Why are you all not as frightened by these questions as I am?

Question

Please read page after page of questions asked here. All I see is young people scared to death by the thought that they are Gay! What kind of world have we, as Gays, allowed to rise up around us? We have been in this revolt business for 38 years now, and we seem to have gone nowhere in a handbasket. I see questions about Gay Pride (sickening rebuttal to what these parades accomplish), fear of being Gay because of what the Religious Right has instilled in our country in the last 3 decades, and so much more...where is the equality...it isn't just about marriage, it is about life!. When and how do you plan on actually making changes in the world according to Gay! You don't even get out and Vote! What kind of world are you leaving behind when you care only enough to gripe about our plight, but not enough to do something about it. And yes, I am mad as hell...at YOU, GAYS! You have overwhelming power, yet you squander it by doing nothing except writing here at YA!

Answer 1

Goldwing - great question - but you went on a lot more than you usually do. This has really gotten under your skin. Of course that's OK - means you actually have feelings are not afraid of them. Good on you, mate.

And fear, I believe, is the motivation in the heart of the young people who write in with the hundreds of "Am I gay?" questions. All of us struggle with conflicts within - especially at the 15-25 age range. They are seeking some help in making the choice/judgement on their current and future sexuality. Too bad their parents couldn't do a better job - but that's where they are at. And where we were all at: some of us are still there, frozen by fear.

Even if there was no anti-gay sentiment on our society, they would still struggle with the question of their orientation. True, one fear would not be active: the fear of being rejected or outcast by the friends and family. And you are correct to note that this fear is alive and kicking in them as they struggle with their sexual identity.

Same thing happens in young people who are considering a spiritual path different from their family of origin or culture.

I don't think society's thinking can be changed much - and I'm not optimistic about the ability of activism to change it quickly. But society's thinking does change by itself. Meanwhile what we can do it teach young kids how to learn to overcome and walk through their fears, making them strong men and women who can confidently make their choices even if there are unpleasant consequences today.

Peace, and to thine own self be true.

Answer 2

Hey Goldwing, I see a very big difference between the world I live in and Y'Ans.

Society as a whole has progressed, and a lot; I hear of so many 14 year olds that already feel confident about their being gay and informing their parents - and of so many parents not having a problem with that. Those that do NOT have that possibility, often turn to the internet. In my opinion this is why online you would get a wrong impression. The world has progressed in that respect.

Same for the biggots: if something is not PC, it goes underground, but I can not take people serious that anonymously try to stir.

The online world is a different community, and does not give a true impression of society as a whole - like attending meetings of KKK do not tell about society as a whole.

I'm gay, fully open, happy about it, never had problems with it, help others who do, try to set examples where ever I go, and do so for lgbt rights, environment, just politics, sustainability and other issues alike. Rights for gays must progress, but so must anything else.

Answer 3

I'm 24 and personally u'd have my vote if u were to become president!
That's the way I feel...
I had no problem accepting my sexuality...
I told my whole family about me being gay...
All of my friends know my reality and when I read about boys FEARING that they could be gay... well... I'm a bit ashamed...
Unfortunately the gay community is sooo selfish...
Think about the gay pride...
I was really pro that, but than my boyfriend made me think...
How can we really be taken seriously if our "gay pride" is represented 80% by naked men dancing, drag queens and transexuals with their chests out of their shirts?!
I know that the gay community is not just that, but did u see the television?
When it speaks about the pride?
Well the images are just the one that I mentioned before... and what does this bring us to?
To the fact that the society look at us as a circus and they'll never respect us, that's why most of youngers fear their homosexuality...
I live my gay pride day by day with my boyfrien acting normaly, walking hand in hand with him in the daylight, kissing him under a tree in a park at 12 AM and introducing him as my boyfriend and not just as a friend...
If we want any changes we need to change ourselves first!
But that's so hard for sooo many people...

Answer 4

Although I agree with you on many points in your statements I have to disagree with a few others.

Yes, I to was afraid of being gay when I was a younger man, and did something that I still, to this day, regret and that was to put myself through the ex-gay movement. Although it ended up straighting up and helping me actually feel better about coming out, i still regret all the time lost to praying, fasting and months of self loathing. Am I better off after doing that? Yes and no. I know many a bible verse to spar with the religious right, but I still have all those times filled with self hate pecking at the back of my head.

It has also straightened up my resolve to make this world a better place for the LGBT community. I vote when I can, advocate for the right people, donate when there is the funds, explain when there is doubt, hope for a better tomorrow, and try to be a good role model for everyone so that they can see that the stereotypes about gay people are not true.

Yes as a group of people we do not seem to have the best voting record. I think that that has been changing over the last few years. With the prick we have in office and the republican religious machiene at work it has scared many gay people into action. Espically with the Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA) in place and a threat of making marriage between a man and a woman a Constitutional Amendment seemed to light a fire amongst many gay individuals.

I hope that next time you expound that you try not to make such a broad sweeping generalization about all gay people.

I write here on Y!A becuase its fun.

It allows some people who might be afraid to ask questions a safe place to do so.

It may give some who don't have any hope just a little.

It can give great advice on things that a lonly gay person might not have the ability or resources to ask anyone close to them.

It can at times show that there are people who still hate the LGBT community and ways to fight them.

It can give a person who feels they are alone a place to feel some solidarity.

It gives people a place to sound ideas off each other.

It may give that lost soul a place to feel welcome.

It also gives a place for us older more experienced LGBT people a place to give advice for the younger LGBT indiviuals coming up in a world made a little better by those preceeding them and us.

These are just some of my thoughts, who know I may be wrong.

Answer 5

And your contribution to the life?

We here are not ALL confused kids squandering our forefather's efforts. Many of us were, and are still avid participants in the Gay fight for freedom and respect. We DO VOTE, and push for change, we do partake in the fight on a daily basis, and not just gab about it. What little time we have to ourselves living our Gay lives and pushing forward to better Gay lives, we spend here, answering concerned questions from our concerned youth, and if we're not blasting stupidity if just to blow off a little steam after a hard days work, we just hope some of our advice goes noticed and helps some people make the right decisions in their lives.

So get a handle on yourself before accusing all YA! users of being the scared little ding dongs you read question from here all too often.

Yes, I'll agree there are plenty too many sad notes here on fear and homophobia, and all too many more just plain stupid inquiries. But that's true anywhere on Yahoo Answers. But you're not reading the answers apparently to know that this forum beats kids' not asking the questions and not getting a variety of concerned answers to choose from for making their right or wrong choices in life.

This forum may not solve the Gay communities problems like marching on Washington has, or whatever other direct contribution people can make helping their Gay community. But it sure helps to communicate, and keep communication open for all people (Gay and straight) through technology. Communication is knowledge. Homophobia isn't all about big cities. It's alive and well in rinky dinky farm towns all across rural America and the world in general where a lot of these kids come from and where there isn't back-up Gay communities (that they know of) for them to be Gay with, get educated from, and come out into the world with, and to fight the fights with.

So think about that next you want to rant about sh*t, and maybe spend a bit more time helping the rest of us educating our youngens on Gay rights and freedom and life, offering some advice, and spend less time over at the senior citizens lounge toasting the old good Gay war stories and griping about today's Gay youth while searching the bottom of your c*nt purse for exact change for that last box on the shelf of Just for Men.

Answer 6

You have no clue what I do away from my home and I am saddened that you make such a value judgment without knowing me. There is much that is being done by the gay community that is not always being written about. I don't know where you grabbed that 38-year figure but it doesn't repesent the beginning of anything. Gays were already organizing long before Stonewall. Laws were being changed. Organizations and publications existed. Alot of progress has been made and alot more needs to be made. Last night, one of the candidates, an older gentleman like yourself said that by the next election (2012) gay rights would not be issues. A straight man said this. That says quite a bit about the progress that has been made.

Answer 7

It seems as if there is a substantial percentage of gay people who are accepting of what freedoms they have without regard that these freedoms have been hard fought for and are in constant jeopardy.

Many people do not take the time to vote, much less understand it's importance or impact on their lives. It is even more unfortunate when gay people do not take the time to care about what a difference their vote and their voice could make.

Everyone should realize that some rights, liberties, and freedoms are not absolute and can change on the whims of politicians and, if you choose not to exercise your right to vote, you have lost your voice.

Answer 8

Back the f*** off a little before you start coming after me! I vote and pay attention to politics. If I weren't begging my parents for money to make ends meet I'd donate to LGBT organizations like Equality Ohio. I work full time and go to college full time and have struggled with depression since I was 12. I'm not exactly in the situation to put as much in as some but I try to do what I can by paying attention and actually voting so don't start in on me! Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the insurance on your goldwing costs more than my income so let's start looking at this objectively before we start attacking people. I'll agree that things aren't where they should be. The pride parades are a joke anymore. The community seems to be more about getting shitfaced and sleeping around than gaining equal rights. The radical right has been waging a successful war (for them) against us for decades. Maybe it's time the community got a few more activists instead of pennies and a few more leaders than bars. We might actually have more to celebrate then...

Answer 9

I impact others in real life, but I spend time here also. Thing are much better than they were 30 years ago. I was not afraid o coming out, it was obvious and I has no choice but to receive ridicule and worse. Now people just come here scared as to how to do it, that is an improvement. Society is a great lumbering beast you are not going to see it turn around in your lifetime, but you can have an affect towards the turning

Answer 10

Like yourself I get frustrated by the complacency of todays LGBT young adults and fortunately far fewer LGBT older adults I was part of the whole civil rights movement back in the late sixties and early seventies, and even I hid from the Lavender Menace as they moved in on the women's movement. I like others are more interested in being happy for today. they don't even see the big picture yet.

Now as move away from the protection of the gay community to the untested waters of gender definition let me tell you how I'm starting to see things like movements.

I like to think of my own gender as being fluid like. Folks like us are force of nature. We can and do change the very face of the shores we touch, but what we have to keep in mind is that not every shore will welcome our changes.

You can and no doubt will run into people and places that will not welcome you and will do everything in their power to stop you reaching land. These will be the tests that will show you and others who you are.

It's up to you at these points to consider if this shore's content will add to who you are as most any riverbank does to the waters that move across it or if it would cost you too much of who you are to stay and fight this shore for access.

Choose your battles well my friend. some stones can seem unmovable, but when you hit one you just can't seem to get through, remember the formation of the Grand Canyon is still a work in progress, but it is still progressing because of the fluid nature of water. Water doesn't get stuck on things as often as we do.

But if we keep in mind that another ripple will be coming behind us to try that same shore, and then another and then more and more, we realize we don't need to let the shore stop us, and the more time we spend fighting the shore for access the more we slow our own journey and indeed our own growth.