http://morethanimagination.blogspot.com
Please comment on the site, not here.
I wrote this to kill some time so I hope I wouldn't be wasting yours when you read it.
2007-08-10 16:20:34 · 3 answers · asked by ♫tweet75♫ 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
If you want, u can comment on the next story if u wish, thank you if you do so.
P.S: Im working on some new material.
2007-08-10 16:21:55 · update #1
I think readers would have more of a a connection to the story if it wasn't about "she..she...she" and "her...her...her." A name to add realism would help. Also the ending was kind of predictable. I think if the last line had something like "until her mother’s hand softly patted her shoulder to wake her up in time for school. She opened her eyes and it was not her mother. It was a fireman" that would leave us wondering.
2007-08-10 16:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was a good story. I do agree with the other person... less herherhershesheshe if ya know what i mean. I once wrote a short play for school, and i had my mother edit it. It was about a Mayan girl when the empire was all the rage, and she got sacrificed. But then she woke up and it was all OK. My mother said, "that was ok, but it was so predictable." I was really annoyed she hadnt loved my play, but what she said was true. It was all to predictable. So, i changed the story. When she woke up, the same thing happened as the beggining of her dream, and she tries but fails to get away. So, when igave my edited copy to my "editor," i got much better reviews. The ending was less predictable. So, yet again, i agree with the frst person to answer your question.
2007-08-11 00:01:18 · answer #2 · answered by dolphincat1662 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I already answered your other question and commented on your stories, I think they were excellent and it definetly wasn't a waste of my time~ Please read my comments
2007-08-11 00:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋