what do you think of this poem?

Question

grab a hold of my hand,
as i pull you in the darkness realm,
and you start to see the darkness take over your soul.

it makes you blind,
to all that you used to be able to see,
and your going to judged on all that you have done.

ill walk with you to face your punishment,
don't say a word cause you know that it was all your fault,
and don't try to to walk away cause you would not have anywhere to go.

why did you decide to party that night,
to kill all of those inocent people,
arent you ashame of yourself.

did he kill you no,
he died on that cross for you,
but then you killed yourself and made them the way they felt.

dont say its wronge,
cause he has all the reason to do this,
what part of his blood did you miss.

now talk to him before your done,
you will stay here for all eturnity,
because you killed yourself after you killed them.

Answer 1

okay, first, it would be better to say "grab hold of my hand"...to grab "a" hold is to grab something to hold, but when you want someone to grab something, you say "grab hold" or "get a hold". You could, however, say "grab a hold on my hand"...just grammar.

Next, "the darkness realm"...if this is the name of a realm, it should be capitalized...otherwise, you should say "darkened realm" or "realm of darkness"...that's because both darkness and realm are nouns...so you can't put them together like that...again...grammar.

Then you use the word "darkness" again...find another word..."ebon nothingness" "inky black"...something...but not darkness...not again.

Line breaks in second stanza (with spelling correction)...

it makes you blind to all
that you used to be able to see,
and you're going to judged
on all that you have done.

"because" not "cause" in 3rd stanza second line, same in next line..."cause" means to make something happen. If you're going to use an abreviated form of "because", then you need to add an apostrophe: 'cause

"don't" not "dont", "it's" not "its", "wrong" not "wronge", another case of "cause", "you're", not "your", "eternity" not "eturnity".

the poem itself doesn't speak to me...but the corrections will at least make it grammatically and contextually correct.

keep writing

Answer 2

wow, this poem definitely deliver a strong message out there..still it is quite a scary poem for me.