We both did things to ruin our marraige..me more than him.. He left a year and a half ago and I have been obsessed withe the idea of he will come back. The strange things is we get along, he comes over frequently to visit with the kids, he says, but when i try to stay away from them he calls me into the living room or outside whereever he is he calls me to him. Or when he takes the kids out who are 10 and 11 and are good and doesnt need my help with them has me go too. He tells me he is not coming back and that he does not love me in that way but his actions and some things he says tells me different. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't come over or call. And if I don't call him he calls me.I am feeling alone and sad. I just want to be with him and he obviously wants to be around me. Why can't he just come home and how do I get over this and move on cus I cant live like this anymore but i cant seem to move on and he hasn't even filed 4 div.
2007-08-10 08:34:06 · 5 answers · asked by youcandoit 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
have changed so much, I got a better job, lost weight, and now i am half way to getting my ***. degree. How do i get over the bad dreams of him with someone else, the obsession with he will come back, and calling him 40 times a day. I am soo scared and sad I don't know how to get over this its been over a year. why wont he divorve me if he doesn't want to be with me. he says cus he doesn't want to deal with the way i will act but is this any better
2007-08-10 08:34:36 · update #1
You aren't wanting HIM back...you are wanting the SECURITY back. Stand on your own 2 feet and move on. Get a counselor if you need one. You need to focus on you and get yourself better. Like you said, both of you ruined the marriage. Why would it change if you got back together? it wouldn't. it would be just exactly the same as before, no matter how much you want it to be better. Move on for YOU. not for your kids, not for him. FOR YOU.
2007-08-10 08:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by paganmom26 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he just wants the kids to have both parents around and for there to be no harsh feelings, based on what you said he does. It's just my opinion, but he seems to want you around as a mother figure and try to prevent a complete divorce from occuring, but no more than that. You should probably talk to him about not being able to live as a mother without having a real, meaningful realationship that should be a part of two people raising kids. I think you should explain to him that you can't go on this way, and you don't want anyone to get upset, but he needs to tell you where he wants the relationship to go. From what you put, it doesn't seem like it can go on how it is at this time. Explain to him that you need a relationship and if he isn't right for you, than you can still help raise the kids, but everything is going to be healthier in the long run if the kids have two parents that actually love each other. It sounds like he is trying to protect the family "image" in front of the kids by having you around, and it is hurting you because you two don't love each other like he is pretending you do around the kids. Let him share his opinon, too, and hopefully you guys can work something out different from the arrangement you have that will make everybody happy. Hope I helped!
2007-08-10 08:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by Renisca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're reading too much into what he's doing. A lot of what he does from what you've said seems like he's doing it for the kids. You guys get along for the kid's sake, he comes over to see the kids so they don't feel like he doesn't care about them, he wants you to be around him and the kids so they still feel you guys are a family. They're older yes, but the separation is still young at only a year and a half. The kids stil need to see these things. As the previous answer said, you crave security, since you've had that for so long. You should definitely talk to someone professional. Also, don't call him 40x a day. If you push him away, it could affect the kids very badly. Good luck!
2007-08-10 08:48:08 · answer #3 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't do what you should. Join a church social group, get around and start finding new friends. It's like a drug habit. Your going to have to start getting to know new people, join a bowling group, golf, try something different, accept dates and start going out. There's another world out there waiting for you.
2007-08-10 08:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your going to have to file for divorce and make him pay child support otherwise he will keep using you like this. Theres no other way around it. Its something your going to have to do to move on.
2007-08-10 09:02:08 · answer #5 · answered by stallion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋