Need advice on marriage...?

Question

I'm 24 & husband's 25 & have been married 4.5 years w/2 kids. Last November I found out we're pg & due in July. I had also found out he's seeing another woman. I confronted him & we split for awhile, was going to file for divorce, but then ended working things out. We're back together now. My husband swears that things are great between us & that he's not going anywhere, but something inside me tells different. This other woman (is 38 years old) & swears that she's madly in love w/my husband & texts/calls him everyday on his cell. He texts her back. I dont want this other woman in our marriage @ all & when I ask him if he stills talks to her, he said every now & then through texts & that he isn't going anywhere. I tell him that he shouldnt be talking to her cause she's 1 of the reasons why we'd problems & he just doesn't understand that he cant be friends with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate knowing that they're talking through text & wish that itd stop! Any advice?

Answer 1

I think you are right to demand your husband to stop talking to this woman. He was committing adultery with her. And he needs to stop because you have a problem with it.
I know your situation is difficult right now, being pregnant and all, but you should definately lay down the law and leave if need be. You do not want your children to see you fighting, you do not need the stress on your current pregnancy.

Answer 2

There are so very many red flags in this relationship. Your only chance is to do two things: Get into counseling, now! This isn't a choice, it's a requirement. Secondly, when this baby is born, have your tubes tied. I don't say this because of the over-population issue (which is real) nor for the lack of responsibility issue (which in your case is very real), but rather because a wife being pregnant puts huge stress on a marriage. Women focus all of their attention on the life growing in them and the husband is left 100% out. More affairs happen when a wife is pregnant than any other time. It's not the sex issue either, it's the attention and focus and energy issue. Wives who are pregnang don't care all that much about what is going on with their husbands, they are too into themselves and the new baby.

Answer 3

He does not realize it is wrong for him to still keep in contact with the other woman. You should let him know how lucky he is that you forgave him and took him back. Ask him, if the situation was reversed and you cheated on him with another guy and still had contact with the other guy in addition to the fact that the other guy was still in love with you; then how would he react, and how would he feel? If he still does not realize how wrong he is, then you guys should go see a marriage counselor, so you can vent your concerns. Because if you don't take any action, all it takes is one argument and he is going to be turning to the other woman and she'll welcome him in open arms. My suggestion to you is work it out now, if he cannot admit that he was wrong then its time to end the relationship, and please no more children because it'll make it harder on you to be independent of him.

Answer 4

The break with the affair has to be total, complete, and no looking back. Anything less than that is simply not breaking it off.

You have every right to demand full fidelity. If your husband has any sense at all, he will do the right thing and not answer text messages, cell calls, or any other type of communication from this other person. Plain. Simple. Period.

Answer 5

Please read MY question...it only gets worse honey....It never stops.I know that feeling all to well it's a sinking feeling like something is just not right,It's like you have an enemy but the only problem is that you are in love with him.YOU love someone who does not care about your pain or heart...Everyone says leave but easier said than done.I went from living with mom to having a husband never lived on my own longer than 1 month.Only advice I can give is stay beautiful,Go places and have friends.Even though you are married you have to keep yourself up as if single so when the true bomb drops you may have a few admirers of your own.

Answer 6

Your husband has chosen to maintain contact with this other women because he is attracted to her and visa-versa. This will not end until he makes a quality decision for his marriage, you and his family.


Do not nag him, scream, yell, name-call, anything that will lead to more fighting and arguing, this will only serve to push him away from you and into the arms of the other women.

Instead, explain to him your feelings, describe your hurts and fears as a result of this scenario (adultery). Bring to his memory your past, how you two met and feel in love. Share your hopes and dreams for the future, you plans with him and your children.

By sharing, expressing your feelings, hopes, dreams, you will begin to rebuild your lives and push out the intrusion and distraction your husband is considering.

Give to him something else to consider - yourself and your children. You are the better of the two, keep believing in yourself and in your marriage. Fight for what you want, but do it with love not fear.

Do not let the fear, which is causing your insecurities, dictate your situation.

Your love for your husband must be tough, especially right now. Therefore, do not allow your husband to use the situation to exploit your feelings for him. In other words, the other relationship must end - tell him that, but do not push it.

Try this, "Because I love and care for you I want only the best, just like I know you want the best for me and our children. What's best is for this other relationship to end. Please consider my request and end it. End it so we can go on and rebuild what we already have."

Give your request a time period, a few days, but no more than a week. Request that he make his decision, so the both of you can go on together or apart. Be firm - its your only weapon to get what you want.

I am hoping for the best for you both. You are not all alone, God cares and loves answering prayer. PastorJP02.

Answer 7

Under any other circumstance I'd say that he has a right to his female friends, but he has cheated on you with her, thus surrendering any right he has to maintaining contact with her. The fact that he still talks to her strongly suggests that his affair is not over, and he is displaying a total lack of respect for you. This boy is not trustworthy, and for the sake of yourself, and your childrens' future relationships (your children will judge what a relationship should be like based on the relationship of their parents), you should leave this joker and find someone that is going to treat you with love and respect.

Edit: Hmm... I wonder if ken_spenz is your husband. It seems he thinks just like him. I'd bet that kenny boy doesn't know the meaning of respect.

Answer 8

If your gut tells you that something is going on then listen to it. If your husband thinks that everything is going well then what the hell is doing texting her back. Obviously he hasn't ended that relationship. Get him a diferent cell # and if she starts calling him there then it will be obvios that there is still something going on. But basically it all comes down to what YOU will put up with.

Answer 9

Oh geez, you have my sympathy, dear. Well, I know it's hard, but have this particular talk with him and ask him how he would feel if you slept with another man right now, said its over but still texted and talked on the phone with him, would HE feel okay with that? I'm betting he wouldn't.

If he truly loves you and wants to give your marriage another chance, this woman cannot be a part of it, any of it, no calls, no texts, no mail, NOTHING.

Answer 10

Wow!!! That is really pain full for you. I'm sorry that this is going on. You don't need this in your you marriage. I would just leave him it's not going to be easy but, you have to if he will not stop talking with this other woman. You my dear are the one getting hurt. And Sorry to say this but, there is obviously something going on between the two. Listen to your heart because it's always right bout things. Tell him to stop what ever it is that they have. And if he doesn't just leave him. Again I'm really sorry that you are going though this. Please be strong for you for your babies. Doesn't his family Matter????? He is just so wrong what a pig....