Feared- your children will listen to you, follow your rules, respect you but not exactly love you
Loved- your children will love you but will not always listen to you
2007-08-10 15:11:03 · 17 answers · asked by tea kettle 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I want love and I want my kids to be happy. I've seen kids of parents they're made to fear and they don't seem to be happy at all. Let them be kids, and enjoy their childhood.
2007-08-10 15:19:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some balanced synthesis of the two would be ideal.
Here are some problems I see with having these out of balance, b/c I think you left some things out.
Too much fear: Leads to repression and can be very dangerous IMHO. Usually leads to children not listening to you AT ALL at some point, and some deep resentments can ensue.
Too much 'love'. Quotated for a reason. I don't think I need to go into detail how 'too much love' can be exploited (pedophilia, promiscuity etc), and ironically can lead to more fear. Also, having no 'order' in one's life can be very damaging and handicap someone in their adult life.
They are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I think the word for it is respect, or well-placed respect.
2007-08-12 10:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would your children have to fear you to do as you ask? If that is the only way that you can relate to children please don't' have any. My children don't fear me and they also knew that there were consequences if they disobeyed me. If you make the punishment fit the crime and you don't' punish them for stupid little things like dropping a glass or not being the best in school than you'll have a good relationship with your children and they will both love you and respect you. That's what you need for your children to obey you respect not fear. My children's friends call me Mommy as much as my children and if my children feared me their friends wouldn't feel that way about me they would fear me also. I think you have fear and respect mixed up. As long as you act as your child's parent and don't go nuts with it your child will love you and you will have a good relationship with them. I know I have three children and have taken care of more than 40 of them over the last 30 years, not counting my girl scout troops or the kids that I tutored in school I have never had any trouble with any child I've taken care of, because I've let them know who's in charge and if they don't' like it they don't have to stay there.
2007-08-11 02:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by Kathryn R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With love comes respect. So love will also give you the same result as feared, but with an added bonus and feeling of warmth
Also if they don't love you and fear turns to hate they will definitly not listen to you, but do the oposite of what you say just to get on your nerves.
2007-08-10 22:32:46 · answer #4 · answered by Mal777 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are loved by your children, then they will listen to the important things, and have respect for you so therefore its a win-win situation. If you are loved, your children would not want to disapoint you. Yet feared is a bad way to go about things because your children would maybe try to rebel.
2007-08-10 22:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by outtacontrol 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're question is saying to me that well-behaved kids fear their parents and because of that don't love them. I'M SORRY but I think one big reason KIDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL is because parents are AFRAID THAT THEIR KIDS will NOT love *them* if they are disciplined. NOT TRUE. Discipline is NOT bad. If my mother didnt discipline me I wouldnt respect her. Fear doesnt always have to be terrifying (ie abusive) but alittle bit is ok. I think this question is very ignorant and whoever gives me a thumbs down has their kids walking all over them or allows them to run around in the store screaming "I want this!" like little bastards.
2007-08-10 22:28:36 · answer #6 · answered by get dent 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Loved. That's an easy one. If your kids love you, they will listen to you, not always, but, they will care and respect you. If your children fear you, that will only lead to hate and resentment.
2007-08-10 22:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Feared - I am not here to be their little friend, I am here to guide them in this heartless world and make them into decent human beings. I don't care if I don't win the frigging popularity contest, or if they hate me sometimes, because I know that they will understand what it's all about and love me for caring enough about them to do all of what is required. that's what's wrong with parents nowadays, they want to be popular and their kid's buddy instead of the parent. As a result we have a bunch of spoiled, overindulged, rotten little creeps running around. I shudder when I think of what is going to happen when they are all adults.
2007-08-10 22:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by margie k 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Loved- your children will love you but will not always listen to you
2007-08-10 22:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by white_painted_lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A false dilemma. However, feared. Do it, or else! You will be a good citizen even if it kills us to make you one.
Suck it up. You are a second class citizen until the age of majority. Feelings are irrelevant.
2007-08-10 23:23:03 · answer #10 · answered by guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wrong...appropriate discipline when needed is a sign of love for your kids. They will love you as they grow and have kids of their own. To allow your children to run without proper up bringing is not love. You are not their friend but a parent. They can find their own friends but need their parents. You are to train them up for life.
2007-08-10 22:24:27 · answer #11 · answered by Chokolates4u 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋