Am i wrong to feel this way? been married for 17 years..we live in the midwest with our 2 children ages 16 and

Question

11. my husband has always expressed the desire to travel and has always wanted to go to Alaska. he has had his own business for 17 years but done other things also as he gets bored with jobs easy and then does something else for a while only to realize how good he actually has it with his own business. he has been saying for years now that he cant wait for the kids to get grown up so we can travel. actually he has been counting down the years...so anyway a couple days ago, he informed me that he was gonna apply to the Alaska State Trooper Academy..He just expects us to up and move. our daughter will just be getting ready to go into her sr. year of highschool at the time we would be going and im not gonna uproot her so i tell him that i guess if he wants to do that to go ahead cause im tired of hearing about this all the time...but me and the kids wouldn't be going and he informed me that our 11 year old son would because he wants to and our son agreed. i think he is being selfish,help

Answer 1

Yes he is being selfish and I do completely see your side of it. Try to explain to him exactly how you feel and ask him if his daughters feelings matter too? Because I know that I would have been heartbroken to up and move to alaska for my sr year in high school. good luck lady.......

Answer 2

I think it seems like he is having a mid life crisis. I say let him go as long as you can afford it, but I definitely would not move with him. He sounds fickle what happens if he gets there and decides to do something else? Your daughter would never forgive you at this age. My parents father & stepmother moved during the middle of my junior year(they wanted to move before their two kids were in high school. I ended up getting emancipated and moving out so I could finish school with the kids I had grown up with.
Do you think he will really leave with out you? My husbend says things like I think I would be happier if I were a fire fighter or police man or a history teacher. He makes 200k/year so I really don't think he would like the pay cut. He is also very scatter brained and messy and moves at his own pace. He is at the top of his game as far as what he does which boggles me, I guess it is because he is good at getting other people to do things for him. I guess that is part of being a good manager. We have been together almost ten years and he can do whatever he wants, but I don't think he would go without us. Tell him to ask you in 7 years when both kids are grown at this point. Sounds like he is looking for adventure ALASKA???? I'm from IL so I understand that any place sounds like an adventure, but Alaska? I think your entitled to not want to move at this point. Men seem to think we should always be happy just going along for the ride.

Answer 3

He will likely not be accepted and even if he is, he may get bored with the whole idea.

If he were to be accepted to a job of any kind in Alaska, why not let him and the boy go ahead and set up housekeeping while you stay and wait for your girl to finish school? It would mean a long distance marriage and seperation from your son, but it would only be temporary.

You could also take your daughter and go with him. I know its going to be her senior year, but she will get over it. A lot of teens have to be uprooted for the sake of a job and to keep their families together. Besides, she could find Alaska to be to her liking and an adventure after she gets there.

Answer 4

That's a tough one! I agree with you though, it's hard for a young girl going into her senior year to adjust to a new school and friends and it really sounds ridiculous that your husband is willing to put her through that. My husband is alot like yours, always jumping from job to job because they get bored, it's hard on the family, even though your son sounds like he doesn't mind, he is young and of course they agree with dad all the time, it's bond between father and son I am sure.
I think your husband is being selfish. I don't have an answer for you though, it sounds like there needs to be some compromise between the two of you, or he needs to make a decision, do I stay or do I go. I would stick to your guns for your daughters sake and your son for that matter. There comes a time when we just have to sacrifice the things we want and do the things we need to do for the sake of our loved ones.

Answer 5

My mom uprooted me my senior year. I had been going to school with these kids, some since preschool.
It was horrible. Let's see, uproot her her senior year and then move to an extremely isolated place. She'll love that.
It's one thing to make such a change if you are unemployed, desperate for a job and this is what you have found. But to do it because he seems to be following a dream of his.....he's being selfish. He should wait. When you have kids you have to put their needs first.

Answer 6

What he cant wait 1 freaking year? He has already waited 17. I think he is going through a mid life crisis. Tell him to go out and buy a Corvette or something. He has a family, he is not single, if he wants to travel without concern for his others then perhaps he should go back to being single. (that way you could have nice monthly payments and have hot little play thing on the side, and remain in the Midwest while you children finish school.)

Answer 7

It is a major change and it is extremely selfish and downright wrong of him to just make a decision like this without discussing it with you first. Still, moving to Alaska isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe you could talk to him about postponing the move until your daughter graduates?

Answer 8

why dont u try asking him to wait until next year to move when your daughers senior year is completed...i know it can be hard but there has to be a comprimise somewhere . I can see your side and it was very selfish for him to go behind your back and especially involve your son in the argument. But please dont split up over a move...talk it out and stay together even if it does require a move...if he's been telling you for years then maybe its his midlife crisis or something ?

Answer 9

I don't think your husband knows what he is getting himself into....midwest and Alaska are two completely different enviroments...you having such a strong opinion of it yourself I would just suggest let him...he will come running back before he finishes State Trooper training.

Answer 10

I think that your daughter would be able to ajust but take it from me she won't be happy I move all over and she only has one year left then she goes to college. mabe you could stay there with her untill she get out of school then go to alaska with your men.