He had such a bad experience that he will not commit legally-ever. Not sure if I'm overreacting by getting my feelings hurt.
2007-08-10 11:20:26 · 24 answers · asked by Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will not entertain doing a Prenup but will havesome sort of ceremony not legally binding
2007-08-10 11:26:14 · update #1
Honey, my feelings would be hurt as well. I wouldn't know what to think about that, bad experience or not if he loved you and wanted to be with you, forever, then he would want to commit his life to you!!!
2007-08-10 11:35:40 · answer #1 · answered by P!NK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To start, I wouldn't fall in love with someone who was so broken and has so much baggage that he's so repulsed by marriage.
You aren't overreacting. Marriage is a big f-ing part of people's lives and if its something you want in your future and you love this man... and you want him in your future.. this is a problem.
You should keep in mind two things...
First, that guys will say they aren't going to get married ever, until... they've found the right girl, then they do. Some people say they don't want to have kids ever... until they're ready and then they do. Maybe someday he'll be ready then he'll want to. But that someday may never come and you don't want to give up your dream and life goals, do you?
Secondly, that guys usually tell us women exactly what they want and exactly how they feel and we ignore it because we don't want to hear it. He's telling you, point-blank, that he WILL NOT COMMIT LEGALLY-EVER. That is how he feels. It may change at some point. But at this moment in time, that is truly how he feels. And he sounds damn adament about it.
You shouldn't be hurt as though its an insult against YOU, it sounds like he has issues.
And lastly, you have to make a decision about him, vs. you getting married... and if you want to be married in the future and you are sure... then tell him how much it means to you and if the possibility of that is out, then its time to walk away.
2007-08-10 11:28:47 · answer #2 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you women stop your crying and telling this girl to dump him, all of you are being blinded by this fairy tale that is suppose to be marriage. The truth is he was probably burned by his ex but not just emotionally but also financially, lets face facts marriage and divorce are made to benefit woman. Why would you want to change things if everything is going good because your friends and family keep whispering in your ear and make you feel like a loser if you aren't married, those are probably the same people who are as happy as they make it out to be so they want you to join their club.
I commend your man for sticking with what he believes in and not giving in to what you want, honestly what would getting married change between both of you, nothing. Get a divorce though and who just hit the lotto not him it's always the woman who get everything and then some. He could catch you getting it on with his best friend and you would still get everything in a divorce, so don't be mad at him for feeling that way blame all those gold digging woman and the divorce system for having him feel that way.
2007-08-10 12:21:31 · answer #3 · answered by ADR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How important is marriage to you? If you don't mind living with him until Doomsday, then don't sweat it. If you want to eventually marry, then I think you will have to move on.
I dated and was very close to a friend of my parents. He wanted me to move in with him and be his mate, but not to marry. I ended the relationship, but since he is a friend of the family I still hear of and occasionally see him. He met and lived with lovely woman for a long time...nearly a decade. They had a couple kids and married a few years ago.
I don't know if it was something in him that changed, if I was just the wrong girl or if she put him under pressure, but I do know that their marriage has a lot of issues including infidelity on his part.
If the man doesn't want to marry, you would do well to not force the issue and decide if being unmarried is something you can live with.
2007-08-10 11:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sign a prenup, or find a new man. I think it is a bunch of you know what when a guy says he doesn't want to marry. all guys in their right mind want to get married. it seems to me that he is just waiting for someone else to come along. your good for now, but if that special someone comes along your out the door. this same situation happened to my cousin, she had been with the guy for 6 years (he was like 6 years older) and he always had some excuse why he didn't want to get married. guess what... he found someone new and is now engaged! he is just too immature to give up what he has now before finding something new.
2007-08-10 11:27:40 · answer #5 · answered by girlygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's such a let down!! I've been in your shoes before..and it's so hard because you love this man, but you know he can't give you the fulfillment that you seek in your life! So no, your not overreacting...it's only normal for your feelings to be hurt. Good luck with that one.
2007-08-10 11:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by sweet_truth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with a guy for 4 years that said the same thing. His parents went through a terrible divorce, and he never wanted to put himself in a position where it could happen to him. I really loved him, and thought I could eventually change his mind. He reminded me often that he never wanted to get married or have kids. Finally I realized he wasn't going to change his mind, so I broke up with him - and moved on. I married someone else and had 2 children. That was 25 years ago, and he never did get married or have children.
It was important to me, and I saw no other solution. I wish you patience and good luck.
2007-08-10 11:32:28 · answer #7 · answered by Maggie Mae 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would feel fine with it. I don't really want to get married either because growing up, I didn't see a stable marriage and I am paranoid that I will have the same thing happen to me if I do get married. But I see why you feel hurt.
2007-08-10 12:18:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he might not be that into you...I know plenty of people who got divorced and remarried once they found the right person, I'm sorry but he might not be that in love with. If marriage is important to you then leave this guy and find someone who wants to get married to you.
2007-08-10 12:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I 'd decide if love and marriage have to go together for me to be happy. If 'yes', than leave him because you already know he won't get married. If 'no', then love him, work on building a great relationship, and forget about the wedding dress.
2007-08-10 11:29:39 · answer #10 · answered by lemoncake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋