We have been married for 11 years and dated for 5 and lived together for 1 year. When we first got together, both of us partied. Well we are both 40 now with a 3 year old son and only one of us has grown up and stopped the drinking. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works a very high paying job. On his 2 days off a week, he will do anything he can think of to get into town to be able to stop and drink. He says he won't be long and will come hime up to 10 hours later. He has had one DUI twenty some years ago, his older brother just got a DUI. He knows we could lose everything if he gets a DUI and loses his license. Everytime I bring it up, he just says it's bullsh**! I worry myself sick about his drinking. I dont know what to do. Any advice from anyone out there?
2007-08-11 05:47:23 · 14 answers · asked by trittnut 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just don't call him a drunk or anything like that, they detest that. tell him hes hurting the family or at least its possible that he could.
2007-08-11 05:55:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Watched my mom go through the same thing with my dad. I love both my parents and my mom has passed away eleven years ago, but some part of me resents the time that my dad wasn't there for her and all the worry he put her through.
She died unexpectedly at the age of 44, leaving my dad with my two young siblings to raise and a lot of regrets. He regets what he put her through and the time he did not spend with her because he was at the bar. He has spent thousands of dollars on court and attorney fees due to DUI's. He lost his license and only kept his job because the company was kind enough to keep him on until he could convince the court to allow him to drive to and from work only. the court was lenient (maybe too lenient) since he was the sole supporter of the family. At last count, my father had racked up 7 DUI's in 10 years. The first was many years after we all realized that he had a problem.
Your husband is a functioning alcoholic. He is in denial that his "harmless" fun and drinking will affect his life or the lives of his family. His brother is also an alcoholic and I would be willing to bet there are others in his family since alcoholism is inherited. Your kids will also likely have a weakness to drink and a predispostion toward alcoholism. They should be warned away from drinking.
You can go to therapy with him, go to therapy on your own or even decide to give him an ultimatum. The untimatum can be as simple as "Its the drink or me". If you decide to give the ultimatum and he does not seek help, you will have to leave. Most alcoholics do not seek treatment until they have hit rock bottom and you do not want you or your son to be there when he does. And believe me, its only a matter of time before he gets caught and possibly hurts himself or someone else.
Its rough. There are support groups that can help like AA or Alanon. Good luck to you.
2007-08-11 05:59:48 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will speak frankly. Down deep your husband is a good person and a caring father. He is unhappy with himself and believes drinking only affects his existence. He is wrong. He will continue to drink and believe its a way for him to relax after a tough week. He will laugh with his friends (that he's an alcoholic) at the same time knowing its a serious problem. He loves you but is not in love with you or he would stop - for you. He will be be arrested and lose his job but find another making less money each time until everything is gone. He will be remorseful and promise to change. After a short abstinence he will drink again an the whole process will continue to repeat itself. You will prepare yourself by getting a job to provide for yourself and son and then divorce. You will be miserable at first but know in your heart you made the best choice. You will move on. He will profess his love and wish that things could be the way it use to be and in his mind believe it. It will not for to much has happened to go back. In time you will heal and find contentment and he will have lost the most incredible thing he ever had-his family. Most importntly love your son and yourself and may your faith make you strong.
2007-08-11 08:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by Steven K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a recovering alcoholic myself, I can pretty much tell you with certainty that he believes he isn't the one with the problem. I don't think you are going to get the answer you are looking for. There is nothing you can do for him that you haven't already done. You hear people talk about tough love and all that, but harping on him about it will just make him angry and he'll just spend more time with the people who understands him best....other alcoholics!
It's no lie that he will hit his bottom before getting help. I know because I did and so have the millions of other recovering alcohics. Your problem is that he will take you down with him. Unfortunately, it does not matter how much love you have for the man. He has an illness that will kill him one way or another if he doesn't get help.
You see the problem...he doesn't. It's that simple. You will need to decide if you are strong enough to keep yourself from going down with him. There are support groups...Al-anon for one. You will learn how you are helping him to drink, believe it or not. Just know this...it will get worse before it can get better.
The best and most difficult thing you can do to help him is to get on with your life. He may or may not come around.
2007-08-11 06:55:53 · answer #4 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he does need to grow up. If he gets caught drinking and driving, maybe he'll wake up. Doesn't he even care who will have to suffer and what kind of damage it could do if he has an accident? People spend alot of time in prison for killing others in a dui accident. They probably all said it couldn't or wouldn't happen to them. That is very selfish.
2007-08-11 05:57:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit him down and tell him your concerns, you have to make him see how worried you are and that it would be nice if he spent some time in with you and your child. Explain to himk that your job as a mum is full time so you never stop working so you cannot have the luxury of going out like he has. Hes being selfish and should put you and your family first. I hope you get through to him.
2007-08-11 05:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't know i have a bit of this issue with my hubby ONLY IT'S ME that wants to go out and drink. We BOTH use to drink he rarely dose now. I feel tied down SMOTHERED when he complains about my going out. However i never have had a DUI i will NOT DRIVE at all after 2-3 beers. I will stick where I'm at at least a hour or more after my last drink. I hate when he dose not want me to go out it causes us stress. I think he get over dramatic about the whole issue. I think people can drink and still be responsible.I KNEW I'D get some thumbs down and dis agreement.
2007-08-11 05:54:57 · answer #7 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he needs some help but doesnt seem like he wants it! You need to sit down with him and tell him how serious you are about his problem!!! tell him he is going to need to prioritize, he needs to realize that disappearing for hours and drinking all the time doesnt do much for his status as a father! and i know you say he supports you well but it doesnt make up for not being what you or your son need as support! he needs to wake up and realize he needs to change! If that takes you taking your son and leabving for a few days just to give him a little warning/time to think about his actions! than so be it! if he wont listen to words maybe he'll listen to your actions! GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-08-11 05:56:42 · answer #8 · answered by Life....it blows! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is YOU can't make him quit. Some times in order to stop a bad habit you have to see what you stand to loose. Do what is best for you and you son, even if it means stepping back. You obviously love him or you wouldn't still be there.
2007-08-11 05:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by nola_b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer. I in no way drink something, and consistently finally end up cleansing up vomit, rescuing fragile products from below the impression of alcohol travellers and observing persons's little ones. SO do no longer widespread them anymore. yet each and every of the folk who have been on the occasion seem to like it.
2016-10-10 00:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Al-anon. Even if you're not sure that you think he is an alcoholic... this will offer you support as you "worry yourself sick about his drinking."
Can' t control him, but if you get support and change the way you drive yourself crazy.... who knows... your family could become more healthy.
-from a recovering alcoholic
2007-08-11 06:08:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋