Don't Be A Stranger..... What do you think of this poem?

Question

Don't Be A Stranger

Though the light shines bright
You will not enter
Why do you stand afar off
In the darkness
Is there a pain that hinders
Or is rebellion your only freedom
Does chaos reign in the intricacies
And is order just a weak realm
Will the love you seek
Be found in the dark mist
For you were issued from light
But you resist to return
If eyes do not lie
Then view mine
And find some measure
Of truth, logic and love
A shadowy step
I offer you to climb
So that your brightness
Will be brighter than mine

Answer 1

I wish my boyfriend could write like this.

I love the lines:

"If eyes do not lie, then view mine, And find some measure, of truth, logic & love."

That was beautiful.

Answer 2

The poem's okay, but it needs some editing. "Why do you stand afar off"..."afar off"? better to just say "Why do you just stand there"...afar off is not even grammatically correct and is anachronistic in this context.
You're missing a beat in the next line...try "silent darkness" or "hurtful darkness"...that would set up the next line "is there a pain that hinders"...although hinders is awkward as well...you could just say, "is it pain's prevention", which would then set up the next line "or is rebellion your only freedom?" The next line you use "intricacies"...which means "complexities"...is that what you intended, or did you mean "details"?
The remainder of the lines are okay, the beats are slightly off, but they flow well enough.

in any event...keep writing

Answer 3

Beautiful!!

Answer 4

This sounds pretty nice. Almost great.

Answer 5

its awesome
great use of words
deep- i like it