what do you think of this poem?

Question

I wish that you were here,
when I washed that final tear,
it reminded me of the way you made me feel,
it was not a dream it was totally real.

I saw you outside the window,
waiting for summer to come,
and now that its finally here,
you only wish that I was near.

I open the door to see you,
but you were not there,
I looked everywhere,
but you were nowhere to be found.

I wanted to cry my heart out,
but that would not solve a thing,
so I gathered my belongings to find you,
but I soon found that you were gone for good.

Now I miss you more than ever,
you must have known,
you were always that clever,
I could not see what you had shown.

Ill make it alright if you just come back,
why did you go in the first place,
was it because of the way I act,
I can make it better if i just erase.

I am sorry that I just watched you,
but never told you to come in,
I am sorry that this was over,
before it could ever begin.

Answer 1

I love it.
and don't listen to Kevin S
Poems don't need a rhyme pattern

Answer 2

Well, it shows that you made an attempt at writing a rhymed poem. The problems are several, however. First, when you choose a rhyme pattern, good or bad, stick with it. Here is an analysis of your rhyme pattern:

AABB
CDAA
EFFG
HJEK
LMLM
NONO
EPQP

Next, your poem can be summed up as follows:
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt before you left, you were probably smart enough to know how I felt anyway, please give me another chance"...not much depth there I'm afraid. No metaphor, no allegory, no simile...a few forced rhymes and imagry that needs lots of work.

However, the mistakes you made are common ones that are often made by new poets, so please don't feel like you failed...you just took the first steps to becoming a better poet: you wrote something down and asked for a review. It takes guts to do that, especially if you've never faced rejection before. All you can do is try again and next time be more conscious of your rhyming pattern, try to make your rhymes sound more like natural occurances instead of forced events, and if you find that too difficult, then write in free verse until you become more comfortable painting pictures with your words instead of just "telling" us what's going on. Read the works of published poets from a variety of times and styles. You'll get a better feel for what works and what sounds "false".

but never stop writing...keep writing.

Answer 3

Pretty deep . I like it. But for each stanza...is there some sort of rhythm/pattern/rhyme? If there is...you should some stanzas over.

Answer 4

u should work on your rythm

Answer 5

... no comment ... twitch... gag... choke...die

Answer 6

could you 'emo' people not? seriously!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

...its sad...