Opinions on NOT getting married?

Question

I've been w/my bf for 7 years..we communicate well, amazingly still are in love and the sex has just gotten better and better through the years..I think if I told everyone the truth you might think I'm just lying..so I'll spare you guys the mooshy stuff.

Anyway, I've been married for a year and divorced before I met my current bf..I don't want to get married, ever..I just want to grow old with him, and vice versa..My opinion is, won't know who my soul mate is until we are old and gray and we can say to each other.."We have lived a full, great life, babe"..

When we met I did tell him that someday marriage or not I wanted an engagement ring to symbolize what I mean to him and this year he just went to Tiffany's and spent a fortune on a wonderful ring....yes, my friends tell me it's time for me to get married..and they always frown (even my neighbors) when I say there's no need right now..What's the deal with everyone- specially women??

Answer 1

The bottom line is, it is your relationship and as long as your boyfriend is okay with not being married, then it is what works for the 2 of you and as long as you are happy (and it sounds like you are) then it is no one else's business whether you are married or not. Does marriage make the relationship better? No, it is the commitment, honesty and faithfulness of the couple involved that make the relationship what it is. I know plenty of married couple that aren't that happy after less than half of the time you've been together. More power to you and I wish you a lifetime of happiness together!!!

Answer 2

So are saying that you wish to get married out of high school instead of going to university? That it is less expensive to get married than get an education? From your point of view, you do not see the big picture. I am sure many people older than you out here who have experiences you do not even know about can objectively tell you this: get an education. What is late teenaged emotion and real love is powerful because right now you think that is all you need and want. If that is true, then the love and desire will still be there when you are a little older. An education last forever, but as you mention yourself, some will say, and statistics tend to agree) that getting married young leads to more divorces and even a much lower standard of living. You can of course ignore this advice and say that it won't happen to you, well it might, and it is likely to be a harder road. Can't you find some sort of in between? If not, ride it out for a while. Get a two year associates degree or something before marriage, and work toward your advanced degree afterward, even part time. That is a reasonable compromise and only delays marriage two years, actually 22 months, which is not that long in terms of your whole life. Please give it some thought. Best wishes.

Answer 3

First of all, I respect that he bought you a ring to show his commitment to you, but it's not an "engagement" ring if you have no intention of getting married. It can be a "promise" ring or "commitment" ring, but not an engagement ring. Also, i think that if this is what you truly want, you should buy him a ring also to symbolize your commitment to him.

That being said, I've never been married but I am getting married next spring and I can't wait. Not because I feel some need to get married, but because I love him and I KNOW that he's the one that I will be with forever. My opinion is that these steps were created for a reason and that each one brings you closer together. If you stay at one stage too long, you tend to get stuck and the relationship itself doesn't move forward.

I know many people feel that they shouldn't "put a contract" on their love and commitment to each other, but I wonder if they are truly that committed (and trust in how committed the other is) if they aren't willing to take that step.

I'm not going to judge you. I beleive everyone should do what makes them happy, but make sure that it's what both of you truly want and it doesn't come from fear or a need to be rebellious.-

Answer 4

My husband and I never wanted to get married, we just didn't see a need for it. BUT, after 6 years, we finally caved into parental pressures and tied the knot. 3 years later, absolutely nothing has changed in our relationship, except it's a lot easier for us to take care of the business side of life...people (ie the electric company, insurance, ect.) take you more serious as someone's 'wife' rather than 'girlfriend.'

Not knowing you at all, I would say, don't be afraid of marriage because you had a bad experience. This is a new man and a new relationship. But, there's also no real need to get married, if you don't want to. Only do it if you feel like it's something you desire. But, I would say, if you decide to not get married, I would try to find a way to protect yourself legally/monetarily in the case that one day he's gone.

Answer 5

For women, marriage means security. It also means family. iF u don't have kids, then the ideal would be a married mommy and daddy, to raise the kids. IT's traditional. The guy cant just leave like he can if u just live together...and since the sex will fade, and love will go stale, women think it's better to seal a guy into marriage, so u can be urself one day, and he won't be able to run away. He's bound and stuck with u through good and bad times. But where's that contract when ur just living together? I think, if not ever getting married works for u guys, then go for it. I know it's hard to be around ppl who frown on ur lifestyle, but I would just keep in mind that they haven't walked in ur shoes, and don't put clothes on ur back, or food on ur table, and relize they mean well, and go on ur business. They probably also wonder, that if everyhing is perfect, then y wouldn't u want to seal the deal, and get some of his benefits as ur husband? I don't know how much a spouse gets if they're not married and they split up, but married getting divorced, u get stuff.

Answer 6

What does he want? Does he want to get married some day? If so then you both need to talk this over and come to an agreement. If he's just has happy and fine with this not ever getting married thing, then leave it alone and go on with your lives. Tell people this is what the both of you want- (to be together but not married)!

Answer 7

Well for women ever since they were little girls they were taught that prince charming is going to come along and take care of them and sweep them away in the big castle. Well you are more than obviously cracking that myth wide open to have the prince the ring and don't want the fantasy princess life.

Now in my opinion I actually like the thought of someone trully commiting to me. And yea I want the traditional marriage. After all I'm willing to fight to make it work. Alot of people aren't and I think that is ashame, but we all choose our own paths. If you find your happiness your way, I will find it my way as well.

Answer 8

Well that is totally up to you and your partner. Marriage does change your relationship to a certain point. I think it's made my relationship alot better with my husband, we definitely communicate more. You're right though I know alot of women who just have to get married, I still haven't figured that one out yet!

Answer 9

i say if ur happy the way it is keep it that way.it seems like when u get married everything changes.

Answer 10

They are jealous. If it works for both of you, then don't fix it. But be careful....

The easiest person in life for you to fool is yourself.