He won't understand my fears, why?

Question

right before marrying him I moved in with my husband because he already owned a house in "Eminem"'s neighborhood. Not the worst yet in the last 5 years it had been impossoble to sell the house and crime had spiked. Due to the increased real life violence, I am always jumpy if I hear the littlest scratch or noise or cry..My husband is a big fan of Gory and Scary movies. I am just for some reason unable to view any specially at night and I get panic attacks. My husband now just don't understand and even we have fights because of me feeling too shaky from extra violence that is only reminding me of my real life surroundings. I also canot help but thing of divorcing not only to be free to move out and back to a safer neighborhood but also away from a husband that don't seem to feel my pain and stress and dismissed reality until one of us becomes a victim.
I need your insight, please. Married for 5 years so far.

Answer 1

I wouldn't go filing divorce papers over some scary movies and a bad neighborhood. Compromise, he either watches the movies alone, once a week and you need to invest in a security system. He's a man, its his job to be macho, your a lady and he loves it that you are so paranoid-makes him feel needed. I say invest in motion sensors and maybe alarms, and look into real estate that is near you home, but in a safer neighborhood! But don't leave over this, there are millions of other things that could be wrong with your marriage, and this is not one of them!

Answer 2

While we all know that we cannot change another person, we can only change ourselves; I suggest you try looking at it from his point of view. Realistically, without judgment. Two people can see the same thing and have very different opinions and/or reactions.

He is your husband. He is a man. He most likely feels he can protect you from harm. I would venture to guess this is why he doesn't understand your fear(s) about this situation.

I am curious as to why divorce has popped into your head. Marriage is supposed to be about the good and the bad.. and yes the scary. I understand you want to move, that is natural. I don't understand why you would sacrifice your marriage over something such as this.

Perhaps trying a different approach to discussing what you're feeling with your husband. If you feel he isn't validating your fear(s) try going about it a different way. Have you attempted bringing it up when it's not at it's peak? Discuss it over dinner, morning coffee, when you're out together.

As for selling the house.. you could put it up for rent & find some where else to move as a couple. Just because you can't sell the house now, doesn't mean you can't move. Yes, it may be difficult in that finance might be tight etc, but if the two of you want to, it can be done.

Remember, I never said it would be easy. Just that it's possible.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

I can understand your fears, however, fear alone is not a reason to get a divorce in my opinion. You haven't met scary until you've met me. I absolutely HATE scary movies of any kind and I don't like movies with blood or drug scenes either. So that pretty much puts a limit on what me and my husband can watch together. Also, regarding the violence in your husband's neighborhood - it sounds like you knew he lived there prior to getting married, so how can you really complain now? Moving to a ritzy neighborhood isn't going to validate you or make you feel safer. Infact, there is crime EVERYWHERE. I feel that your husband should try to be a little more understanding about your fears, however, I think you may benefit from seeing a counselor especially if you are ready to throw in the towel. If everything else in your relationship is peaches and cream, then I would suggest you get help to save your marriage. Good Luck!

Also, whenever people come over and are watching something I can't handle, I go into another room or I will flat out leave. Try to avoid putting yourself in a situation that you can't handle.

Answer 4

Boy, your husband sounds insensitive to your needs. If the neighborhood is that bad to where you are paralyzed with fear and it is affecting your happiness, he should be agreeable to move. I don't think it's a reason to divorce someone, but you must find a way to make him understand how insecure you feel living where you are. It's a difficult situation because he owns the house there and probably doesn't want to lose the money he's invested.

I hope y'all can work it out! And I don't like seeing scary movies either. They creep me out, and my neighborhood is fine. You are just a more sensitive creature than he is, and he should just respect that that's the way you are. You can't change that!

Answer 5

Almost no one can feel the anxiety of another person, over something they don't feel and have never felt themselves. Your husband doesn't feel afraid so he doesn't feel that you need to feel afraid. I hate to say it, but this is not going to change. He isn't listening to you and unless you pack your bags and get out of there, you may be either a victim of the neighborhood or of your husband, but either way, don't put yourself in danger, ever, ever. Get out of there. Now!

Answer 6

Get out now before you have a mental break down. He enjoys this kind of stuff. It creates an anxiety for you. Sooner or later if the environment doesn't change, you will end up on prozac or other medicines. LEAVE, with or without him.

Answer 7

I don't care for movies like that either. IF my husband decides to watch a movie I don't like, I go to another room and read. If he asks why, I tell him I don't want to watch it. If he does the "but honey..." thing, I tell him I don't make him watch chick flicks, he shouldn't be pushing me to watch his junk.

Either we end up in bed, or I get back to my book after that.