I am very sad. I cant eat, or sleep or concentrate at work. I put on a happy face around my 9 year old, she is not his daughter. Its hard, will I ever get through this pain? He will be moving out tomorrow. My daughter does not want him to leave. I dont want him to leave but its final, he will be moving out tomorow, and he says that he will never come back. He is not in love with me anymore and does not want to work things out. Its really hard for me to face those facts. I need advice.
2007-08-10 14:24:40 · 31 answers · asked by DDee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I 'm sorry and my heart gos out to you,you have to let him go.If his mind and hart is not in to you and he come back he would soon hate you.Sometime we love the one that don't love back but,it not the end of the world.Put your time into other things,your daughter,friends,family.Go out with girlfriends,make new friends.Time heals and all and friends help.Don't stop living,you have a big world outside and you have to be in it.
2007-08-10 14:35:12 · answer #1 · answered by drvic3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This exact same situation is happening to a friend of mine and she is devastated. She has 2 children, ages 10 & 8 and they are suffering also. They met when they were 16 years old and they have been together for 21 years, so she is having such a hard time accepting this divorce.
Well, the biggest mistake she is making right now, is she is calling him constantly, she has appeared at his job, she was in the driveway at his new apartment when he arrived home and all she is doing is begging him to come back home.
I have spoken to him many times and he cannot believe that this is the way she is handling this. He told me that "she is turning me off more than I was when I left and if she just acted with alot more class and stability he may have wanted to call her or see her, but after the way she is handling this, I am so happy that I left her and she could never get me back". She is making him sick.
Whatever you do, don't let that man know how you are doing or feeling. Run to every family member or friend for any help if you need it. Just keep yourself a secret, because that is when he might just realize that he did make a major mistake.
No matter what, you have to move on. I cannot imagine how difficult that might be, but the real man in your life hasn't arrived yet. When he does, you will laugh at this time in your life. Stay strong, good luck and God Bless.
2007-08-10 21:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear that your relationship has ended like this, however breaking up is always hard, especially if you have a family and it hits you off guard. You may feel the need to be strong around your daughter to protect her, but speaking to family and friends about it will definitely help. If he is sure that he wants to leave you have to let him. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you? Try to stay strong, and it will get better. Time heals all things, and thats just what you need. Surround yourself with the people who care about you, and have time to grieve by yourself as well. It clearly wasn't meant to be, and it seems you did all you could. Don't blame yourself, because in the end the only thing you can and should ever do is be yourself and give what you can. For some people its not enough. Don't worry, it will get better.
2007-08-10 21:31:50 · answer #3 · answered by intricatelydesigned 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just talked to my mom about this. She was completely devastated when my dad left her. Her children were grown and she felt like her life was over. They had been married 27 years. Looking back now, she said she doesn't know why she felt that way because she is much happier now than she was with him and being in an unhappy marriage. She loved him, but ultimately they were not happy together because he just could not be to her what she needed and he cheated on her all the time. I feel your pain because this time a year ago my husband was telling me he didn't feel like he'd loved me for a year. But he wanted me to be patient and try to work it out. Then I found out he'd had 2 affairs. Something clicked with him and he suddenly realized what he'd be losing. 2 kids, a wife of 19 years. We are still here, still working on it. But it's never the same. I know that you are in an enormous amount of pain right now. Try to think about your daughter. She is watching and learning from you. I know you try to put on a happy face, but once he's gone you won't be able to just look happy all of the time. It will be important for you and your daughter to grieve together some. I pray for you. Hopefully this is opening the door to a better life for you.
2007-08-10 21:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by buggin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, this is what you need to do...COP AN ATTITUDE!
Really, lol...
Hog the bed the night he leaves. I mean, really spread out and take up the whole thing with eight pillows, something you could never do before. And I do love the idea of the slumber party with you and your daughter...that was a great idea!
Then eat dinner and don't do the dishes. Order in, or just leave a mess if he was a neat freak. If he was a drinker, break every bottle of liquor in the house. If he was a tv control freak, watch tv and change the channel as much as you like! If he had bad taste in music, go blare the stereo with the music only you liked and he didn't! Leave makeup and hairspray all over the sink area in the bathroom! Throw out his favorite sheets, you never liked them anyway! Re-arrange some furniture to your liking, you dont' have to ask his opinion no more!
Assert the positives of him leaving, there are some...there are always positives of being in control of your own tv remote!
If he hated some outfit of yours, wear it! If he only liked you in makeup, don't wear any for weeks! Cook the meals that your daughter loves, and forget cooking anything he wanted! Cook with your daughter...a 9 year old can be so much fun...you should spend many many hours with her, she is going to love having her mom all to herself.
The two of you should go clothes shopping, get your hair done, do something crazy together like wash out hair dye and high heels with leopard dresses. Have fun with her! She's more important, ta hell with him...and that's my main message, TO HELL WITH HIM!
2007-08-10 22:16:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, there! Look at all the people who responded to your message! It just goes to show you that people understand what you are going through and want to say something to help you.
If I were you, I would lean on my friends. Keep as busy as you can and make plans every day so that your calendar is completely full and you have something to look forward to every single day.
Eventually it will get easier. Within a few months, you will be over the worst part.
Go fill your calendar! And know that someday you WILL find someone who is better for you, no matter how impossible that may seem now!
2007-08-10 22:22:29 · answer #6 · answered by KC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is take each day as it comes. As hard as it seems right now. You can't change someones heart. You will have to be strong for your self and your daughter. I wish you luck. You will survive. You will move on and eventually the pain will be gone.
Just take it one day at a time.
2007-08-10 22:08:52 · answer #7 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your pain because you have a child involved in this also its hard. He saids that he's not in love with you anymore and doesn't want to work things out is this the only problem with your marriage or has something happen to change his feelings for you. know one in there right mind would end a marriage and leave his wife and kid without good reason. Try not to stress yourself out to much you have a child who needs you and pray that god will heal your broken heart. It would make you happy and your child happy but your life would be misserable I couldnt be with soemeone who didnt love me any more.
2007-08-10 21:34:48 · answer #8 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, things will get better even though you can't possibly think it's possible right now. I have been in your shoes. My husband left me for someone else. Said he didn't love me anymore and that was it. It was hard for me to accept but eventually I realized I had to let go and let God. I deepened my relationship with God going through it. I attended church and involved myself there. Obtained counseling through the church and went to a divorce care program. I moved on and did a lot of serious praying. After 9 months of being apart and 2 of those months divorced he came back to me and we remarried. I could not have done this though if I hadn't felt God had not been a part of it. We have been remarried now for 4 years. I am not promising that your husband will come back to you, but God does have a plan for you if you will let him guide you through this. Find a good Church with loving caring people to help you get through this. I know what you are going through. I couldn't eat either and became seriously thin. It's part of the grieving process. God got me through it and he can help you too.....
2007-08-10 21:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be lying if I said everything will be just fine and you will get over it soon. It takes time, and eventually it will get better, but it will take time, first you have to get over the hurt, the betrayal then the anger. A divorce is like a death, it has many stages and it effects everyone differently. Focus on your daughter, your health, your family, your friends and your job and everything will come together, you will see. Good Luck
2007-08-10 21:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by majesticwife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋