Does anyone feel this way about divorce?

Question

My ex and I have been divorced for 7 years now..when we split up, I didn't want allimony nor do I want child support..I told my lawyers that when my son is with me, I take care of expenses and when he is with his dad, he pays for expenses..no big deal..The judge still awarded me child support but I don't make my ex give it to me..and in return, he's been absolutely greatful and has been paying for my son's school just because..all our assets we just split in half and I really didn't want to take advantage of him in any way..

People have said I was stupid and all that for not asking for more..Why is it that I'm weird for being civil and it's normal for women to take their husbands assets and want allimony too??

Answer 1

your not weird you are following the golden rule do unto another what you would have them do unto you. Good for you! you put honor and integrate above greed and revenge

Answer 2

You are quite unusual indeed although I took a simlar stand when I was divorced twenty five years ago. I did however get child support because without it I would not have been able to provide a decent life for my sons. Even with it, things were very tight. The reason I did expect it was that I had left my husband with ALL the marital assets...which included a fledgling business that would provide him with a good income (which it has for all these years). We had a verbal agreement that the business assets would be passed on to our two sons eventually. If I had taken him for a ride way back then, my sons would not have the opportunity they have today. I have not regretted this decision for a minute. I am capable of supporting myself through my own efforts and did not ask nor expect alimony. Congrats on taking the high road. I wish more people would place the needs of the children and the needs of their ex on an equal plain as their own. It would make for a happier overall life for everyone.

Answer 3

As long as he is willing to help take care of your sons expenses then fine, but not all men do that. My ex agreed by going to the child support lawyer and signing papers, but still does not pay his child support. My new husband and I support my son, and he has a lot of things he would not have if it werent for my hubby. His dad well he feels as long as his son is clothed, and fed, then why should he have to do anything, well because he is HIS son. He thinks taking his child to a movie or a theme park contributes somehow to his well being however, We pay for him to eat, dress, and have school supplies, we pay the electric, the phone, the insurance, his dad he uses the money that would normally go for bills at home if we were together to splurge on arcades and theme park rides. When my son plays tee-ball or basket ball Me and My Man pay for the uniforms, pics. and all the rest. He is a father, if you sat down and added up what if cost if you were to split your bills down the middle then you would see why he should support him. You don't think about it much, but w/a child you need a car, and car insurance, a home, food, clothes electric, water, gas, medical, then all the other extras, when you add it all up who is paying more? Who has extra cash to do all the things w/your son you cannot afford because his welfare is most important. You may get the help from you ex. that you need and deserve, but for all others if it weren't for child support lawyers fighting you would be lucky to get more than just a phone call to check up on the child. Congrats your sons dad is not a dead beat, wish the rest of us could say the same!

Answer 4

You and you're ex sound like wonderful people. If everyone could be that civil the world would be a much better place. The fact you don't make you're ex pay court awarded child support and he still supports his child, like people should do, shows they're are good parents who really love and think of their kids during divorces. I don't think you are stupid or weird, I think you are great. Sadly, because of some dads or moms child support usually has to be ordered by court, instead of people just supporting their child because it's rights thing.

Answer 5

If you are sharing custody, and spend equal time with the kids, then there is no reason for child support, but if you spend more time with the kids, then the financial burden is on you. The court probably ordered it because they didn't want to set a precident by not doing it. But if you don't want it and it makes things work out better for you and your ex and the kid, then more power to you. I was never interested in alimony, or any other assets either. I made as much as him and we split things 50/50. If the wife is a stay at home mom and not earning income, then I can see the courts ordering alimony too, until she an establish herself in a job. Especially if it was a joint decision that she stayed home with the kids. It does work out much better if there is less to fight about with a divorce, especially when there are kids involved.

Answer 6

Some women want to make their ex's suffer, but I give you "kudos" for not doing that to your ex. When couples go and fight for assets and alimony, it only makes the relationship for the child worst because both parents are very angry and hateful towards each other. Since your ex is in your son's life and helps out with your son's school, then you definitely made the right decision. You don't want to have hateful feelings towards each other....sometimes marriages just don't work out, but it doesn't have to be ugly with the divorce. Good job for you!

Answer 7

My ex and I started a business together. When I left, I took no money, no furniture, just my clothes and a family heirloom bed. I didn't want the split from the business, alimony, or child support. I wanted to be as free from him that I could be. I also didn't want his world to collapse around him and have out daughter see it. I found a new career, bought new furniture and built a new life. I agree, I don't understand why people feel they have to take so much. I started out terrified, I ended up successful.

Answer 8

you are not weird for being civil
me and my ex are as civil as we can be we even still do family days togther with our new significant others we belive its important for our kids to see we can still get along for everyones sake i do take child support from him and we split all other expenses 50/50 my resons for the child support are simple 3 boys are expensive to raise and he always had the better paying job so i could be home more with them i did not care to take anything else but had to follow the law and the lawyer so you guys keep up the great work and hopefully it always stays this civil and happy

Answer 9

I applaud you for being so civil and for having an ex-husband that is not taking advantage of you. You are both doing what is right for your child. You should be the poster couple for all divorces! Fortunately, I'm happily married but my sister just got divorced and her ex made it so much uglier than it needed to be.

Answer 10

i think you are one in a million...a good person. as long as you are sure you arent being taken advantage of(and you can afford it) then you are doing the right thing.
personally, i would have to have alimony, for i stay home with 3 kids and earn no income.
but for the child support, if its ordered, it will sooner or later come to bite him on the tush, whether you enforce it or not.
is he a very good guy? a great father? then you are doing everything as it should be. but perhaps he is taking advantage??? it is possible, admit it!

Answer 11

I give you credit and respect for your actions, wish more people could work things out mutually. The Lawyers are the only ones who seem to win with ugly divorces. Most lawyers are leaches of our society.
Again, I respect and honor your decision. As long as you and your ex are raising your son together, you all three are winners.