Please read my poem tell me what you think?

Question

Nothing is Wrong

Mother is upstairs,
Cleaning the kitchen sink.
I can hear the scrubbing,
As she is busily rubbing.
Going on today,
As if it were just another day.
Nothing to worry about she is ok.
Nothing is wrong,
Not one to complain.
She keeps it inside,
As if it is just another day.
Laughing at the jokes that,
Come from tv.
As if they are funny,
As if the sky above is sunny.
Like there is still something worth laughing about.
As if the sky is still gleaming and nothing is wrong,
She sings a song,
As the music blares from the stereo,
That does'nt run all that well.
Keeping herself busy,
Running about her life in a frenzy.
With a smile etched on her face,
Engraved like stone as if she is afraid that if she lets it down,
The silence may leave her and she may start to cry.
Then the day is done,
And the sun has gone down.
Not a star in the sky,
Nothing but darkness,
And now she can hide,
She can go in her room and cry.

(not done wait for details.)

All of the night.
She can stay inside with her smile undone,
She puts it away to wait for the day.
When she will put it back in place.
Because when the day comes she will go on,
As if nothing is wrong.
As she hides from the truth,
Keeps her secrets inside,
So when the sun is up,
Away go the tears so noone will know,
Her brother is dying from cancer,
Her lover has left her unwhole,
She keeps herself awake in the day,
With a smile etched on her face,
Smiling with a delicate grace,
So no one will ever know that behind that smiling face,
A frown is in place on her face,
And those twinkling eyes that she comes out with in the day,
Are hidden at night with the raining of tears that fall,
From her face.
Then the sun comes up and she smiles,
And goes on as if nothing is wrong.

To BETTY K
u are right exactly except its more of a poem from me to my mom a poem I entered for a contest here on Y! for the best poem. She has been going through the things I mentioned and is deppressed everyu day and at night she cries and I hate it. This is all about her!

To BETTY K
u are right exactly except its more of a poem from me to my mom a poem I entered for a contest here on Y! for the best poem. She has been going through the things I mentioned and is deppressed every day and at night she cries and I hate it. This is all about her!

Answer 1

Wow, it's so beautiful and touching, I almost cried. I thought of my mom instantly and wanted to call, only problem it's really late so I'll have to call tomorrow.

Thank You for making me see no matter how bad things get between my mom and I she is STILL my mom, and she does have stuff of her to deal with.

Thank You So Much

Ally

Answer 2

You have an important poem to write...but you wander, you string out, you stretch it out too far...you digress...but you need to do this. Think about the images you are trying to present...why do you think they have to be in sentences? Here is a small example of what I mean:

Mother's upstairs scurbbing the kitchen sink.
I can hear rubbing going on
just another day.
Nothing to worry about,Nothing wrong,
No complaints (they're kept inside),
Laughing at jokes on tv.
As if funny, the sky sunny.
She sings a song,
music blares from the stereo,
Keeps herself busy,
Running about in a frenzy.
smile etched on her face,
afraid if she lets it down,
The silence may leave
day's done, sun's gone down.
No stars, darkness,
now she can hide in her room
and cry.

Cut and cut some more...make images, don't tell us, show us. The shorter you can make this, the more important any image, the fewer images you need and the more impact your poem will have...and you need to do this right.

so keep writing...keep editing

Answer 3

A waste of words .....


"I can hear the scrubbing,
As she is busily rubbing.
Going on today,
As if it were just another day.
She keeps it inside,
As if the sky is still gleaming and nothing is wrong,
She sings a song,
With a smile etched on her face,
Engraved like stone as if she is afraid that if she lets it down,
The silence may leave her and she may start to cry.
Then the day is done,
And now she can hide,
She can go in her room and cry."

Answer 4

That became a stable poem. listed below are some suggestions: a million. Rhyme or do no longer, remember on what poem you will write. 2. Write approximately something which you recognize 3. Write approximately something on your previous. 4. placed song lyrics on your poem which you made. 5.and function a useful existence previous to you!

Answer 5

Sweetie, this is all about you and all about how sad it is for you to witness this, especially witnessing your mother going through this. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I truly believe you have deep feelings about your mom's sadness and her stage in life. But I also feel that hidden in what you've written is the burden of you feeling it.

My suggestion. Write about how you feel, through you. It's ok to do that. What I "think" (am not sure) you are doing right now is projecting onto your mother's situation instead of admitting what YOU are feeling.

If I'm wrong, that's ok.

Answer 6

It is a poem about what a mother is to her children, her family her friends,: never wanting to air or show what she feels in her heart: to always put up a courageous front that everything is OK , to keep what is not ok hidden and goes on from day to day suffering silent to
what has happened in her life.
This poem touched me as I'm sure all mother's can relate to it as pertaining to her
I rate it highly! bettyk

Answer 7

The poem speaks to me, so therefore, it is a good poem indeed. For I am a mother, and this is a mother's role. We keep on smiling even if we are crying on the outside. We protect those around us. You've captured this in your poem.

Answer 8

the facts kind of jumble into a story which is okay. more detail about the setting and her physical appearance would give a deeper thought to the reader and a clearer image of the mother. but i think the concept is amazing

Answer 9

Very beautiful poem about a woman with strong character. Women with never give up attitude. mothers are like earth. it carries our burden and produce crop.. lovely poem

Answer 10

its kind of choppy and it doesnt flow very well, but it has a ton of feeling in it. you can tell it came from the heart. and the good thing about it is its not overdone. u know the saying, "show me dont tell me"? well, usually the poems i read are so overdone with words. they're so verbose, but this wond isnt that wordy.