We dont have any kids together, however he has a 4 and 7 year old, and I have an 11 year old. He did a 360, and completely ignores me and the kids, and entertains himself by going to stripper clubs and the casino. He complains to me that we cant do anything together because I have to watch the kids, which is not fair. I don't work because I take care of the kids, and now he wont give me any money for anything. We have been together for almost 5 years. What can I do? I love all of my kids, but I want out of this. I have been so silly regarding this situation, because he took my cell phone and the keys to the truck that I was driving, but the police told me it was community property and he could not do that to me. I was gonna leave but from the advise of outsiders: I was told to stay and take advantage of the veterans benefits that I now have andgo to school for free or find a job. He keeps saying how he is going to move out and leave me homeless and I dont know what I can do.. help me
2007-08-11 05:59:30 · 35 answers · asked by lisa h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the simple and honest answer is to not get married at all.
2007-08-11 06:03:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Boy you must have really been in fantasy land if you didn't pick up on anything during the 5 years you were together before you married. If YOU are a veteran then you do have veteran's benefits but that is no reason to stay in a marriage...you don't have to be married to take advantage of YOUR earned VA benefits, however if HE is the veteran you don't get much. You don't get a free education only HE does. So if someone told you that you do get that as a "benefit" they were dead wrong. As far as you and your kids. Pack up and leave, you owe his children nothing, they are HIS responsiblities.
2007-08-11 13:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly empathize with you and your situation and the abuse that your husband has been inflicting upon you and the children. This person you said vows with is not your husband, but a man you married. A husband/father does not try to isolate his family. A husband encourages, supports and does not resort to threats. It's sad that he doesn't use more of his energy trying to find ways to be together if he is so unsatisfied that you're not able to spend the time together. Many couples make it work somehow. Best advice: Ignore well-intentioned outsiders. You can get these things once you've left. Take your child/ren out of this abusive situation. Do you have any family support? Anyone who can help you? If not, please call a battered womens' shelter. They will take you and child/ren to a safe place & assist you. Also, they have excellent network system that will refer you to the right organizations that can help with housing, counseling services, legal, or employment matters as well as help you enroll in school or obtain a trade. Most importantly dear, this man has steadily been trying to take your confidence and self-esteem away from you and the children. Your are a strong woman to have put up with this type of treatment for as long as you have. Please listen...if you won't do it for yourself, do it for your child/ren. They are suffering too. May God bless you and keep you and the children in His care.
2007-08-11 07:17:09 · answer #3 · answered by moanie3701 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get this marriage anulled. Or get a divorce. The house is half yours and get custody of all his kids. This would give you almost all of his check. Also ask for alimony. He is guilty of emotional and psychological abuse. His money is going to go to you anyway so get out. He can't leave you homeless. Take all the reciepts and bank statements to court which would prove how much money he is spending at the casinos and strip clubs. Credit card statements too. This would prove him an unfit parent.
2007-08-11 06:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by Exipnei 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into counseling to first find out how you were so blind and how to cope now. There must have been signs in 5 years - nobody changes in 3 weeks. If he is insane it didn't just happen. Legally, look into getting your marriage annulled . I don't know if they call it fraud, misrepresentation, or what but find out. If not, get divorced before he hurts you physically - he already is being abusive to the kids by ignoring them. Forget the vets benefits...what makes you think he will stay for you to get the benefits? Would it be worth it? I can't imagine what your life would be like in 2 years if you stay with him. Go to a women's shelter if you need to. they will help you get housing and a job. Please think of yourself and have the respect to leave. I wish you the very best.
2007-08-11 06:09:19 · answer #5 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YOU WILL BE FINE! Slow down and look at your life from the outside in. What would you tell your friend to do? Document EVEYTHING. Then change your locks. Call the police and have him legally put out. A marriage requires both people to be actively involved. Don't make your kids, all 3, suffer. If he wants to stay in the relationship then he will work hard for it. But don't be wishy washy about it. Hold your ground, either you will accept his treatment or you won't. It's all up to you! Plenty of women out there work fulltime, raise kids, and manage to go to school. It's hard but doable. Good luck!
2007-08-11 06:34:45 · answer #6 · answered by jhardinmom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats what they do they make you feel helpless without them they brain wash you. You are scare to leave. You need to slap your self in the face and remember this is not the life I pan for my future. If you look and the mirrow and see only you then you will always be alone, But if you look out the window you will see a whole world out there with people that can help you get thru this, and next time you look in the mirrow you will see that, that person you are looking and people know her and there are pleople that love her and no one in this world is going to stop you from being what you want to be. Take one step and then other and other and other and you will soon find your way out of this life you dont want. Bye
2007-08-11 06:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by JSB 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call an abuse line and or women's shelter so they can help you to get out, get safe, take care of the kids and find a new life. They have the resources and counseling that you need.
I think everyone is right and you know what you need to get out of the situation you are in. You need help knowing what the right choices are to step into a better situation for all. You are not trusting yourself to make the right choices.
Call them. They are trained and experienced in exactly what is going on with you know and can help.
Good luck and God's speed!
2007-08-11 06:15:24 · answer #8 · answered by Autumn S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is abusive. He is abusing the h*ll out of you. If that is what you want for yourself and you 11 yr old... go ahead...
The control that you have described is WAY over the top.
I can't imagine that anyone that loves you would advise you to stay. One thing, does he act like a "great guy" in front of others? If so, you can disregard those opinions... been there and done that.
2007-08-11 06:21:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must don't have anywhere in this country to go(remember this is a big country) for you to just sit around and take the bull crap is unthinkable please while taking the crap make your plans call places and people to find a away out people leave there country everyday with nothing come to the U.S. and get help you have to take a chance for your peace of mind and your children now his children are not yours not your responsibility you may love then but they are not yours leave him a note no don't even leave him a note and who ever told you don't leave becaue of the money tell them to come take your place in your hell hole find your way out go a nother city take what ever little money u have
2007-08-11 07:09:10 · answer #10 · answered by silkstockins24 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello,
My name is Caroline. I am writing you from The Steve Wilkos Show at NBC Universal in Chicago. This is a new talk show created to help people going through serious problems. I would like to fly you, your husband and anyone else involved in your story out to Chicago-all expenses paid. Steve is an ex-cop, ex-marine and can help you confront your husband and try to get him to change. He will give him a much needed reality check and tell him to be the man that he should be. We can also provide counseling after the show in your hometown for everyone who needs it. Our show's goal is to help people and I really believe we can help you. Please call me toll free 877-836-3405.
2007-08-11 07:22:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋