Is it common in Catholic families not to acknowledge a marriage that is not performed in a Catholic Church?

Question

My husbands family, other than his mother, didn't acknowledge our wedding. He was previously married and chose not to have his previous marriage annulled because of the children....he could have, but didn't. It has been three years and not a note, or anything. What is going on?

Answer 1

The Catholic church DOES NOT generally recognize marriages except for its own and for faiths and denominations it chooses. So if his was on the approved list, he needs a Catholic annullment or you're living in sin regardless of where the second marriage was performed. You don't need one if the first marriage wasn't with a preferred denomination because the Catholic church never regarded it as valid. Except for the need for annullment, the Catholic church generally doesn't regard any other faith's or denomination's marriage as valid, and you're living in sin anyway.

How this is observed by other Catholics varies but there can be more restrictions in rural parishes. In some areas (of the U.S.--really, now!) some frowned on marriage outside of your own diocese, or even outside of your own parish. This was as recent as the 1960s.

The disapproval you're experiencing is an institutional attitude. Guilt is an accepted tool of control in the Catholic church, and it leads to the most bizarre examples of denial and justification of attitudes. Catholics have begun to be aware of this, but it hasn't produced any changes so far. I have a friend who describes her devout mother as, "Cleopatra--queen of denial." This is why devout Catholics condemned unwed motherhood so severely before the Roe vs. Wade decision, but the same devout Catholics now campaign to save the baby at all costs and welcome the unwed mother and her decision to give birth with open arms. I've met older women from rural parishes who enthusiastically played both roles, flipping from one to the other without the blink of an eye, and they see nothing odd about it. It's all part of being Catholic.

Answer 2

Did he become legally divorced before marrying you if he didn't get the marriage annulled through the Catholic church? If not, I probably wouldn't recognize it either, and I'm not Catholic (no offense). If he became legally divorced, then I would suppose his family is either really religious or really not cool with you (for whatever reason). It sounds like it has more to do with the first marriage not being annulled than it does with the fact that he wasn't married in a Catholic church. Consider it their loss.

Answer 3

Actually, yes. There are certain rules and guidelines in the Roman Catholic Church that have to be maintained, and when someone wishes to break those rules (get divorced and marry again ... which almost half of every one in America does) then they can no longer be married in a RC Church without serious paperwork, and the permission may not be granted. So, for the families, the choice is, get married outside the RC Church or just live together without being married at all. The good people choose to get married.

Answer 4

Well Im a Roman Catholic myself and attended Catholic HS and GS, and from my understanding it isn't that marriages outside the Catholic Church are not recognized because they are- a couple could technically get married in a Lutheran Church, or really of another faith but preferably a priest should be present for the sake of the Catholic half. I know that I have plenty of relatives who are Catholic who married Lutherans and Presbyterians and their marriages are recognized as well...marriages. Sometimes in very orthodox families this can cause heated issue as parents of different faiths (like say when a Catholic man marries a Lutheran woman)should really decide to raise their children in one faith or the other.

From your particular situation I think the issue here is the fact that your husband never annulled his first marriage. Annulment within the Catholic Church is different from divorce in that it invalidates the marriage altogether within Church realms based on certain grounds. Because your husband never annulled his first marriage within the Catholic Church, basically from a Church Standpoint then it is like he is still married to his first wife. But really.....I have plenty of aunts uncles and cousins who are in marriages just like yours divorced and remarried to people of other faiths and its no big deal at all...so maybe his family is just a bit old fashioned or maybe its just a personal reason? I dont know.

I know that most parents would prefer their children to marry within their faith and abide the marriage by church standards. It isnt just the Catholic Church. But maybe if you just reached out to your inlaws and let them get to know you better they will open up to you and come to accept that you husband values and cherises his new life with you and they should to.

Answer 5

Well, yes. I am a catholic and I myself had a non-catholic wedding. My husband and I would have loved to have gotten married in the church and still plan to do so one day, but he is in the military and due to our own personal situation we had to rush the wedding and we got married at the Justice of Peace. My entire family is catholic as well and in their eyes because of our faith my husband and I are living in sin even though we are legally married. In the catholic opinion, we are NOT married in the eyes of God. It sucks I know. However that is the catholic faith.

Answer 6

As a Catholic myself, we do recognize marriages that are performed via priest, rabbi, or whoever is legally able to perform a state recognized marriage. But as Catholics in order to have a recognizable Catholic wedding you have to be wedded by a priest in a Catholic church to a Catholic person.

Answer 7

There is a piece of this puzzle missing. I come from old school Catholics and we don't do that. Somehow someway they think not too much of this wedding and it's most likley not because it wasn't done iin a church.

Answer 8

I'm Catholic and I have never seen anyone acting like this. There is a deeper reason to their rejection then just the fact he didn't have his marriage annulled.

Answer 9

I dunno about common... but yes it still happens. It is less common than years ago. My Catholic family doesn't. They all came to my Lutheran wedding.

I would say this happens in very devout controlling families. Same can be said of other restrictive religions and cultures.

Answer 10

Actually yes, puritanical isn't it??