She has been dating this guy off and on for like two or three years now and I can not stand him. In the past he has cheated on her atleast 3 times that we know of because each one of them resulted in a paternity suit. He is no good for and she deserves better. She is 19, so there is really no convincing her of this and I am done trying but I do not approve of the relationship and I am not going to act like I do. Anyway, my husbands birthday is next week and I am having a little get together at my house to celebrate. And I do not want my sister's boyfriend there but I am afraid that if I tell her he isnt invited she wont come either. What should I do? Should I even care if she chooses not come because he cant?
2007-08-11 05:07:01 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
maigen_obx- you are right she is an idiot but none of the kids were his. I actually wish they were because she hates kids and I am sure she would have left him.
2007-08-11 05:19:33 · update #1
This is so difficult.. what a bum he sounds like... as you know, there is no tellling some people.. we can look in from the outside and see whats happening but when someone is in love... they cannot always see. Mmmmm.. have a chat to her and see what she thinks. You could still invite him but just be polite and say 'hello', small talk but don't socialise with him and chat to your sister and the rest of the family; that would probably be what your sister would like you to do.. if he is rude to you or gets drunk etc etc.. then you could have a reason to throw him out.... whatever you decide.. best not to preach to your sister.. advise her yes.. and most important be there for her when she needs you.. which i am sure she will again...
2007-08-11 05:17:22 · answer #1 · answered by laura j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my cousin. Hated her boyfriend! She stopped bringing him around to family get togethers when the men and some women in my family told her if they ever saw him again they'd kick his ***. Some times she wouldn't show either, because of it...but it got to her so much that she ended up dumping his, lieing, cheating, abusive, ***! But I have a really defensive...ahh....kinda intimidating family to say the least. (lol )And she's a little older...19 year olds are a little more rebellious than that. I think you should try telling her that you'd really like it if she came but noone really likes her boyfriend and you don't really want him there because you don't want it to ruin your husbands big day. Don't rub it in her face on what a bad guy he is, that will probably just push her away and make her mad. Be sincere when you break the news to her, and if she asks why noone likes him... Say, he makes you look like some dumb girl that your not...he walks all over you and everyone, including you knows he doesn't treat you right . It's disturbing because we care about you so much and we all think you can do so much better. Tell her you'd just like to see her have fun and spend some time with her alone, without him, for once. Hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-08-11 05:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by AlliK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its called tough love!!! Have you told your sister about how you feel? Is she aware that he has cheated on her? If the answer is yes to both of these questions then it would be best to tell her straight out that he is no longer welcomed at your house. Don't beat yourself up too much if she declines the party invite herself. I truly believe (from experience) that she will come around the day that she realizes that your relationship is affected by this. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" right!! I would recommend that you distant your life away from hers for a little while. It will be hard at first but trust me she will open her eyes and realize one day that you were only expressing concern for her well being. She needs time to see her boyfriends true colours. Nobody can tell her to stop loving him but herself. She is the only person who needs to acknowledge to herself the imperfections this guy has. Don't worry she will come around one day!!
2007-08-11 05:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what if she doesn't come if u tell her u don't want him there? That's Ur home and u can have whomever u want at ur house, if shegets mad she's doing it because she's controlling u, she know if she say she's not gonna come if he can't that would bother u. But u have to be stronger then that because Ur feelings of not liking him are wayyyyyyyyy greater then her acting childish.
Tell her " U know I love u and I don't like seeing u hurt. I know u know what I;m about to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway,I don't like ( whatever his name is) and he's not invited to the get together next week, in fact I rather he not come into my home anytime, I'm not gonna excuse or waive it aside for u because he's Ur man, sweetie I don't like him, he's no good I know thats Ur man and business but Ur my sister and that makes u my business. I can't stand the way he treats u, I can't stand the way u allow it, and I can't stand him
He knows it and U know it, I refuse to have anyone in my home who I don't like or can't stand, that just aint gonna happen! Now if all what I said bothers U I'm sorry, I still love you , it bothers me that I had to tell u this and it will bother me that u may not show up, but I will have to deal with it after the fact. Meanwhile I have a dinner to plan for next week for my husband a man who I know loves me back and hasn't given me or the family any reasons to dislike him, Ur man ( HE'S NOT INVITED)
I pray someday u will come to grips with it soon and understand why it's like this.
I know this will hurt you to have to tell ur sister this because she's ur sister and u love her deeply. But sometimes u have to do things like this in order for a person to realize the affect things like this can have on family and friends.
God Bless and Good Luck
2007-08-11 05:34:16 · answer #4 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your sister straight out, that she is the only one invited to your party. It's your house, your function, people have to respect who you chose to invite or not invite. I am sure your sister knows how you feel about her bf. If she decides to show up alone or not show up at all, you really should not feel bad about it. She should be old enough to understand, that as a sister you mean well. Hopefully she'll wake up one day & figure out that this guy is not the right guy for her. Good Luck
2007-08-11 05:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by always51787 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to hold onto a close relationship with your sister zip your lip and let it be. No matter what type of person he is, he's with your sister and it is, after all, her relationship, not yours. I understand where you're coming from, you want better for your sister, but trust me when I say that meddling in other peoples affairs will only make you look bad, driving a wedge between your sister and bringing the two of them closer.
I know it's hard, but accepting this relationship is your best option.
2007-08-11 05:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all right as a big sister i know you want to convince her u know what's right and what's wrong, so u have two options. 1 let her make her own mistakes and in a couple of years realize how much of her life she's wasted. (not the best way) or 2 maybe she feels like she can't get another man (self-esteem issues)? so you need to tell her how much better she is than this guy, becuase when a man is in trouble he'll make up any lie or say anything to get out of it. you need to tell her how everything he says is a lie and he doesn't deserve a FOURTH chance!
2007-08-11 05:15:49 · answer #7 · answered by steve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Madam you cannot worry about your sister's boyfriend and his ignorance leave that to her and him.Invite them and show them that is the least of your worry.Move around when you see him coming toward you and focus on having a good time.Watch the results of the boyfriend he will be confused about why you have change about him.She's only 19,every thing in her eye about him will be lovely,but one day she will catch him for herself and she might or might not tell you ,you were right about him.God watches all.Trust in him a she will see the light .Don't give in to his stupidity.God Bless and have yourself a nice time at your home.
2007-08-11 05:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question. You can exclude her boyfriend, but be prepared to not see much of your sister. There's not much you can do, she has to make her own mistakes. If she's stupid enough to keep seeing someone who has cheated on her 3 times and has kids from all 3 times, there's nothing you can do. You can tell her that I said she's an idiot, if you think it will help.
2007-08-11 05:13:55 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that either decision you make will cause conflict. If you don't invite her at all, or you invite her but tell her not to bring him, the results will be the same. However, if you do not want this bum in your home, you need to stand up for what you believe in.
Maybe she will get the hint, but if not, be prepared for possible years of snubbing from her.
2007-08-11 05:13:05 · answer #10 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋