What should I do about my jealous husband?

Question

Well, I DO love my husband he is my world! He is my hero among other things. He is just so darn jealous. I have talked to him about this problem and he just gets very defensive. I have been told by friends and family that it is insecurity but he has nothing to be insecure about and I have told him over and over how much I love him. We have been together for 4 years married for 1 year. Here's an example : I found out today that an old friend of mine had passed away. I recieved an e mail on my myspace from another old friend (that was a man) telling me of the unfortunate incident. At the end of the email he wrote "by the way you still look great". I admit the statment was a little inapproprate but my hubby flew of the deep end when he read it. Oh yeah my hubby does check my e mails daily. Ok dont get me wrong my hubby is a very wonderful man. He is great to me and very loving. Just very jealous. What should I do? Am I going to have to wait for him to grow up? I want a happy marriage now

Answer 1

Jealousy is an overzealous attempt to ensure that you love him, and no one else.

I know you have talked to him in the past, but try again. Explain that you love no other, tell him that he is the one you dream about, that you think about all the time. Sit him down and explain to him that you dont want anyone else but him...but explain to him that his jealousy is pushing you away and creating a problem.

Work on it with him.

Eventually, he will become secure about the relationship he has with you.

As for the comments made to you by other people...explain to your husband that you can not control the actions of other people. Talk about the fact that as long as you are not acting on those comments, then thats what matters.

If you are walking down the street and a man looks at you because you are attractive...you can not control the actions of the other person. Explain this to him. If he can understand that you arent going to turn around and say..."Well, thank you handsome!" to the guy that stares at you, then maybe he can understand it from that angle.

Bottom line...he loves you very much and is afraid that he can not be everything to you. You have to change his mind.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my husband. He is great, but he was always ridiculously jealous. It bothered me a lot and my husband knew that, but things never changed. I just got better at avoiding situations that would make him jealous.

Finally, we went to a therapist and she explained a bit about how jealously works and how hurtful it is to a relationship. That day he said he would no longer be jealous. I was extremely skeptical. He stuck to his word though. A few weeks ago another student (a male) called fairly late at night asking about a homework problem that was due the next day. My husband could care less. We have been much happier together. At first it was very hard for him not to be jealous, now he just realizes how ridiculous it was and we can laugh about it.

Maybe you need someone else to get to the root of the problem. Your hubby might act like he is listening to you, but put up a defensive wall.

Answer 3

It sounds like he loves you, but he needs to understand that a big part of love is respect and trust. Invading your privacy (like checking your emails) is not only disrespectful, it shows he doesn't trust you. Does he have reason not to? Talk to him about it. Tell him you love him, and he has no choice other than to respect your privacy and trust you. Period. Change your password on your email account, voice mail, and whatever else. This is something that he needs to figure out on his own. You could tell him a thousand times a day that you love him and would never betray him, but he'll never believe it until he lets go of his insecurities and learns that he really can.

Answer 4

1) Why is he checking YOUR emails?

2) Why are you enabling him to act this way?

You have got to put your foot down and say enough is enough. There is nothing wrong with your old friend saying you still look great - your husband has gotten you so twisted up that you're buying into his bill of goods. It is HIS problem, not yours. And if you continue to cater to it, it will continue.

Put your foot down and be tough with him about this. I cannot belive you let it go on for so long. I think a part of you likes it. You might derive some kind of pleasure thinking how "protective" he is. You're off the mark. It's about control and although he is "such a nice guy," most controlling or abusive guys start out this way.

Put a stop to it now. If he won't, insist he talk to a therapist about HIS problem. You can't cure it, and he won't stop.

Answer 5

I know what you're going through and how rough it is. My husband's problem with jealousy got better with time because he needed to see that I'm with him. I think sometimes he still gets jealous, but I know there's nothing I can do about it so I don't get mad. I just try to reassure him as much as possible that it's him that I'm with. When you talk to him and he gets defensive, tell him that you want things to get better in life without worrying about him not having faith in your relationship. Don't blame him for what he feels.

Answer 6

First let me tell you I was to be married for ten years this past july but we never made it past my daughters birthday in may. Towards the end of our marriage i lost seventy pounds for myself and did a complete transformation on myself including my way of life and my attitude towards myself. I started loving myself and he hated that. I noticed that i had to have my cell phone at all times with me and answer when he called. If I were to be late from work i'd have to call even for five minutes. He became extremely jealous and i hadn't even cheated on him like he did on me at the beginning of our marriage. I confronted him and his response was that i act like the girls he works with. They constantly flirt and talk it up with the customers. My response to him ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME>.. He was comparing me to some of his whore co workers which i couldn't stand eiether.

You come to a point in your life when you say **** this **** i don't deserve this. HE's insecure about something and it is not good for him nor you. I can only tell you it gets worse and yes there will be moments where life is great all is well but that's not always the case. I'm telling you from what i learned and went through. Don't stay if he's not willing to change? Don't try to make him change if he doesn't want to and you don't change for him nor anyone! I did and regret that one thing. Leave before you end up hating him and that's when it gets ugly... GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

SUPICION IS OBVIOUS THAT DEEP IN HIS MIND SOMEWHERE , THERE IS SUSPICION, U HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT THERE IS NO SUSPICION, MUTUALLY, THAT EMAIL SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN READ BY UR HUBBY, DID THAT MAN SEE U ACTUALLY , THAT HE COMPLIMENTED U, OF COURSE THAT MEANS U STILL REMEMBER THAT EX-FLAME OR YOURS,

Answer 8

Don't think a lot,when he will feel hungry,there is no problem

Answer 9

Dump him, now. Love is trust, let no one tell you otherwise.

Answer 10

i dont knoe as im not married, im far from that im only 14 xD but from watching my mom n her fiancee...i think u hafta reasure him alot, if he starts to freak, give him a peck on the check or hold his hand, or put a hand on his shoulder.