Don't you think that women carrying their husband's name after marriage is disrespectful ?

Question

Doesn't it make the women just like property to the husband or like she is one of his children!!!!?? Don't you think it's better for the woman to carry her own name?
What are your opinions?

Answer 1

I think it is a choice and people choose to do so out of tradition, I don't think they do thinking about anything else but the fact that that way all members in the family will carry the same name. I particularly did not want to change my name just because I though it would be a pain having to change all my documents and stuff. Interestingly enough, in Islam (a religion that many judge to be so degrading to women) is not a custom for women to change their name after marriage, and I think in part so that she is not regarded as the husband's property.

Answer 2

If the couple wants children, once the children are born and they use their father's last name, it makes it easier for the kids and the schools to put together who belongs with whom...

Personally, I'm in favor of a woman continuing to use her maiden name following marriage, particularly if she is employed (in ANY capacity, or plans to return to the workforce after having children). Your work history is easier to track that way, plus you have the psychological benefit of still being "you" instead of this "new person" with a strange last name. However, it can pose a problem with children in the picture, because school officials/employees may treat you and your family "differently" for not all having the same last name - and, in some screwball cases, you may even be looked at as if you are not your child's rightful, biological mother (or father!) if you don't share the same surname, and that can cause issues where suspicious persons may call the Child Protective Services, police, etc to report what they feel is a suspicious activity (possible child kidnapping, custodial interference, etc) - and that will complicate life beyond all belief!

So, overall, my thought is, if you're young and want children, either take one name or the other (men can take their wives' names) or hyphenate the two and give the children the same name as you and your hubby agree upon. BUT, if you know you aren't going to be having children together, for whatever reason, go ahead and keep the maiden name, at least professionally, and accept that most of society, in social situations, will refer to you as Mrs. Smith instead of Ms. Jones. And when that happens, just smile and be grateful you have a wonderful, loving husband who wants you as his "Mrs."

Answer 3

Whether you like it or not, your culture and society is a patrilineal society. The lineage is traced through the men, which is partly why women take the last name.

Also, traditionally, while you aren't property, per-se, you are being given to your husband by your father. The name symbolizes that you're under the protection and care of your husband and you belong to him. If you keep your old name, you're saying you belong to your father, and if you keep your mothers name, you belong to your grandfather. It really isn't a big deal because no matter what name you take, it can always mean that you "belong" to someone.

If you want to worry about feminism and equality, worrying about a last name isn't worth your time. There are much bigger fish to fry when it comes to this topic.

Keep your name if you want. There's nothing stopping you. It's just really not a big deal. No one looks at a name and thinks, "Oh, hey, she's property!"

Also, marriage is about a unity and cooperation. If you're worrying about taking a name, and aren't willing to show unity in some way, then you really wouldn't even be thinking about getting married. Again, why worry about it?

Answer 4

I think it is up to the woman. If you feel your fiance is being disrespectful to you by asking you to change your name, NOW is the time to tlel him. I personally think it makes life a little easier when the whole family has the same last name, but I know lots of people who have kept their maiden names after marriage. Again, this is an extremely personal question and varies from person to person. The respect part enters when we try to make society take our values - that's disrespectful.

Answer 5

I don't think it's disrespectful. It was a tradition to carry on the husband's name. I know who I am and know I am no one's property. I guess it's from being in a healthy marriage. We are total partners. I guess I'm not defined by a name, his or mine.

Answer 6

Just where do you get it is disrespectful? It is simply a tradition. If you don't agree with it, then don't do it. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but I also wanted to honor the man I love by taking his last name. So now I have my maiden name as my new middle name. How sad that you would think that taking your husbands name would make you any less a person.

Answer 7

In Islam the women keep their own names (some do change it though). And yes, it is carried on from being property...but I am so used to it since I grew up with it that it doesn't bother me much.

Answer 8

Short answer : NO
Longer answer . . . Given that when they get married the 2 people intend to SHARE EVERYTHING for life (that's what the traditional wedding vows say) does it not make sense to unite them in name as well as in law.

Many couples take the wifes family name now, so does that make the husbane the wife's property ? NO.

In todays society it is VERY much up to the copuple concerned, so if you get married and want to keep your name, FINE, I'll not complain, but if you take the partners name, all the good, shows UNITY, which is important.

Answer 9

Making a problem out of the simplest thing seems to be all we Americans do. No it doesn't make her just like property. I believe her own name will be the same. She can't use Mrs. Jane Doe because there is no Mr. Jane Doe. Her name is Jane Doe. Her married name is Mrs. John Henry.

Answer 10

no...it is a cultural thing. The husband also will take the wifes name too if that is his choice. Spanish families carry both names, it is just how they do it. It is also optional. If someone decides to it (since you have to actually change your name and it costs money, the person wants to do it, I assure you) then that is their choice.

I would be proud to have my husbands name. I also think it wouldn't look right for my kids to have a name me and my husband didn't share.