why me??? i dont get it???

Question

HISTORY: my STB ex-husband & i have been separated for a few months. he has a pregnant girlfriend whom he lives in another state with. when he comes here to visit our daughter, we have our own little fling going on (you know what i mean). i'm the person he calls when he needs to confide in someone. i'm the person he calls when he's down and depressed. and i'm there for him like a good person should be regardless of the situation. he's human, he makes mistakes.

QUESTION: anytime he gets frustrated with something, he calls me up and vents to me as well (as above). i'm taking about when he totally looses it & yells & screams & cusses. he always acts like it's my fault then later will call me back & act like nothing ever happened. i dont get it. WHY DO I GET THE BRUNT OF HIS FRUSTRATION??? why does he call ME to get angry?!?! & everytime he talks about killing himself. what i want to know is why he chooses me to be the person he takes it all out on? i just dont get it

he knows i'm here for him to talk to, and even when he gets mad, he still asks me not to tell anyone. he's embarassed that he's screwed his life up, i think. i like being the person he goes to when he just needs someone to be there for him emotionally and mentally. but does this mean i just need to take the bad with the good?

Answer 1

wow, ur ex husband is an emotional wreck and a USER. stop taking his phone calls and consoling him, stop messing around with him. he is putting u through the ringer. he needs to man up and accept some responsibility for his behavior.you are not his emotional punching bag. so stop making urself suseptible. put ur foot down, stop taking his calls, move on with ur life so he can move on with his and put his emotional bagge on his pregnant gf.

Answer 2

First Off it's ur childs father so yes u want 2 b there 4 him,no matter what. U both seem 2 b close he confides n u,but that does not mean that u have 2 b his punching bag when things go wrong 4 him, he is a grown a-- man.Its NOT! ur fault.U get the brunt end because u ALLOW IT.I've been told people who talk about killing theirself 9time out of 10 want do it,but i believe he needs more help then u can give.Pray 4 him and suggest some professional help.

Answer 3

because even though you are stb, he isn't taking it seriously because you are still giving him a fling. So he sees you now as a booty call and since he knows you, he vents to you. I don't know if you are breaking up because of his infidelity, but he is seeing it as having his cake and eating it to in my opinion. The problem is, you are not showing him the pist off wife who he better not have the audacity to come and vent too, you are showing him the everything is ok ex wife who you can come have a fling with when you need it. In my opinion, men don't see a difference. They mostly think that if you are willing to still do the ditty, then listen to my crap too. I bet the if the new girl found that he was still having a fling with you, she would be reacting a whole lot different, and he knows it, so he comes to you. Almost like a push over.

Answer 4

You get the brunt of his frustration because you allow him to treat you that way. There is a difference between being a nice person and a doormat that gets walked on. You are the later of the two as far as he is concerned. He calls back and acts like nothing happened or was wrong because he had no remorse for how he treats you. He uses you and abuses you and you let him because you think that is being a good person. Don't you see that you are actually enabling him to continue to be the rotten kind of person he is because he has no repercussions for what he does? He will not change because you allow him to be the same way and nothing happens for being like that.

Answer 5

When I was going through a divorce I know we used each other for sex and support, some... But this is over-board. He is having a baby with someone else! He is you STB ex-husband for a reason. Remember those reasons. My ex and I stayed friends for our child's sake but I realized real fast that I couldn't be there for him emotionally. I had to heal myself and in order to do that. You will probably need to cut ties with him and only talk when it comes to your daughter. Seriously, move on! Go out with your friends! Date someone when your ready, and when you are horny.. well, get a toy!

Answer 6

I think you are reading too much into this. He is getting laid by two women (at least, there may be more) and as Bill Clinton he does it for the most basic of all reasons, because he can.

The real issue here is, why do you let him? Do you value yourself so little that you will settle for a small portion of a man, for a man who is still a boy, for a man who doesn't love you, uses you and abuses you, and has no commitment to you or your daughter.

Answer 7

You took on the job of being his punching bag and booty call.
This is why this happens to you. Most woman after there husband leaves them and has a baby with a woman in another state would tell them the go Fu** themselves instead you jump in bed like he is the best thing since sliced bread.

No man will respect a woman who has no respect for themselves. Hang up next time he calls.

Answer 8

I am not understanding why you feel obligated to deal w/his drama at all. If he has a girlfriend then he needs to learn how to communicate w/her and not you. How do you think she would feel if she knew that he was cheating on her w/his ex and also giving you all of the information on their issues ?? + if he is your STB ex-husband he is your ex for a reason so it seems like you have a problem w/moving on b/c apparently he doesnt.

Answer 9

He probably feels that as long as he is able to still be with you physically, that he can let out his frustration to you without feeling guilty or embarassed. He probably does not want his girlfriend to see this side of him. He wants her to see him as a strong man who has it all together and if he is open with his emotions, this may be a sign of weakness. As long as you let him, he will continue to use you as a outlet for his emotional issues. You should just let him know that you are not his significant other anymore and he should talk to his girlfriend about this. You have your own life to live now and should be moving on with it.

Answer 10

You said, "i like being the person he goes to when he just needs someone to be there for him emotionally and mentally. " That is why he comes to you and that is why you get the brunt of his anger. You choose it. You choose to let him use you for a fling while he lives with his preg. gf.
Simple... He chooses you because you let him. Simple.

Answer 11

Although you are being a good friend to him, he is not returning the favor. Don't allow yourself to be dumped on. Don't be the go-to girl either. If he is involved with someone else and is still coming to you for a fling, how much does he really respect you and your feelings. He chooses you because you allow it.