My husband and I do not argue like most couples, we sit down togeather and talk out whats bothing us....but...

Question

after we get done talking, nothing ever gets done about what we talked about. Nothing changes except now we both know whats upsetting the other person. I don't know what to do anymore, I really need for more to happen. Any ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?

Answer 1

I think talkin about it is way better than actually fighting about it. If nothing is getting done and the problems ur having are not being fixed you need to ask him wat hes goin to do when ur talkin bout it. But dont say it in those exact words cause he will feel pressured

Answer 2

If nothing is getting done to change the way you both are upsetting each other, then the talks you both had didn't work.

Both of you are not even trying to fix it. If you have a problem, you need to fix the problem or else nothing gets done. Both of you need to be sensitive to each others feelings. If you are about to say something to your husband and you know what you are going to say is going to hurt his feelings, then you shouldn't say a thing. Same goes with him.

What husbands want is appreciation, love, and respect. Same with wives.

If one does hurt to the other, there should always be an apology and mean it. Don't apologize and then do the same thing over again, because that shows that you never meant it.

I would consider on reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

If want to fix this, then stop hurting each others feelings. Plain and simple. Instead, start loving your husband like a wife should. He will do the same.

Answer 3

I grew up in a family that never argued. When I got married I was in for a culture shock! I became withdrawn and started stuffing my feelings because I was afraid to talk about them. I had no idea how to argue or what to do! I had to learn to argue healthy. Going to a marriage counselor is not a bad thing. It does not mean you're crazy or weak. It actually shows that you two love each other and want to make your marriage better and stronger! I was told by my marriage counselor that arguing is actually healthy. Since you two can already talk about your feelings, SHOW them once in a while! Let him know that things not getting done or fixed is upsetting you. IT'S OKAY TO ARGUE in a healthy manner! Besides, making up later is awesome! Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Your on the right track, the main thing you both need to be thinking is "compromise".

If it's a difference of opinion, sometimes you just have to accept that the two of you have different ideas, that's why marriage can be hard.

Too many people enter into a discussion or arguement with the goal of changing the other persons mind. You have to be willing (sometimes) to say, Okay, I disagree, let's try it your way and see what happens, if it doesnt work, then we do things my way.

I hope that helps, but it is hard to tackle this question without specifics.

Answer 5

There are two problems with this. You and him. If things are not being resolved then one or the other needs to keep the promise going. You two might just really be okay with each other as you are. No one seems like there is enough of a problem to put the effort into fixing them.

Answer 6

don't worry about this. some time this kind of situation goes on. But i don't think it is really a problem. You better to go anywhere unusual, such as going for vacation. I mean u need a change along with your husband. It may help both of you to get something better. ......So all the best.

Answer 7

When you sit to talk about what is bothering you, you should have some resolution strategies in mind. For example, " I really get mad when you say you will come with me to my mom's, but when the time comes you have made other plans". A resolution might be that he agrees to visit with her once a month or that you will visit her on your own from now on.
Just a suggestion.

Answer 8

You have to focus on finding solutions to your issues. Talking about them helps, but after talking, there has to be some changes in the behavior so things get better.

Answer 9

That is because you two have learned to dance to a tune called I will tell you what you want to hear with no action to back it up. This use to happen to me and my ex for 3 years. We would argue, he would listen and tell me what I want to hear after he called me all kinds of put down and I retaliated with put downs to him as well and then I too would tell him what he wanted to hear. But my actions backed up what I told him and his didn't. Then before long we would have the same conversation and he would again tell me what I want to hear and the saga continued. I finally had to back up my actions of a concequence should he not back up his words. I left.

Now if you are having the problem we have now which is we argue and talk about what is bothering us, we finish and no one is ready to make a move. Example, he remains mad because I did not move back with him and I remain mad because he continues to lie and pressure me into moving back. Nothing changes after our talks because we have come to a dead end. Maybe that is what is happeing with you.

Answer 10

Sometimes you just have to let all reasonable dialogue go out the window and let rip! I would be suspicious of any couple that doesn’t at least occasionally hear the sound of slamming doors. You sound lethargic!