L’Oneliness.... What do you think of this poem ?

Question

L’Oneliness

What mountain is higher than loneliness
And what valley is lower than despair
For my heart is torn in the wake of apathy
And I long for a life to share

The light stays dim behind my shades
And all the shadows glow
My voice echoes off the wall
With words that I don’t know

An orange beam filters in
Unwelcome guest in my room
What right the sun to be so bright
When I am filled with deadly gloom

My heart beats irregular
And my thoughts have no pattern
And I hear the wicked laughter
Because the ravens are a-gathering

My soul is on the wire
This might be the end
All the darkness, all the pain
Just cause I have no friend

So if you see me on the outside
Just smile and nod your head
And know that I’m still living
And not yet the living dead

Answer 1

i love it because i know that it is true for you.. the orange light you can actually see
everything in it is real.. i've writen poems like this before.. how i feel, what i see, what im wondering.
u have earned my respect for the poet thinks and the artist sees

Answer 2

I really liked this poem. I liked the contrast you created with
"What mountain is higher than loneliness
And what valley is lower than despair"

I also liked the POTENTIAL in the thought of the lines
"My voice echoes off the wall
With words that I don’t know"

You could have done so much more with that.

And there you went again with
"What right the sun to be so bright
When I am filled with deadly gloom"
which is another near cliche but not a cliche. The question of "what right the sun to be so bright" was absolutely lovely, brilliant, inspired.

OK, so Iiked it.

I have just told you the parts I liked. You seem to have moments of inspiration and creative steam and then weird episodes of damn creative laziness!!!

I really think you can write. I suggest you work on this particular poem some more. OK?

Answer 3

i think of that this area is great. Its common. What mountain is greater than loneliness And what valley is below melancholy For my heart is torn interior the wake of apathy and that i long for a existence to share the sunshine maintains to be dim at the back of my colors And all of the shadows glow My voice echoes off the wall With words that I don’t recognize something of the poem is a dismal pointless ramble.

Answer 4

This poem of despair limits the choices wwe have in life. Know ypurself and that you can do anything if you do not give up. Optimism can be yours for the choosing my friend. At one time I felt the same way that is described in the poem of despair: however I came through my despair. Now instead of hating myself and myu life I am on a wonderful journey called life. Everyday I find new things in life to learn.

Answer 5

adding subtle adjectives could make your poem more vivid without complicating the message. overall very honest, which is uncommon for what ive been reading... now just to sell your truth with concrete imagery to hook your reader hard...
8.0/10

Answer 6

ultimate epitome of loneliness...does this reflect your true sentiment..the irony of it all you should start smiling and nodding for then we know you exist.

Answer 7

woow.......it all goes well and it has deep meaning.....I could read this over and over again...great use of words and stuff...keep up the good work