My wife recently found some porn on my computer, and she freaked out. She wouldnt talk to me all day, and I was truly afraid that she sould leave me because of it. We have gotten over the worst of it, but she now questions my love for her. I tell her all the time how much I love her and I hate myself for causing her this pain. But my words dont seem like enough. I need to be able to show her or prove to her how much I love her. I know that time heals all wouns but I cant take a passive approach to this. She is the only thing in the world that I care about and I am lost without her. Would gifts make it seem that I am trying to buy her forgiveness? I need to know what to do. Just knowing that she is angry with me is worse than any pain that I have ever experienced. And I am not looking for an answer like she is being too sensitive or that what I did is ok because it isnt, and Ive already given her my word that I would never look at that stuff again. Help please.
2007-08-11 03:03:46 · 18 answers · asked by Bitcasso 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you know she is a luck woman!! i have found porn numerous times in my boyfriends possesion!! it has been five years now together and i still think he looks! i have started so many fights over this! Voicing to him that when he does look at this **** it make me feel degraded! and unloved and even mor einsecure than i am!!! he could never see why it bothered me as much as it did! because i guess men are visual creatures and he said it was just looking! I am happy to hear that atleast you respect your girlfriends feelings! i think that if you attempt to shower her completely with gifts that may seem a little bit like you are attempting to buy her forgiveness! I say just get her flowers and a card , an i am sorry card! you can never say it too much!! if you write inside how sorry you are and how much you love and treasure her as your girlfriend, and REASSURE her that this will never happen again! she will feel relieved and take her out , make it up to her little by little...if you dont go back to this behavior ever she will eventually forgive and forget everything eventually! you said it yourself time heals every wound! you just need t olove her to death in the mean time!!!! GOOD LUCK!! hope everything works out for you!
2007-08-11 03:24:02 · answer #1 · answered by Life....it blows! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't buy her forgiveness. Its normal for men to look at porn and it means absolutely nothing. Its like looking at the sexy girl on the street. Just because you look doesn't mean you don't love and cherish your wife. You're a guy, guys are visual, guys look. If more women realized this it would be easier for them to not over react, which is what your wife did in this instance.
However, porn is an insult to women and its disrespectful to your wife. The only way you can undo something you have done wrong is to never do it again.
2007-08-11 03:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow I am jealous to hear a man care so much about what his wife thinks. But to be honest porn is so over rated women feel threatened by it and shouldn't. I use to, but learned its pretty natural. Why were you looking at it? Maybe being honest with her and reassuring her that your over it will be enough. I sure the hell wouldn't want a gift because I found porn on my husbands computer. Time will heal. Good luck!!
2007-08-11 03:48:19 · answer #3 · answered by BlueT78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is wrong with you man!! You already gave your word, you need to buy the girl some flowers, apologize and get rid of the damn porn. Your girl is doubting your love for her because she has low self esteem, and thinks you may want something else besides her. IF it were me gifts would be great, make you suffer and sweat it out! If she forgave you once she will forgive you again, its a vicious circle, remove the temptation and you won't have this problem. Good Luck!
2007-08-11 03:11:42 · answer #4 · answered by Cheri >^.^< 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, don't panic. Second, give her a bit of time.
Make sure you are consistent and ask her directly what does she feel that you can do, in order to ease her negative feelings. Tell her that you need her love and help through this, and that you have a unique love and bond, so this incident is not worth getting between you and destroying your marriage.
I am not sure regarding gifts, but I suggest long stem white roses (sign of peace), a forgive me sad teddy bear toy (power of cuteness) holding a small jewelry box with a neck less/earrings set , white gold (Power of pearls and diamonds, it's not as pricey as you think, if she likes Sterling silver, you can get a great tasteful set with semi precious stones). This one-two-three combo can melt any heart.
You will end up spending 500-800 bucks, but it's worth it. Then, take one day at a time, and like Shakespeare said: "This too, shall pass."
Good luck to you both.
2007-08-11 03:27:18 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok here it is. You basically cheated on her just by looking at and thinking of other women. You have made your wife look at herself with worry and she may end up loathing herself unreasonably because you judged her. Once a man takes a wife.. all other women must fade into the background forever. Thats marriage. Men who do not like that and think they can make excuses ( all the guys do it and they say its not cheating and so on..the little boy defense as usual ) for "just looking" are lying to themselves and are judging their own wives as "not good enough".
Same for women. There is no such thing as "just looking". it takes focus to have a successful marriage. People not ready to focus should not marry.
2007-08-11 03:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by jokerthefreak1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whew...I say both of you need to sit down and really talk. Tell her why you feel looking at porn is enjoyable to you. Maybe she feels threatened. If you really want to stop viewing porn, (although, I can't see why) why don't you build a small fire in a safe location and have your wife toss the porn into the fire. Fire is cleansing.... And although you don't want to hear it she is being too sensitive and you really didn't do anything wrong.
2007-08-11 03:11:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to prove to her you are sorry is to show her. It will take her some time to recover from this, because it was a shock and a slap in the face to her. Sit her down, talk this through, offer to get help(therapy etc). Both of you need to work on this, not just one or the other. Good Luck
2007-08-11 03:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by WVPV07 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Gifts are not the right idea I went through this from her point of view it makes us feel like we are not good enough .or even enough it can also make a woman feel inadequate in the bedroom and self conscience.you just need to keep reassuring her and try to regain her trust and help her not feel like less but like more that is mental gifts can not fix this you have to.
2007-08-11 03:13:36 · answer #9 · answered by Beckles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay off the computer for awhile to help her through wondering what your up to.pick out a card that tell her how you feel about her and add a little note of how she is your world.dont say your sorry for what you did in it just make it about how you feel about her.then set up a little picnic on a blanket in your place on the floor with candle and soft music and just show her the love you have for her.no talk about the wrong.turn off the phones and tv.show her with your touch and words that she is your life.
2007-08-11 03:19:41 · answer #10 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋