found a condom , my husband says it's not he's. who's is it?

Question

the condom's expiration date is 10-2011. now, i've seen other comdoms around the house. We have been living together for a little more than a year. We've been married for about 10 months. i didn't worry about the other ones because i knew they were old with the dates being 2002, 2003. he probably just kept those things around. But i just found this one last week, i had been looking for something in my drawer, and then he looked in the one besides it, which is where he keeps some of his things. I couldn't find what i was looking for, so i decided to double check both drawers. And they were, right down at the bottom. I asked him about it and he got all defensive and angry. i remained calm, but he still had an attitude. I know damn well it's not mine, and everytime i asked him he changed up his answer. First, he said that he found it on the floor and put on the 2nd shelf in his cabinet, then he said the first. I told him it wasn't in the cabinet and he said that he forgot where he put i

it. so then i asked where he came from. remember, i've been here for a year, i never saw this one here before, and i know it has to be new with a date like 2011. anyway..........

i asked where he got it from and he said he didn't know. i asked if he bought it and first he said if he would had brought them he would have had to buy three or one. i found two condoms together. So i asked where was the other one. He said he didn't know where he got them from, he can't remember, and he doens't know what happened to the other one. at one point he said he brought them and i asked when, he didn't tell me, said he didn't know, then he said he could have gotten them from a clinic they give them out for free, and then he changed that up. he wouldn't look at me while he was talking except when he said i love you, and he kept yelling, saying they might have been he's brother's. WHy would his brother leave a condom in the bottom of a drawer in some one elses house. He doesn't have a wife or girlfriend. I asked him to call and ask his brother if it was his and he said he wouldn't do that.....

anyway, my heart feels like it's shattered. after that night i haven't brought up again, but for a long time, several months now, i've had this gut feeling that he was messing around. i guess i'm just waiting for it all to blow up, i threatned to leave him if he didn't tell me what was going on, but he still refused to reveal anythingl. i doubt if i would have left that night, i just wanted some answers, but i know even though i found two condoms and one was messing that still doesn't prove anything does it. He also told me that if he was going to have some condoms he wouldn't bring them home, and the fact that i didn't find them on him doesn't prove anything. My heart is broken and i'm silently hurting from the inside because deep down i think i've known the truth for a while, but i guess i just have to wait until something else comes up. Or do i? i want to find out the truth so i can either stop being paranoid or move on with my life, or try to work this out. is he being unfaithful?

I still don't have any answers from him

Answer 1

If he had nothing to hide then he wouldn't have become defensive or angry when you asked him in a calm matter where the condoms came from...I would say my dear lady...that he is already cheating or has plans to.

EDIT: I sure feel for you....I think in your heart and in your gut you know what is going on.....if you look deeper you will also see that there are other signs that he doing something with someone else. You said that he couldn't look you in the eye when you were talking to you....only guilty people behave this way. You can stay with him...and hope that he ends whatever he is doing, or you can leave him. I personally would have a problem staying with my husband if I had found condoms is there was no good explanation for how they came about. I wish the best for you.

Answer 2

He is the only one that could have brought them into the house and you know it . It's one thing to be deceitful and a liar about something and another to make your mind feel like it's half crazy!! He is giving you every indication that he is cheating and he can't even get his story straight. You found two remaining condoms out of a three pack and one is missing and he claims that he has no idea where it went? Well they are his and he knows exactally why one is missing and he is not going to own up to it. One thing is for sure now is that he will keep on denying it because he knows the out come of him telling you the truth. He is protecting himself from the affect of what it will do to him and doesn't care about what it has done to you. As long as he stands on his story and sticks to it he knows that you can't prove anything. If he is up to something he will hide it much better next time since this made you aware of him not being right to you. You are standing there with one missing condom from a three pack and he knows you can't prove anything!! The ball is in his corner and at this point he knows there is nothing you can do about it. The choice is up to you what you want to believe about it because he is not going to sign his own death warrant! If you feel that something is wrong it probably is and I would either leave him for what I feel I know Or take him into marriage counseling for someone to intervene on the truth of it and not give him any peace untill he breaks. Take care and the best of luck.

Answer 3

It is pretty clear what is going on. You know it and I know it...

"Advise is what you ask for when you wish you didn't know the answer" - Erica Jong.

He is cheating on you.

I do have 1 question though... if you two are married, why the hell did you allow condoms in the house? Old ones, I mean... I would've tossed them. You're married, probably not using condoms by the way you talk about this, he doesn't need to keep them around... old ones... new ones... you are married... he shouldn't be sleeping with anyone else... if you two aren't using them, he's using them with someone else. And he doesn't even care if you know, he's putting them in the house, he might even be bringing the women home, if the condoms are in the house, otherwise he could keep them at her house or a briefcase.

Don't fool yourself... I know its hard to swallow. STOP ASKING HIM ABOUT THE DAMN CONDOMS. Just accept that he's cheating on you or was cheating on you. Then sit alone, ALONE, and make the decision whether you can accept that... I mean if his cheating will be enough for you to divorce him. If it is, take action. If its not and you want to work it out, write down what you need from him, "couples counseling" for starters... and then tell him if he wants to keep you he will do these things. Or you leave.

Answer 4

I would do some detective work before I made and rash decisions.

1. Talk to mutual friends...dont give anything away, just ask open questions

2. Visit him at work. Ask him to show you around and introduce you to people. See if he acts funny.

3.Check his cell phone for unkown numbers.

4. Can you get into his email? This would be a good investigative tool if you could.

5. See if he has taken out more cash than usual. I'm sure he is not stupid, so he would nto want any shady purchases showing up on the bank account...he would use cash instead.

6. You could even go so far as to follow him sometimes.

My best advice is to follow your heart. No one on here is able to make that judgement call for you. You know what you feel and there is nothing like a woman's intuition...especially about her man. Good luck.

Answer 5

I just want to chime in to offer you some support. I know you must be feeling the weight of the world right now.

Just a thought for your future. In the future, always be ready to carry through. If you make a threat, be able and ready to carry through. Be ready to go to the hotel for the night while hoping that he'll come clean by taking you seriously but being prepared for the truth and the possibility that it may not work and what your next step will be.

If you are having these problems now after 10 months, you are getting a really fast and quick look into how life will be for a while. You both are going to have to do some work with counseling and such to regain the trust in this marriage in order for it to work.

Until then, it is your prime responsibility to make sure that you are making sure that you don't screw yourself and are making wise decisions in case you need to leave.

Answer 6

I do am sorry for your issue. I could tell you to give your husband the benefit of a doubt but I will not,instead I will tell you about mine that happen not to long ago. Last month I was clearing up our closet so I can put our jacket aside while it's summer.I do always check my kids jacket and of course my husband too, unfortunately checking his pocket i found a condom, like you I question my husband if the condom was his, his face turn red and told me that it wasn't his.
I didn't believed him because 6 months ago I discovered his secret affair that broke our family esp. my kids, so the next day he told me that he think it was from the last time which I don't trust him anymore. so by this even if he was telling me the truth its hard to believed him,for a while he covered lie on top of another lies. So just be careful and don't stop asking your husband till he tells you the truth. There's always an explanation to every problem that comes out....

Answer 7

honey...its clear that he has cheated!!! if you 2 are the only ones living there for the past year who else would have put there? the fact that he keeps changing his story also gives reason to believe that he is lying...you already know that he is lying now the question what are you going to do about it? only problem is you dont have any hard evidence so you could either choose to forget about it or pretend that you have so that he can relax again but all the while keep your eyes opened, now its time to step out of just being a wife, you are now forced to wear a few different hats...1) loving, forgetful wife, 2) investigator 3) spy, and then when you get your evidence... 4)interrogator...only thing is...men will lie to the very end....good luck!! and i hope your heart heals

Answer 8

Hon, I think you know deep down the truth - a woman's instinct is pretty spot on. I too found condoms and later found out he had been cheating on me - we didn't use any ourselves. It was the end of my marriage.

Keep at him to find out the truth - he seems to be changing his story, getting angry and defensive - I think he's been messing around on you.

Good luck with this. He's dug a hole for himself and will fight you and put the blame on you, but I think you are totally right in suspecting him.

Answer 9

Well, if it's not yours it has to be his... don't know why he would have it but if it's just one maybe someone gave it to him trying to be flirtatious...and he doesn't want to tell you about it ..the worst case scenario is that he cheated on you and if that's the case let's hope that there was at least another condom and he wore it...
You just have to talk to him, tell him that you are gonna ask him one last time and all you want is the truth.. and when he tells you the answer.. evaluate how you feel.. If you feel like he violated you and your relationship tell him so and act accordingly...

Answer 10

The condom by itself would not alarm me, but the defensiveness and changing stories (and some of the "stories" aren't even very good) would really concern me.
Also, getting mad at you for questioning him.... That is a real control technique.... trying to make you stop without satisfying your concern. If my husband/lover found condoms in my drawer and it worried him and I knew he had nothing to worry about... his feelings and concerns would be important to me... NOT a reason to blow him off and ridicule him for worrying.