a friend of mine was suspecting her hubby was cheating in the work with a co worker (of course). she takes the kids along (aged 4 and 8) and stalks him and confronts him as him and the alleged mistress are entering his car. I say to her 'that's bad for the kids, they shouldn't be exposed to that scene' and she yells at me that 'I am an idiot who doesn't understand life and how things work and that I live in my own world'. I suppose this is her opinion on me and frankly I don't care. But what do you think? Is that the right way to claim your territory and show up with the kids? would you do it? I wouldn't like to be the kid in that situation.
2007-08-10 09:29:49 · 35 answers · asked by sarah kay 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you are going to make a very good mother someday (assuming you are not a mother already). Your position is sensible and caring. Infidelity is a matter for adults only.
2007-08-10 09:34:55 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
That is absolutely the wrong thing to do. The kids are way to young to be brought into the middle of that. If they should end up splitting, the kids will see more than they need to of that and a possible divorce. If she wanted to confront him, that is fine, but she should have done it without the kids.
2007-08-10 09:36:02 · answer #2 · answered by Starting Over 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While you wouldn't like to be the kid... as a friend of someone who's going through alot of emotional stress right now, that wasn't what you should've said. Imagine yourself in her situation right now, your husband is cheating on you. You would be distraut too. And the LAST thing you want to hear is the people who are supposed to support you, your friends, rag on you. Yes it was a bad decision to bring the kids. In her mind at the time, she was probably thinking it would guilt him, OR she didn't know where the hell to put the kids while she stalked him. Point is, you owe her an apology for being an inconsiderate friend. Sure you are allowed an opinion. But at that time, SHE needed your support. Her husband was already making her feel bad, now you made her feel bad as well. You know, moms are humans too, and we all make mistakes, we all get in our moments where we are frantic and desperate and scared. You DON'T understand. That is the truth... and you may never and its not really an insult on you... you don't want to understand that situation. But as her friend, you should try to empathize.
As far as what I would do? No.. I wouldn't have brought the kids along for that one. If I have to dump them at my mom's or whatever, fine... but I wouldn't want my kids to see that confrontation.
But whats done is done. So you need to realize that in regards to the FRIENDSHIP ITSELF (you aren't the parent, you have no say there) if you want to stay friends with her, you need to apologize and say you were insensitive (which you were) while you still believe your opinion on that situation, you know that at that time you should've been supportive.
Thats it.
If you don't care about the friendship and just want to be "right" then fine, go on your "my friend's a sh*t mom crusade" but... it won't do anyone any good.
2007-08-10 09:58:26 · answer #3 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, you're right. She shouldn't expose her kids to that kind of stuff. I remember when I could hear my parents fighting in their bedroom when I was little. It makes me so upset, and I'm fifteen. This stuff happened when I was, like, two. And that wasn't even half as bad as what your friend is exposing to her kids. If she's gonna do that, she should at least go by herself, or take someone, like a friend, with her.
2007-08-10 09:41:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've gotten plenty of good answers already, so i wont go into that dimension, but let me share something from past experience. I was 8 when I went to visit my father over spring break while he worked out of town. I stayed in his GF's apartment and they'd make out right in front of me. From my perspective, he didnt give a sh** that his son was watching or that he was married. So, yes, everyone is correct here. They don't need to see that, and that mother was wrong if she thought that him seeing the children at work would bring him to his senses.
2007-08-10 10:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by BradNahler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she should not have had the kids with her for that confrontation.
That exhibition of extremely bad judgment may lend some insight to his infidelity.
It is true. You probably do not understand her world. That would be a good thing though. It seems her world is colored by anger and spite with no true regard for her family and especially her children.
2007-08-10 10:11:38 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's the one that lives in her own world with no idea how life works. She did irreparable harm to her own kids in an attempt to claim what was "hers." That is mental abuse as far as I'm concerned. No child should have to be put through that. She just proved she loves herself more than her kids. She's a selfish *****. I feel sorry for her kids.
2007-08-10 09:44:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has succeeded in traumatizing and completely confusing her two children.Involving children in this situation is irresponsible and completely unacceptable.I cannot possibly understand what good could come of exposing children to this nonsense.If your friend keeps on treating her children like this report her to child welfare.There may be more serious problems here.
2007-08-10 09:48:59 · answer #8 · answered by Julius C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably not the best idea, yet all is fair in love and war.
Also, if a fuming wife with small kids in tow, I tell you, that will scare any mistress away. Sometimes you have to do all you can in order to keep your family together. Of course, if her husband is a dog, he will cheat again regardless.
2007-08-10 09:58:03 · answer #9 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not the best thing to do. She was emotional and not thinking straight. This may have been something where she just cracked and decided it must be done right that moment and she did not have anyone to watch the kids.
2007-08-10 09:46:38 · answer #10 · answered by RSJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That woman is a nut case. Any attempt to attack the husband by using the children is bound to boomerang onto the woman. The children will hate her for wanting them to hate their father. Not good at all.
One can perhaps see why, at this point, the guy was looking for something else.
2007-08-10 09:41:22 · answer #11 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋