I found out a few days ago that my 13 year old daughter has had sex with a 18 year old.?

Question

Well I hit the roof. She lives with her dad now as we moved to a different area. My husband rang this boys father and told the dad that they were to break up. Well they did but this boy rang me and we discussed alot of issues that I had had with him.He tells me that he loves my daughter and he was sorry that things went that far. They broke up. She of course was" not happy jan". I told him that if he still wanted to see her he would have to swear to me he wouldnt touch her below the neck.....I feel like I may have done the wrong thing but after we talked and I got to know him better...I liked him. I hate thinking of what happened. She is 13!!!!! What do you think??????

I live in Australia. I know he could be charged. My husband threatened this boys father with it. I just wonder if any one who has been the girl or the boy have gone on and stayed together??? I mean I was reading a true story of a girl 15 and a man of 20 getting together and they are now married years latter with kids. I told him she wasnt phsyically or mentally ready for such a relationship. But then there is the other side as if she was with a boy her own age. He still would be trying to have sex with her. Do you know what I mean???? And before she was with this boy her first boyfriend who was 14 and mentally abusive as in disrespecting her with other girls and he was constantly trying to get into her pants!!!!! And you cant stop it for those who are going to say " Wouldnt happen to me!" I have 5 children. She is the second youngest. The others didnt have this problem.

Answer 1

i definately wouldnt have consented to them dating. even though he claimed he wouldnt touch her, you know he will. shes 13 and hes 18. hes far too old for her. i can understand that you didnt want them to try and sneak and date and have sex. but i cant see myself consenting to this. its really against the law. he shoudnt have anything in common with her. she is way too young for him.

Answer 2

This is not the first time in the world that a 13 and an 18 year old got together... but the majority of 13 year olds are not mentally or emotionally ready for an 18 year old. Let's face it...they had sex--so it proves the 18 year old only had sex as a motive.... if he REALLY respected this 13 year old--he would not touch her. The law see it as a crime of opportunity--to take advantage of a 13 year old falls under statutes that see it as a crime to have sex with a minor---regardless of consent . It is called statutory rape---the law feels a 13 year old is NOT capable of ANY adult decisions. Why is it a 13 year old cannot drive a car?? What is the plan if a baby comes along?--a 13 year old mom?? Sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it? I mean she should be having kid fun and doing school work--not caring for a baby and wondering where the money is going to come from to pay all the bills for the next 18 years. And what is his plan if he FATHERS the baby with her?? You had a talk with him and you see nothing wrong with all this?? Why isn't he with an 18 year old group of friends??? Because he likes little kids--and when she turns 15 he will leave for another 13 year old.What does an 18 year old talk to a 13 year old about??? Barbie dolls?? He didn't tell you that part of it. The guy is a pervert--she is a kid--his weenie works and she has no idea how and what she is doing. You should advise him that any contact will result in a police notification. Guaranteed they will still meet--she is immature, and irresponsible and he is not only addicted to little girls--but he is stupid enough to keep chasing her. If I were her father, the police would be the least of his problems. You are fostering a very unhealthy atmoshere for allowing them to see each other. You can't really convince me that you think this is all OK-- You are a parent--make the rules and enforce them--you aren't a friend and none of this is cutsie pie crap with a couple of kids--this is bona fide trouble and you better do something about it !! And if this 18 year old thinks you are kidding--tell him what prison is like for convicted rapists--I think he will not be very happy with what happens to child molesters in jail. Tell him to find an 18 year old and have a nice life.

Answer 3

I'd probably react the same way.Technically the boy is guilty of statutory rape of a minor.Kids don't always realize the conseqences of their actions.Chances are your daughter was bored and wanted to find out what sex was like.Or the boy wanted to go "all the way".They probably have affection for each other,but don't have the patience for marriage.I have a 9 year old and 12 year old daughter and have stated emphaticly the conseqences of sex before marriage.She needs to be checked by an MD for STD's ASAP.Give her the works and show her some homes for unwed mothers,life without a high school diploma,and an interview with a social worker,living on minimum wage from Mcdonald's.Take her to the health department and watch the poorer families collecting WIC and Food Stamps.Maybe she'll know better next time.................... .

Answer 4

With or without parental permission, sexual relations between a 13 yar old and an 18 year old are illegal in the U.S.

If a teacher, school nurse or other person requird to report child abuse were to find out and report this to the police, the young MAN could be prosecuted without you pressing charges and the responsible parent could also be charged with neglect. Cases have gone as far as removing the minor from the custody of the parents and the adult being required to register as a sex offender and being found guilty of a sex crime.

Its a very sticky situation and I think its best for all concerned if the two have no more contact until your girl is of legal age. Her father also needs to do a better job of supervising her or return her to your custody. Its lucky she did not become pregnant or contract an STD.

EDIT:
I read your additional info and I understand that you don't want to seperate them. I have a 13 year old daughter who has tried to have relationships with older boys. Its not easy to say no, especially if you like the boy.

My friend was pregnant at 13 and a mother 3 months after her 14th birthday. She and the baby's father ended up splitting when she was 17, she had to move in with my family and she met and began dating my fathers older brother. She is now married to him and they have 4 boys that they are raising. She is a wonderful person and a close friend as well as my Aunt now. She also has an 8th grade education and is completely dependant on my Uncle for support. If he passed away or they divorced, she would be up a creek sans paddle.

Seriously consider what could happen to your daughter. She may be mentally and physically mature, but she is not capable of making permanent decisions or supporting a baby if it came to that.

They have strong feelings for one another and have already had sex. Hormones and warm affection will make it likely that they do it again.

I was going to email you some other things, but you do not allow email, so please email me if you want to chat a bit more on the subject.

Answer 5

Even tho' you "got to like him after talking to him", it doesn't change the fact that he's 18! And she's only 13....way too young for him, and way too young for ANY kind serious relationship. ( And if they've already had sex, then it's serious.) There are going to be a lot of times ahead that's she's not going to like you saying no, but hey, be the mom here. That's part of raising kids...saying no when it's necessary. She'll get over it and at some point she'll realize that you did it out of love and to protect her. My husband and I raised five boys, who all happened to be teenagers at the same time!, and it seemed like we were always in that tough position that you are now. There was always someone not happy with us, but they lived through it and so will your daughter. You and her dad need to have a long conversation so that you can both set the ground rules...do it for your daughter's sake before all this gets out of hand. And if this guy truly loves her, he'll step back and wait till she's at least 16 or 17.

Answer 6

Stop second guessing yourself. Be honest! You know better than this. Your first thoughts were correct. 13 is too young to be making this kind of a decision. And what kind of guy is he that wants a "child" instead of a young woman? He might be a very 'nice' guy, but this cannot end well.

Yes, I know there are exceptions to every rule. My parents were married at 16 & 17 - and she wasn't even pregnant. They were married for 53 years when Mom died, so there are exceptions.

However, I have NEVER seen a 13 year old girl (in today's society) who is mature enough to be making this decision. I don't care what she says ... or what HE says. And, that includes me when I was 13 and thought I knew everything. (Boy! Did I give my parents some gray hairs!)

C'mon, Mom - You're the adult here. Being a parent isn't always easy, but somebody needs to do it. Take a stand for your daughter's sake. In the long run you'll be glad you did.

I'll stand behind you!! Email me anytime.

Experienced Mom.

Answer 7

If you really care about them both, why wouldn't you do what you could to rectify the situation before leaving? Wouldn't you rather know you gave it your all? Why not all 3 of you go to family counseling? Seriously. Perhaps an unbiased 3rd party could help sort things out. Everyone can talk about how they are feeling, why they do (or don't do) what they do...and you could express your frustration and that it's gotten to the point where you are considering leaving, rather than continue to live in that environment. The counselor could help you all take steps toward making positive changes that could make the household more harmonious. It's worth a shot... EDIT: or the bootcamp that's been suggested isn't a bad idea either....but if Mom hasn't been any more willing to try to enforce any rules, not sure she'd agree to send her 'baby' away like that. Part of the reason the kid behaves as she does, is because she knows she can and there aren't any repercussions to speak of (from her parents).

Answer 8

(coming from a girl who is 15) thats awful, and if this guy went that far with her I wouldnt have much respect for him because he couldnt keep his emotions under control around your daughter. Its nice though that you still let them see each other even though they made a big mistake. I think your daughter though needs to gain some self respect and save some things for later in life. I dont know your morals but for me im saving sex until marriage....thanks to our sex education classes at my high school. I honestly think those classes are the best things in the world. Who wants to talk to their parents about sex....? The classes make you think about alot of things, and if the teacher is fun they share great stories...bad stores but they really hit home.

Answer 9

She's 13, he's 18...what more do you need to know. He should be in jail for rape. What an idiot! If you have fell for his line then you need to seek help. This is your daughter. How can you even think about feeling good about him after he had sex with your little girl. Notice I use the term, "little girl." Wake up! After this, your child needs to talk with a professional. She made an adult decision that could have screwed her life up big-time. Something had to be going on for her to make this decision. It's time for intervention meanwhile, press charges against this guy so he won't mess up another little girl.

Answer 10

I dont know where you are from but what the he-- is wrong with you. This guy id 18 she is 13 what you should be doing is going to the cops and pressing charges. There is no way this guy didnt know she was way to young to be having sex with. He does not love her, you as a mother should know that he loves how young and niave she is thats about it. Get the law involved I would.

Answer 11

I think it was the wrong move to let you daughter see and 18 man its illeagal but what do i know im only 14 yrs old and i kind of understand how she feels but keep an eye on her