Am I being unreasonable?

Question

I had my son 6 weeks ago and he was five weeks early. My son and I are now home after a long hospital stay and my husband has been spending 3 plus nights a week out and comes home around 3 am. Monday I told him he had to choose between having a family to come home to or going out everynight. It seemed like a hard decision after 2 days he promised he would stay home more and not stay out so late. Tonight I went to pick up my step son with my new born which lives over an hr each way. While on my way my husband called and said he was going to 'hang out' and he stated he and his friends were going to a race track 2 hrs away. He said they planned on leaving a 9pm and he would be home late. When I got upset he said Im trying to keep him from having friends. Is it wrong of me to expect him to stay home and help me with the kids? Anyone elses husband done something like this and what did you do? I love my husband but im not sure he loves me anymore. Any advice?

Answer 1

You just had his baby and picked up his son and he wants to hang out with his friends at the track????? Your husband is being extremely selfish and childish. He's not taking care of his family and he's ignoring HIS responsibilities. You didn't make your baby alone and had nothing at all to do with making your step child. He needs to have his *** at home. Not be out with his boys.

Answer 2

Wow I totally understand where you're coming from. No you are NOT being unreasonable what so ever. I'm sure he still loves you, men just have funny ways of showing it. Maybe you should give him a chance. You said you had told him on Monday night he needed to stay home more. Let him go out with his friends a couple of nights a week, but I think he should be home way before 3 am. What's he doing out that late anway?

Answer 3

Whatever your true feelings are deep inside regarding your situation with your husband is true. Yes, he's cheating on you and I know you might get upset reading this; but I think you already are know but don't want to deal with this due to your new born and raising your stepson. Your husband should be supporting you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically having himself at home helping you with the baby. He should be right by your side everynight unless he have a night job.

Just let him know again you don't like the idea that he's out late into the wee hours of the night. Ask him why don't he plan times with his friends at a decent time or ask them to visit him at home for an hour. Your husband's priorities should be with you and his family. Let him know if he doesn't want to do what's the healthy and right thing for you and the family then you need to leave. Be strong; there's an old saying that "you can do bad by yourself why have a man around that doesn't do anything to support and cherish you. God Bless!

Answer 4

I dealt with a lot of that sort of thing with my husband. not bars, but hanging out in the shop with the guys working on the racecars, going to the racetracks and coming home late. All the time. I got very tired of never being the priority. When kids came, it got worse because then I was busy with the kids and he kind of did his own thing. But ultimately he was a good provider and I loved him and so I kind of dealt with it. Plus I wanted him to be able to enjoy his time and his hobby and I thought I was being supportive. Then I found out he'd had a couple of affairs as well. Seems that by me giving him room to have his friends and hobby and "space" he took complete advantage of it. I say put your foot down now! I wish I'd had the nerve back then, would have saved me and the children a lot of heartache down the road.

Answer 5

what bullshit! you have a newborn! he has a new baby. who's taking care of the kid while he is out and about? I'd to tell you but you might want to rethink him. that, or he needs to re think his priorities. my husband would NEVER do that. is your husband a family person? does he talk to his parents much? those should be signs whether or not he is interested in being an active father/husband. Its not wrong at all! you deserve better. go to marriage counseling, it not change the locks on the door while he is out. that will send a message to him. I hope it works out. if not, be strong and know that you don't need a man to love your life and your children.

Answer 6

Oh you poor girl, I know you love him but you need to do both yourself and your baby a favor and tell him to get out. Sometimes people have to come very very close to losing the things most important to them before they realize what they are doing, and if he doesnt smarten up then...well you are both better off without him. You know that you dont deserve this, and you dont want you son to grow up thinking it is okay to treat women in this manner. I don't think it's a question over whether your husband still loves you but more about whether he can grow up and take responsibility. You are not trying to heep his from having friends, you are being a good mother, and your first responsibilty is to that new precious baby. I wish you the best.

Answer 7

you have to look at the facts here. he isn't leaving until 9pm for a track that is 2 hours away. tracks are not open that late. i hate to put it in your mind that he might be doing something else, with someone else, but it NEEDS to be in your mind. my hubby was like that with our first child. he went out 3 nights a week and left me at home while i was pregnant. i told him to stop or i was leaving. there is a difference between hanging out with your friends and abandoning your family. men who are married and have children have no business being out until 3am on multiple night of the week. once a month maybe, but that's it. it's up to you to lay down the law or leave.

Answer 8

My ex husband wasn't around much after our daughter was born. He really liked to have fun, and it wasn't much fun sitting around with a post par-tum basket case and a colicy baby. I was a basket case because my husband wasn't home, and I am pretty certain the baby colic'd because of the stress that was in my body. Anyhow, he came home (don't know when because I wasn't there) I moved out, didn't say good-bye, we were just gone. That's what I did after about 6 months of that.

Answer 9

I had my ex doing this to me and I was fed up and until I left his *** did he get the picture. Hope you do not have to go to this extent, but sometimes you got to do what you have to do to be heard. I am woman, hear me roar!! Have you heard that one saying? SO, no you are not being unreasonable and I am sure you are asking because he is making you feel this way. Of course he would because by causeing you doubt he gets to escape, guilt free. Woman, let him know you are not ok with it. And when he calls you to tell you he is hanging out with the guys.....say no, I don't think so honey, I would like for you to help out or at least keep me company or hang out with me and the kids or just me....see where I am going with this. You matter too and if you don't let him know this, he will walk all over you like a doormat. Speak up and don't feel guilty for asking for your needs too.

Answer 10

No ! No! No! You are not being unreasonable. He is. He might be feeling scared because he feels tied down even more, or he could be looking elsewhere for his fun. Try to talk with him about your feelings and concerns without coming across as angry or putting the blame on him. Just state how his behavior makes you feel and ask if a compromise can be reached. If not, you might have to face the fact that he is not man enough to live up to his vows and fatherhood.