My introduction sucks. any advice?

Question

After the industrial revolution and specifically with the beginning of electronic culture, media lost a great deal of epistemology and culture became produced massively. This was the beginning of modernity. Today, we live in a post-modernity world where advertising is omnipresent and where we are surrounded with millions of images and symbols that are trying to convey us messages, values, norms, and ideologies.

how's that?
After the industrial revolution, the rise of electronic culture initiated the decline of media epistemology, whereby culture became mass-produced. This signaled the beginning of modernity. In today's post-modernity world, advertising is omnipresent. Its omnipresence undermines free organic thought with its synthetic, highly calculated messages that dictates values, norms, and ideologies. Advertising is therefore a form of totalitarianism and brainwashing. It’s affecting society and culture and is manipulating people’s behaviors and beliefs.

Answer 1

Get into a new line of work.

Answer 2

not so much the info sucks, it's the way it's organized and your sentence structure...

After the industrial revolution, the rise of electronic culture initiated the decline of media epistemology, whereby culture became mass-produced. this signaled the beginning of modernity. in today's post-modernity world, advertising is omnipresent. we are surrounded by millions of images and symbols that attempt to communicate messages, values, norms and ideologies.

Answer 3

The question which your introduction doesn't address is 'what is piece about?'

I know it's about modernity. But, as some of my best profs put it, 'so what?' Am I about to read a summary of modernity, or is there a point to be made?

Try to figure out a compelling argumentative point and incorporate it into the first sentence of the essay. In other words, why would a reader want to continue?

Again, I don't know what the essay is about, but if you said:

"Advertising is a threat to democracy; it's omnipresence undermines free organic thought with it's synthetic, highly calculated messages, values, norms, and ideologies."

a reader might say "what is that person talking about? How can she think this way?" and continue reading.

Readers want to read bold new ideas and opinions, not summaries. Your current intro sounds like an intro to a summary.

Answer 4

The same advances in technology, which brought about the close of the industrial revolution, also helped create a society where culture became mass-produced. This modern age has come to be defined by ominpresent advertising and a virtually endless bombardment of images and symbols which are intended to influence us on both conscious and sub-conscious levels. As a result, our personal values, societal norms, and ideology are constantly being manipulated subtly, or attacked outright.