The Power of Music
Head nodding pressure
Excitement in the air
Jumping up and down
As if you don't care,
What makes us feel this way?
Why do we lose control?
When the music starts playing
We start heading towards the dance floor,
Music fills the void
Emptyness destroyed
Lightening our hearts
Making every moment enjoyed,
The soul opens up
The blood starts to flow
Moving to the beat
You start to feel the glow,
I know what to do
Found my release
Listening to music
Mypain is eased,
The music keeps beat
Movement creates heat
No sense of pain
I can't take my seat,
Another song starts
The pain now returns
Happiness is gone
Tears start to burn,
Remembering the past
Hoping the memory will pass
Understanding there's no going back
Knowing the feelings won't last,
Left here to think
I'm here all alone
No one hears my sobs
They feel so cold,
Then the mood is changed
The energy returns
i'm off the floor again
The pain no longer burns...
2007-08-11 07:51:18 · 11 answers · asked by Argent 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Hey Salene this is another masterpiece I love this poem!
Its true for me thats for sure music makes all the problems in my life just instantly disapear.I find myself lost in the music with any song no matter what is going on my entire soul becomes in sync with the music its everything I need to escape from any sort of troubles that may be accuring in my life. This is one of your best poems luv it!
~LYLAS!~
2007-08-11 22:09:01 · answer #1 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee Salene, you had me there for a few minutes. Then it seemed to me like your poem lost focus. It was sort of like you had an apple martini, hit the dance floor, had a good time and then...boom! Like high school, rushing to the lady's room. Cleaning off the mascara. You just lost me. And I was dancing!
If this was one of those poems where you felt good until you remembered a past love...ok. I just wasn't really sure where you took me. I think that's what I was missing. We were in a good place, then a bad place, and you didn't help me to make the transition.
2007-08-15 00:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the poem would have flowed better if you hadn't chop it up so much...try combining each pair of lines into one line. Next watch your beats and meter...check line 4, for example "as if you don't care"...try "as if you didn't care"...do you hear the difference? Do you hear how "don't" stalls the line? You could have tried "do not", but it doesn't flow as well and sounds contrived or forced. The art of making something flow is not easy, but worth the effort. Try this on the rest of your poem and see how it goes.
keep writing
2007-08-12 11:06:37 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good, I'm impressed. I like the fast pace. Only one line that slowed down the meter too much, "Making every moment enjoyed" after lightening our hearts. You'll have to make the preceding line longer or moment line shorter. Maybe replace it to say,
Lightening our hearts
Freezing the moments
2007-08-11 17:23:43 · answer #4 · answered by joezen777 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
every thought about posting your poetry on a website where other poets can read ur work? try this website
www.gspoetry.com
I been a member for about a year now and i love it!
the poem was good too...i just don't like the set up of it...but the content was gorgeous
2007-08-11 17:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by MZCARTER 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love it. It kinda makes me think of Techno for some reason. I Love it. keep on writing.
2007-08-18 03:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by gothicragdolly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats a great poem i really enjoyed reading
2007-08-11 18:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by julz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dang , now you make me feel like going out this weekend to go dancing. great poem.. :-)
2007-08-11 15:10:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love it
2007-08-11 14:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by Izzy C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW Talk about passion. You've got it.
2007-08-11 15:04:15 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋