I have to have an abortion..How do I deal with this?

Question

My unborn baby has been diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney disease and I have been told by 2 seperate doctors that this baby will no live and the best bet would be for me to abort it. I have dealt with this before..Feb.2005 with another baby. My son had the same disease and died in my arms after 1 hr 50 minutes. That was the worst and best moments of my life, but do not feel that I could handle that again. I am already feeling anxiety about this procedure which is scheduled for Thurs 16th. What should I do to cope with my grief and emotional instability? I feel that this is the only way for me, so, please do not judge me..Please. I am a very active Pro-life person.....But i do not want to give birth to my baby and watch it suffer, as my other child did.

I already have two beautiful little boys. A 4 year old and a 10 month old.

You know...to G I ..... your response greatly disturbs me. What is it any of your buisness as to how close I have my children. The doctors told me before I got pregnant, that this is a very random disease, and it would not happen again.. Well, you know..their not perfect. My husband and I had agreed to have another child, therefore, we got pregnant. I am asking for opinions on how to deal with my situation, not be "dogged" on about how my children are too close..

Answer 1

I too had a baby die at birth and I don't think that I could emotionally go through that again. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I, like you, am a pro-life supporter but there is a drastic difference from aborting because of medical reasons and doing it because you did not want to have a baby. Keep your head high, you have nothing to be ashamed of. As far as dealing with the emotions, just try to remember you did it so your child would not suffer. I applaud your courage. Good luck

Answer 2

You don't HAVE to have an abortion, but you have been advised to do so by two doctors. You know that your child will die very soon after it is born if you choose not to abort it so either way you are going to have to deal with the loss. You seemed to indicate that your last child suffered while alive. If you have this one, can the doctors make it so the baby wont suffer? If there is any way, maybe you could make a different choice.
In either case, I would definitely seek grief counseling before Thursday. It is terrible to loose a child and now you have to loose a second one. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Have you discussed the severity of the PKD with your provider? I know of the different severities of PKD... I'm sure you have but just had to ask.

I am not here to judge you by any means and I have had a loss of my own so I know first hand just how hard it is but even with your first loss you had 1 hr and 50 minutes with that little blessing. You heard the cries and the coos, you felt the the little fingers and toes. You were blessed with those very few minutes even with how hard it was.

I also have a friend who terminated her pregnancy at 5 months because her sons organs grew outside his body. So, I understand how hard it is not only having the loss of the child but also hearing what others might say.

This is your life, your child and your decision. The only thing I can say is to seek a grief counselor. Speak to them before your procedure so they can help you during this hard time.

Answer 4

Dear Heather,
This must be heartbreaking for you - especially since you have been through this before. I hope you come to a decision you can feel sure about - as difficult as it must be.

There are children who have been born with PKD and began dialysis right away, then go on to get a kidney transplant after they grow big enough, about 10 to 12 months of age. Has the doctor ruled this option out?

Here's a place where there are other dialysis patients, families and caregivers who could give you some suggestions and support - they will understand what you are going through - come to the forum at http://www.ihatedialysis.com - it's a online community and you may find some answers there.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this before. I understand how tough it is as I was at my best friend's side when she delivered her beautiful identical twin boys dead. I know I haven't personally gone through the situation besides with my friend, but watching her and being with her when she delivered her babies broke my heart.... not to mention having to see babies that aren't alive. It definitely changes your life.
I'm still my friend's shoulder to cry on since she has been trying to get pregnant since the loss of her babies in May. As you know having gone through this before nothing is going to help you cope... only time is going to heal your pain. The hospital should have some suggestions about support groups that might be helpful for you and getting you through this tough time. My friend has chose not to go to any support group since she thought she would be able to get pregnant again right away (the first time she was on birth control) and that was kind of her way of dealing with things, but now she tells me that she wishes she would have gone because she isn't able to handle it anymore. She cries all the time. So, I would highly suggest a support group of people that have gone through the same thing you have, or see some kind of therapist.
Good luck... and I'm really sorry for your losses.

Answer 6

I am really sorry for you to start with.
I had a termination around 11 years ago and it took a long time for me to deal with it - about 5 years.
I don't know if you are spiritual person or religeous or anything like that but my Mum is catholic so you can imagine how hard it was on all of us.
One day she pulled me aside and told me about a book she was reading that gave her this:
It said that the souls of unborn babies choose their parents and know what their outcome will be. She told me that my baby chose me because it's soul was not ready to be born and it knew that I was going to choose what I did.
I don't know if that helps or not but remember whatever you feel is ok and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Talk about it don't bottle it and believe that you have done the best thing for your child.

Answer 7

I have to honestly say that I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have to honestly say do what you feel is necessary.
If it were me though, I would continue with the pregnancy. I had a stillborn son, so I understand your pain of losing a child. Its the best and worst day of my life. I would of given anything to have him move, cry, and just breath one breath. I couldn't imagine not carrying him.
Although, I find myself pregnant again and I don't know what I do if I lost this child too. So I understand your dilemma. But do what you feel is necessary. As long as you have the support of your partner and family you will make the decision that is best. Don't allow the Dr's to force your decision.
I am sorry that I am unable to help you more. Just know that whatever decision you do make, make sure its you and your partners decision, not your Dr's. Good Luck sweetie, you and your little one are in my prayers.

Answer 8

My heart breaks for you, i know what your going through as i went through the same thing last year i was told by four different doctors that my daughter would only survive weeks ( if we where lucky) out side the womb.
So at five months pregnant my labor was induced and after 32 hours my daughter was born but she had already left us. To lose a child it almost destroyed me but to lose two like you have i can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.
I found it helped to talk to someone ( a counselor) and also to talk to my husband.
Try to stay calm ( i know easer said the done) and remind your self that your doing the right thing no one wants to watch there child suffer and if you ever need to talk to anyone then please e-mail me or I.M me on:
[e-mail].

Answer 9

Now everyone can cure infertility using this natural remedy http://pregnancyhelps.info
infertility can run in the family and one of the first things the doctor asks you when you go to a fertility clinic is your family history regarding cases of infertility or other reproductive issues.
If infertility is caused by genetic disorder then it's not unusual that one of the kids (your mom) doesn't have it and another does (your aunt).
two months of trying is still to early to be concerned about the fact that you might be infertile and it's also quite early to go to a fertility specialist. Go to a regular Obgyb to get a closer insight and see what ways there are are to improve your fertility rate.
Also remove alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes from your life because they might influence your chances too. Stress is also a risk factor when it comes to infertility.

Answer 10

aw im sorry about this. But if that's the best choice then i guess u gotta do what u gotta do. I wouldn't wanna see my child suffer also. So thats understandable that u are gonna get an abortion. But I honestly don't know what kinda advice to give you. But I'm sure somewhere down the road you will be bless with another strong and healthy baby! best of luck