My Hubby cheated 7mth ago.We talked it over and decided to work it out.I can't get over it.what should I do? I mean before we got married I told him that I hated cheaters. Im trying to deal with it...but I don't think Im going to last...I cry like everyday...just the thought of him touching another women make me sick to my stomach. I really believe that he means it when he says hes sorry and It won't happen again but the trust is gone. I want it to work because I really love my husband but Im afarid that If I keep nagging him when ever I get up set its going to push him away.
what should I do to get over this?
2007-08-10 20:18:33 · 14 answers · asked by MEME 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Baby girl, you ain't going to get over this and you knew this before you married him. If you told him this then you told yourself this. You have to be true to yourself and you are not by falling into his deciet by agreeing to work things out. It is hard to work things out. I thought I could but guess what, I can't. No matter what I tell myself or what me and him do, it is in my face.
If he is saying you are pushing him away when you bring this issue up then that says alot about him.He is only thinking about him just like he was when he cheated on you. A man who is willing to work on this wouldn't use statments such as these. Let me guess, he is the one who requested to work things out? or you did because you let your pride or ego get in the way of the letting him go to the other woman decision?
You could go to counseling, but it doesnt sound like he is counseling material. His interest sounds like they are all about what is best for him. Sorry you are going threw this.
2007-08-10 20:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen...dont let all these angry people tell you to leave your husband. Not all men are say sorry without any meaning behind it. You have to take alot of things into consideration before you decide to stick with this man, like for instance do you still love him? If you dont then why stick around? Is he worth staying with? You have to weigh the pros and cons of being with him. If he only brings trouble and drama to the table then that should be an easy answer. But if you truly love everything else about him then why not give him a second chance? If he's as trustworthy as he says then he wont do it again. But whatever you do...DO NOT NAG HIM! Im sure by now he understands how much he's hurt you. Dont keep reminding him of it. Let it go. How can you say you forgive him if you keep bringing it up? Thats like me giving you money for your birthday...and the next few days asking you to pay me back saying "remember when i gave you that money!"
Let it go if you wanna keep him.
2007-08-11 09:14:17 · answer #2 · answered by Splackevellie112 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband both need to go to a marriage counselor. Don't try to fix this on your own. You will never get over this and you will only learn to live with it! Your husband needs to understand what he put you through and how he can help you carry this hurt and pain. He changed your world as you knew it with him and the trust never returns 100%. It will take along time before things ever feel better and it all depends on how sorry and remorseful your husband is. Only time will tell and how he treats you in the future if you have it in you to continue on with him. He needs to tell you what preventative measurements he will take on never letting this happen again. Remember that what he done is all about him and not you. Cheating is always a choice and because of it you are heart broken. He also needs to understand that if he ever does this to you again there will be NO second chances. A proffesional needs to help guide you both in the proper direction of healing the hurt and betrayal that was committed against the marriage. It's not about how he looks at you now ...it's about how you look at him. When this happens our self esteem and worthiness is kicked to the ground and your husband has got to be able to know how he can pick you back up and support all the emotional turmoil he put you through. He has got to be the rock that you can lean on and have the arms to hold you when the thought of them together weighs heavy on your mind and heart. If your husbands wants this relationship to work he has to be there for you when it becomes more than you can bare. Take care and I hope things get better for you.
2007-08-10 21:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible mess for all of you involved. I'd be outta there quick smart! You and your kids dont need that garbage everyday. Reread your post - your son is sleeping with a butchers knife cos he is so scared in his own home! If you wont leave then give the kids to someone else until you sort this out. Dont worry about what the community think of him, its what your kids think of you that matters and they may not think very highly of you a few years down the track if you didnt get them out. Hard truth is that its time to leave him or get him some help. Your home should be a place that your kids thrive and grow emotionally, not fight and hide. Seek counselling for your hubby, yourself and kids. Your kids are at a vital stage of their emotional development and seeing this in your home may have long term effects on them and their future. Good luck and please look after yourself and your kids. Sorry that i'm putting it all on you to do something but your hubby aint going to do it and your kids cant do anything about it.
2016-04-01 11:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a really hard time for you now.. I am sorry..All you need now it is to be strong. I know it is very painful. Where was no reason to make you suffer so badly. Sometimes "they" don't even aware about that they do. Take a deep breath. You don't need to make a decision right now. Some people just can't forgive it. If you still love your husband don't push him away today, just talk to yourself. "Drink" your pain and cry as much as you need it, you'll feel relieve soon. Every decision you'll make after your pain is getting lees will be the right one. I really wish you a good luck and in the any case just remember- You deserve to be happy!!!
2007-08-10 20:43:21 · answer #5 · answered by irina v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to keep nagging you until you actually get it out in the open and deal with the pain and hurt it has caused. Don't constantly shame him, instead...see a marriage counselor together so he can see the true pain you felt. Your counselor will help you learn to let it go. It will be hard, but worth it if you want a happy marriage and if you truly forgive him. If your husband truly is sorry and won't repeat this hurt on you again, he will be happy to go with you. I'm going through this right now myself. It happend over 2 years ago, and we're just now getting all the pain out.
2007-08-10 20:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by Cija 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this happened. I think you should leave him. You deserve a faithful husband. Even if you forgive him and get over it...you'll still resent him for doing this to you and even as you grow older you just can't forget this. You shouldn't tolerate this. He cheated. He lost your trust and ruined the marriage. You live and learn. He's has to learn that he lost a wonderful woman...and maybe next time he won't f up...and you, you can move on and hopefully marry someone who really and truly appreciates the woman you are
good luck
2007-08-10 20:38:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's admirable that you want to try despite how strongly you feel. Perhaps marriage counseling would be a good option. This way the therapist could guide you in healing from the situation. Your nagging is due to the hurt you feel inside and it may ease with time but you definitely need support to get through this hard time.
2007-08-10 20:34:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time will help u heal. Trust me. Ive been with my husband for 15 years married 3. We have been through every single situation possible. I love him like theres no tomorrow. I knew when i met him hed be the man i was going to marry. But sadly, hes had his "issues" with women, and ive had muy trust broken plenty of times. I forgive but dont forget. If u really love him, stick it out, see what happens. But its the time that helps.
2007-08-10 20:53:59 · answer #9 · answered by mizchif2729 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the betrayal by a unfaithful partner is something you get over quickly and even if you repair it the scar still remains. My wife was cheating on me and we decided the best thing to do is get a divorce. You can try to keep busy; this way you don't think about it. **** Luck!
2007-08-10 21:35:25 · answer #10 · answered by Rafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋