answer only if u think porn can create issues in a relationship ..?

Question

i want to know if u are in a relationship where both of u are not ok with each other looking at porn but i catch him looking at it behind my back and myspace page that he had opened w/o me knowing and some email ids that he hides. even though i did not find anything on emails or myspace, its not approved.how do u GET OVER THE FACT THAT ur man wants to look at naked puss;y and gets his jerk on.what if u just cant get it out of ur head what would u do then? he said he didn't like it he was just looking and didn't like it. I DIDN'T BELIEVE Him OF COURSE. BUT COUPLE OF DAYS AGO while i am rite next to him he gets an erection after watchin tv with some naked women i mean he shuld be uncomfortable rite not getting erections? wat a *****. i don';t know how to deal with this. its disrespectful for me. i know there's plenty of guys who don't do this and get an erection. so its not that he is a man/ what are ur point of views please try to make me get over it.
thanks

Answer 1

Only asking those that have problem with porn? Not everyone? I think you already have your answer unless you are willing to open the mind a little.

Answer 2

Wow, what a bunch of confused issues. Do you have an issue with

A) Porn
B) Erections
C) Dishonesty
D) All the above

What I see from your question is you have issues with sex in general. If he is doing stuff behind your back, especially the hiden email addresses and myspace crap, the porn is a side issue and you should dump his lying cheating azz. As for watching TV and getting an erection, you need to understand that sometimes these things are not controllable. You should have paid attention to what it was that turned him on and then done some of that yourself. Learn from his reactions. I see no problem other than he seems to be a liar.

Answer 3

Well Monica, men are physical creatures, driven by what they see. Where women are far more emotionally driven than guys are. If he is sitting there and seeing naked women and getting aroused, it is very natural. Almost any sexually healthy man will get aroused watching tv with naked women. As far as looking at porn, that is a choice and an area the requires great discipline to not do that.

I do not look at porn and I avoid situations where another woman, on tv, in person or what ever will turn me on. It takes effort and it is not always easy because it is all around us, but you have to make that effort if that is what you want and believe.

Answer 4

Well, I can't make you get over this or do anything really. I guess I would like to know why you have such a problem with porn? Is porn taking the place of you in this relationship? If no, then I don't see the problem. Porn is a problem once one partner starts using it as a replacement for the other in some way. Is that the case here?

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I almost divorced over this issue. When we got married I would get on our computer and I would find porn sites that he had visited. I noticed that he was doing this almost every day. We started fighting about it. I tried watching it with him but it was something that he wanted to do by hisself. He was sneaky and lied about it all the time. He said it was a man thing and I needed to get over it. I couldn't get over it because he was barely having sex with me and sometimes he couldn't even get off during sex. I talked to a professional about it and she said that some men get so used to doing it that way (watching porn) that it becomes the only way he can satisfy himself. I even woke up in the middle of the night and he would be in the other room taking care of himself. I was like, hello I am right here? I felt like he was choosing the porn over me. My problem wasn't so much with the porn, but with the way it affected our sex life and our marriage. We continued to fight about this until enough was enough. I realized he is never going to stop. I can't change him. So I made a compromise. I asked him not to look at it while I am there. I made sure that he wasn't going into chat rooms or taking to other women online. He swore it was just regular porn. I had to just let it go. Which is easier said than done. Somedays I am okay with it then there are days that I can't stop thinking about it. It has definately caused issues. We don't fight about it anymore because I don't say anything about it. Our marriage is better but our sex life still isn't what it used to be. People say it's our issues, but I don't believe that. Porn is okay if it doesn't affect your marriage or your sex life. When it creates issues, or becomes an addiction then it becomes a problem. I wish I could help, all I can say is you are not alone.

Answer 6

You have every right to be upset and hurt, because he has already broken his voow (especially the one that states "to forsake all others until death do yo part) Not only that. He does not see that he has and still is hurting you.

So to answer your question, Yes it can and eventually will destroy your relationship if the two of you do not try to correct the problem.

I don't buy all that bull about men being visual, I am speaking from experience, I caught my hubby looking at porn, and I let him know exactly how I felt, gave him the silent treatment for three days, then we had a MAJOR argument, and when he finally listened with his heart, Not just his ears, he got rid of it all, because he realized that he was hurting me, the very woman he vowed to love honor RESPECT, and cherish. If you need a sounding board, I am here .

Answer 7

I kind of have both views, so let me help a bit.

I think that you should not do things that are not OK with your spouse.

If he has religious convictions, then he needs to deal with that himself.

I would bet any money that he is OK with Porn and is just agreeing with you.

I can certainly understand your desire for him to not look at porn, but I do think your emotional reaction is way out of proportion. I don't think you should react to this any more than he should react to you saying no to sex. There is a commitment being broken, that's all.

If you really want a life/spouse without porn, the best thing to do is keep your cool. You can't get a guy to change his actions with emotion... thats like trying to start a car with a banana... they are two different things. Guys don't process emotions like women. It will just get in the way of him being able to see your viewpoint and respect you.

If he is looking at porn, he most likely is not getting enough sex. This does not excuse his behavior. A guy between the ages of 15 and 30 wants it once a day and it can be a HUGE tripping point to have to wait over 3 days. It actually gets irritating for a guy to have that much desire and nothing to do with it.

Here are two things you can do to draw a positive reaction out of him.

1. Be more visual sexually. Be his porn, so to speak. Let him see you naked and doing things sexually. Guys are visual and there is no substitute. If you don't even try to meet this need, he will always be tempted to look elsewhere. You don't have to be sick or twisted, but have some fun and let him see it.

2. Have more sex. If his sex drive is high, there is nothing you can do to make it drop. He will always be tempted unless he sees you as HIS ONLY SOURCE for sexual pleasure, but he won't unless it's enough to meet the need. He didn't wake up one day and say... "hmmm, I think I will have a high sex drive"... it is what it is and you need to love all of him, not just he convenient parts.


If a woman wants to keep a mans sexual attention she has to at least work hard toward meeting his needs, not mandating that his needs be as low as hers. It just doesn't work that way... although women try and then ask "why wasn't I enough?"

The definition of enough is "the amount required".


On a personal note... why do women have to be so damn insecure... I haven't found ONE woman who is a chaste as they expect their guys to be!

Answer 8

Ok sweetie -as an older woman- let me tell you a little something about men and porn. It's a natural thing- you have to try to accept that first. Many many men I have been with have told me that it's not so much the woman on the tv that make them aroused. When watching porn 90% of the time the guy doesn't really care about the girl- they are thinking of the position. They aren't sitting there going "OMG- that girls is HOT! I would like to hit that"! no, instead they are sitting there thinking man I bet that feels good- not the girl- the position.

ok- so now that I have given you maybe another way to think of porn I will give you a little advice on how to deal with your boyfriend. The best solution- enjoy it with him. Try role playing or something. You might like it. IF you absolutely are unwilling to try to accept it- then you might be with the wrong guy. We choose the people we love- and we can choose to accept the things they like or we can choose to take another path, fight it till the end- when you will realize that you can't accept him. I am NOT saying go end your relationship- cause I am not sure there are many guys out there that don't enjoy porn- so instead of changing him maybe you can try to make a change in yourself first.

I hope this helps.

Answer 9

Apparently there are several couples at least on yahoo....that aren't in agreement about porn. My husband and I are in total agreement...We rarely watch the stuff. Sure he had his share of the crap when he was single...but once we got married it went out the door and he was fine with that. Let some of the kind folks here on Yahoo tell you that porn is ok...that it is "normal" for guys to watch it.....that "all guys are going to watch it"...that simpley isn't the case. My husband doesn't watch it...and believe it or not....he isn't crazy!! I think it is totally disrespectful to your spouse if you watch the stuff and hide it...with out any regards to their feelings. Just do some research on the effects of pornography on a marriage...I am sorry your guy feels the need to watch the stuff....If a couple is in agreement about watching it....even if it is ok to watch it without the other present....and the women can say that they are honestly ok with it...then I suppose that it is "healthy" for their relationship.

NOTICE how that most of the people answering are defending porn....and not answering your question? Tisk Tisk

Snack Daddy....You are insulting....She isn't wanting everyone to agree...she wanted to hear from people that think that porno effects a relationship.....READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!!!

Answer 10

Its hard. Becuase the way I felt about it was that what he calls just plain old "porn" I took it as him looking at women doing sexual things and getting off on it. Its NOT okay and it will never be okay for my husband to look at porn behind my back. Its causes jealousy, disrespectfulnes and sheer anger. I asked him once on how would he feel if I was just watching porn where the man was the main attraction, not the slut with her legs open. He said he wouldn't care. I was 7 mnoths pregnant and this is after he swore off porn and said it was disgusting and I wnet online looked into the histroy for a website I was trying to access only to find deleted downloaded lesbian scenes. I hhave never hated him so much for going behind my back and disrespecting me. Becuase regardless what the men out there think. IT IS disrespect. But the reality is they don't see that, they see it as a game, a "fantasy" something quick and exicting, the idea is forbidden therfore erotic. So this is what you can do, take it or leave it. He probably lieks the idea of porn now becuase...well...he isn't aloud to watch it... so this is what you do. first you calm yourself down and figure out WHAT about it pisses you off more. Once you figure it out you can work on trying to fix it. Ok heres an example, if what ticks you off is the fact that he did it behind your back, do something naughty behind his back...like you can watch porn. Thats to calm you down and not make it seem so bad becuase you did soemthing sneaky as well. Once you've either masturbated to porno or just went online to look at some sexy male bods (whatever floats your boat) you can start bringing YOUR OWN pornos home. Make it a point to watch it WITH him, make it OKAY, once you make it okay it won't be forbidden and not so fun anymore. Make him want to be the one to stop. You can watch it all the time you guys do something sexual. To the point where HE is annoyed. Don't get me wrong, he will enjoy it AT FIRST, but eventually the thrill is gone and all thats left is fake orgasms. Then he will stop doing it and then just to make sure the same problem doesn't occur watch a porno once a month with him, or however regular you want to make it. But the reality is, its give and take. You can't expect him to give it up all together becuase then he will do it behind your back, i.e, causing more problems. But you also have to compromise you can't AWLAYS be the one in control. Trust me i know. It can be fun and exciting if you make. f you make it a point to understand boundaries there is absolutely nothing wrong watching a porno TOGETHER, so try it, and eventually it can enhance your life and cause beter trust issues.

Answer 11

People that ENJOY porn alone can get into a fantasy state of mind about sex and it will not filter into the bedroom. This in itself creates a huge problem, obviously. This distorted view of sexuality often makes the person incapable of having a normal relationship as it will cause the person to take care of themselves and that often translates to having less sex with their mate. This in turn makes the mate feel less than and works on that person mind in thinking that they are not good enough and suspicions of cheating. In essence, this is a form of cheating even though they are visual images and not real flesh. Many marriages have ended because of obsession like that.