Why are people so judgemental about marriage and wondering if you are married to the right person?

Question

I thought long and hard about getting married before I did it. I think I married the right man, but still wonder if I did. I myself was not 'all about' the wedding. I knew/know that what is most important is the marriage (over just that one day, the wedding). It seems too cheesy for people to just say 'You will know.' Too simplistic. Things change over the course of time and some get more difficult. Recent changes/difficulties in my household include a new baby and increased job stress. Is it so wrong to wonder if I married the right person because it doesn't feel like it at the moment?

Answer 1

You are just going through a stressful time right now. Every marriage goes through it and give it time b/c once everything settles down your feelings should go back to how they once was.

Answer 2

It isn't wrong at all to have doubts. The are human nature. The stress of your life can give you doubts about everything including yourself. Th most important thing is to keep your husband close to you right now. You married him because you love him and though he is not perfect now, he wasn't perfect then and you still said I do. This a time when you guys need each other the most. In a marriage you 2 grow together or you grow apart. It is up to you and your hubby to decide if you grow together or apart. There are people who have been married for 50 years and I guarantee that at some point in time, one couple or another asked the same question you are asking. It gets better honey I promise and if it doesn't then you have an experience that has taught you something and you have a beautiful child.

Answer 3

You don't stay the same people you were when you got married. That's a lot of time to never change. You change, and that's where the work comes in. You need to work in order to keep up with each other as you change and as the circumstances in your marriage change. Please don't lose hope; EVERYBODY goes through this. There can be stress shortly after the wedding and even without a baby. Marriage is a big change in itself, and the hard times aren't a reason to doubt who you married--it's a time to lean on them and ask their help to get you through this. Marriage isn't just, "Oh, I love you to pieces." It's an alliance. It's a partnership. If you manage it right and value it, you can draw strength from it. But if you abandon it because you doubt that you found the right person, you'll spend the rest of your life drifting in search of the "right" person--never knowing what that really means.

Answer 4

I don't think people are trying to be judgmental. I think it is more like we wonder why you question when you where suppose to be 100% positive and confident in your marriage prior to taking that step that day.

Yes, bringing children, having the bills and the arguements can really settle in to reality after the honeymoon. But to question if you married the right guy is actually a red flag that you two can have serious issues in the marriage. I recommend marriage counseling if there is any "wondering". as that means there is a valid reason to get help on, on what is making you "wonder". Some things can be abuse: verbal, mental, emotional, can be married too young and now "feeling like missed out" emotions, anger of irrisponsibility or fusturations with habits etc.

I been through a lot of stress with my husband and we been married only 6 months from him being in the military, his family, my family and to what we are going to do situations. But I am 100% confident I married the right man.

Answer 5

Of course it's not wrong to sometimes feel unsure and/or question your relationship. That's how relationships become stronger and grow! Most people, whether they'll admit it or not, have one time or another doubted or regretted their choice in life partners. Shaky times happen in EVERY relationship.

The only thing that matters is your commitment to seeing it through. Think of the old cliche of building a muscle. The muscle will not grow and become stronger unless you exercise it and subject it to resistance pressure. It's the same thing as anything else in life. Nothing grows without resistance.

Just stick through it. Think about your long-term goal: Do you feel that this marriage is worth working for? Don't get blinded by what's going on at the moment, because problems never last. Good luck!

Answer 6

Yes, it is, because you are married, and paramount of all, a child came out of that marriage and the child comes first now, not you, not daddy, not the house, job, worries.

You and anyone else who gets married kids themselves if they don't realize that marriage means sacrifice and a huge amount of hard work. It doesn't mean a free ride or someone to take care of you. So buck up missy and get with the program. Talk to your man and come to some solution to what is bothering you, even if it's not what you want. You can't let it keep festering. Your doubts will only get worse, so stop thinking that way. Good luck.

Answer 7

i think that people could try to plan babies, make plans and set goals for finances, etc.

of course, babies happen, we can't change that.

babies cause stress.. and a lot of WORK... your job has gotten more difficult too, it seems.

your issues here haven't been your husband. in fact you haven't mentioned anything about him except that you think you married the right person.

perhaps you're under the gun these days, your life has become very hectic and you are feeling too much pressure?

life is ever-changing. perhaps you could talk with your husband about your stress and pressured feelings? maybe he'd let you lean on him a bit? sometimes talking about things helps us toward a solution -- or at least relieves us a bit. maybe he has some advice?


take care.

Answer 8

You get a star and you are absolutely right. So many people sit on their high horses and think they know what is right for everyone. I have been married for almost 23 yrs. Back then, of course it seemed right and I have really tried my damndest. But things do change and sometimes people grow apart. It is not wrong to wonder that and I appreciate your honesty. You are one of the few that are honest about it. Sometimes its stress, sometimes we take each other for granted. Whatever the reasons, things do change. You are soooo right!! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 9

Be glad it is simplistic...... enjoy what you have, enjoy the new little one, and most of all do not neglect the "old" one... and make sure he doesnt neglect you ........ You both could use some time away... take an evening out, let the grandparents babysit...... a movie a week, or dinner out, or a day in the park... something simple....... makes life so much more bearable after a long and stressful work week........ try it........

Answer 10

oh my dear sweet friend,,,, wow, you know what you are describing,,,,
you ready for the answer?
you sure you want to know?
OK
here it goes

MARRIAGE

yup, that's right. there is no marriage on this earth that has not has its bad times and good times.
they tell you it takes work cause it does
Your marriage is going through one of the biggest strains and changes right now,,, a new baby...

Unless your spouse is being abusive or cheating, I would recommend trying to set aside some alone time together,,, get a sitter and go out, or stay in
what ever
but do get some alone time to remember why you married each other in the first place

Answer 11

I think your just upset with the outcome of it. You got married, now you regret it because maybe you thought having a baby would be so womderful, now your realizing it was work and hard work, if that. Your just mad because your husband isnt like you that he would be. Of course your going to be stressed after having kids. Im guessing you married out of love because you thought that was marriage was all about. you were not ready for marriage or kids, reality has set in and now your with you husband for life, For richer or poorer, for better or worse and in sickness and health, Live up to your vows, you knew who you were marrying, so why do you have to second guess it now.