Every since I had my first son Its like I'm married, barely any sex everything is about the kids shopping for family cars, we are engaged but now all of a sudden I feel like married life is not for me, I'm only 22. I think its the sex that did it, her first son( he's about 3) won't sleep in his own bed and we never get the bed alone, and I come home from work every day and its the same thing I love her but I don't know if this is right for me anymore, I don't think I can handle not having sex more than once a month and never going out alone with my girl. (I try and try for us do stuff alone but some how it never works out, but always seems to work out when it has to do with the kids, even if we have a baby sitter) Am I dog? I haven't even got to the point to get tired of sex and its like its non existant already, I know she cares about me, but what the hell? we're still young can this be it? Can kids change your life that much or am I just tripping out over nothing?
2007-08-10 20:03:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2007-08-10 20:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes children really CAN change your life that much! a child is exhausting not to mention a toddler. You're not married yet nor does it seem like you'd be willing to out forth that committment (no offense) so why do you say you feel as if you are married? Is it really because you feel so unsatisfied with your sexual intimacy and feel like blaming someone? If there is anyone to blame--- it's yourself!
Children are a very awesome responsibility and you need to be accountable for your actions by being a good father. If you don't ever see yourself getting married to the mother, fine whatever, but don't use the whole sex thing as an excuse to not be a parent.
If you are concerned about sexual intimacy, why don't you find out why it's so hard for your girlfriend to be away from your son just to have some couple time? Sometimes first-time mothers forget that their lives don't always revolve around their children, especially if they are in relationships. Yes you have a very young child but if she too is concerned about having a healthy relationship, she'll put forth the effort to be a couple again too.
You need to sit down and talk to her about how you feel and make it obvious. Tell her you feel unsatisfied, lonely, sexuall frustrated, and you feel awful because it seems like things are being blamed on your child, when in reality it's because excuses keep being made regarding your child and that's why there is no intimacy whatsoever.
Tripping over nothing? I think not.
2007-08-11 03:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by Flowergardener 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get the 3yo out of your bed. My kids never ever slept with us unless they woke up sick in the night. Very seldom, though. Talk with your partner in a mature, non-blaming, loving manner. The 2 of you can figure this out. Put each other first and the kids will fit right in very nicely. She is a loving, nurturing mother and it will be hard for her at first, but after a while she'll see that the kids won't disappear if you 2 take time for yourselves. Oh no, they will reappear soon enough, believe me. Whatever time you 2 can muster, make it quality time so both are fulfilled in the relationship. Set up a date night once a week that can't be broken unless one of the kids needs medical attention. Take her away for a few hours and then return home, take it slow at first and then go for longer periods. Good luck. I know you can make it work!!
2007-08-11 04:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were too young to start having children. I mean every one is ready for children at different ages. You sound like you weren't ready. I'm not saying you don't love your baby. I'm sure you do. You were pushed into the reality of a family to early. and YES kids do change your life THAT MUCH. your story is not unusual. I say give yourself time to settle into family life. oh, and lay down the law with your child. No sleeping in bed with mom and dad. you have your own bed. reasure him you are still home. be consistant. and insistant and don't loose your temper. good luck on keeping your sanity. It's hard for a lot of people.
2007-08-11 03:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by sam f & family 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You r very young .This life is NOT for you .You do not have the maturity to handel being a father YET>>. Go on ... meet others ...Do yourself a favor now... KIDS do change things . Being in a marriage is a growth process... KIDS COME LATER... after the growth w/ the wife ... HINT ..you can have sex anytime you want w/ the wife ...you just have to limit it sometimes ...ever heard of Quickies? Marriage is not about sex though . its about committment , respect , honesty , communication, a future together ,....forever and most of all ... ONE LOVE TOGETHER!!!!! You can get sex anywhere.... That too is a growth process in a marriage.... and that is important to realize....
2007-08-11 03:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids turn your life upside down...but if you two want this relationship to work you have to begin again. You have a son to think of now as well as his mom. You have to make time for each other...you both have to want to work of this to make it work.
The 3 yr old needs to sleep in his own bed. He is spoiled and will not want too at first but with patience and persistence he will sleep in his bed. That will help ease tension...
Good luck to you...I hope it works out the way you want....
2007-08-11 03:20:44 · answer #6 · answered by missyj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, kids can change your life THAT much!
You are at the point in your life where you are learning how to be a grown up. You are also have the added complication to learn how to be a parent and learn how to be engaged. You just have a lot on you right now.
I congratulate you effort to balance all this!
The only thing I can add is...NO KIDS IN THE GROWN UP BED!
2007-08-11 03:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by §♫♪‹(•¿•)›☼»-(¯`v´¯)-»\\ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why is the 3 yr old in the bed with you? thats a common mistake, that kid needs his own bed or it will cause more and more problems between the 2 of you. if your having second thoughts about getting married you need to talk to her about it. if she's not willing to see your side of it and understand and try to fix it maybe thats your answer. good luck and stick that kid in his own bed thats a foundation for a unhealthy relationship.
2007-08-11 03:14:06 · answer #8 · answered by icy_bath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, kids do change things. I have a kid and anytime my husband and i get to spend time together (since he's in the military)..we're all over each other. we appreciate each other and both realize that you can't have sex anytime you want...especially with a child. You have to make time. You can sneak off while your kid is sleeping on your bed and make love in other parts of your house. Or you can teach her 3yr old to sleep in his own bed. when he does..you'll have your bed to yourselves. you love her and she loves you....yes kids change things...but realize that you love her and are willing to live life as a married couple with kids.
2007-08-11 03:12:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes kids can cause this but you.2. need to sit down and talk this out it will drive you fauther apart normal no it isnt take time away from the children to be alone in my opion/
2007-08-11 03:21:32 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋