What should I HOLD ON to in my life?

Question

I am in my early 30's, have no partner nor kids. I had several relationships but there was no chance for further commitments. I live in a foreign country and my family is far, but I've never really been close to them. Have a good job.I am a bit materialistic- that's how I was broght up- to fight for everything. My childhood was not the happiest, I am the youngest of 4 children. I spend most of my weekends alone, doing shopping to keep me happy and occupied my mind. And YES- it hurts to be alone! I am a bit afraid of commitments but would love to meet my soul-mate. I used to have days when I did nothing all day- I was like in "coma", nothing interested me. How can I be more involved, loneliness really hurts. I have got some friends but you know how it is with them. I have nothing to hold on to. Any advice. Thank you.

Answer 1

youre still young!...try to get out as much as you can (even if it is just shopping) and say yes to every invitation.you never know who you might meet and where...lots of people havent settled down yet at your age so dont worry or get down about it...get out there even if it means pushing yourself and taking chances that youre a little afraid of...take risks and youll meet someone who youre not afraid to commit to.anyone else isnt worth your time anyway...join a club or class.you may be reluctant to but once you get there who knows who'll youll meet.and if you dont like it you dont have to go again.plus you might learn something cool/pick up a hobby along the way..maybe there are some people at work who you could go out with?...sounds like you had a bit of depression which can sometimes leave you feeling as though you dont want to go anywhere or do anything.force yourself past this feeling and youll soon 'snap out of it' and itll be worth the effort...sounds like youre a nice person with a great job, secure life and you must be brave to have moved alone to a foreign country so use that to take more chances and find what you really want...good luck xxxx

Answer 2

I'm not sure what "soul mate" means. It seems to me that many of our population seek our "alter ego" in another person. This is how I define a "soul mate". We all carry some of the messages we heard as we matured in our family milieu. The truly insightful will analyze the purpose of these messages. While I value my integrity, and we all should, because that is all we have, it is important to be as honest as we can be about how these familial values fit into our individual philosophy. Marriage is not a prerequisite for pregnancy. If you sincerely desire to reproduce, go for it. Before you entertain this possibility, make sure you will be able to offer a stable environment, and be able to provide a nuturing home for any child to grow in. Fighting is really a negative behavior. Toss that out of your brain. Negotiation, compromise, flexibility, and an open mind are much better approaches for arriving at a solution. What are your interests? Are you interested in sports, intellectual pursuits,or creative endeavors? There are a lot of guys in our nation that are seeking a stable, mature, intelligent female for the possibility of mating. Be selective. Genetically transferred health compromises should be the most important consideration when a person, or a couple decide to create a life. Do not dismiss the possibility of reproducing a child that will inherit a condition that will seriously limit it's quality of life from either or both of the parents DNA. Heck, an art, or natural history, or theme museum is a great place to meet people. Go for it.

Answer 3

As someone from a foreign country, I know how you feel. The world can feel lonely some times, especially if its not your own country.

Childhood can have an impact in our lives, it can be negative or positive, but we cannot blame it on how we were rared, as we are the masters of our destiny.

Be positive. Its only you who knows where or what you feel comfortable with and use it to you advantage.

If you feel confident when you are at work than socialising, use that ability to find a mate, I know by your question that you are not a social person, so find a hobby, any thing that will get you to meet people and instead of thinking of meeting that spacial someone, think about making friends and you never know one of those people you meet might turn up to be that individual you have been looking for.

Answer 4

Hi I kind of know how you feel, I live abroad too and it does get lonely, everyone thinks living away is the bees knees but in reality its just the same as anywhere else.

I know how you mean about friends,they are ok but never totally understand... look first look at why you are failing yourself, I realised I was drinking too much for my own good, I am not saying you are the same but you will have your own down fall that you have to address, once you correct that and start over, the world will look a lot better when you are happy with your self, good luck X

P.S. what country are you living in?

Answer 5

Perhaps you should take an interest course. You may meet men or women who know single men. I think you need to add some new things into your life; some new environments and experiences. Although your main motivation should not be to meet men specifically. You should start with adding new friendships in your life.

You definitely are depressed by the way you described feeling like you were in a "coma".
You may want to see a professional about this aspect as well.

Take care.

Answer 6

What country do you live in? Can you take day trips and learn more about the culture? How about getting a sketchbook and going to a new site every chance you get and draw it. Do they have markets, like in Italy? I found the people to be very friendly on a day out... See what's out there- take this as a time to learn and stretch yourself. Experience new food, sounds, smells, people. The more interested you are, the more interesting you become.

Answer 7

you need to join a few clubs that interste you
get you out and about and mixing and do some exercise as that s a stress depleter
and be optomistic
and change your perception of where you are in life
you've done well challenge that and do more
charity work always brings harmony to the soul try spending an afternoon doing that or join the VSo for 6 months

Answer 8

Hi,there's nothing wrong with being materialistic however it's far more fun with some one to share it with.By the sound of it you are ready to settle down get yourself out.One day you will meet the person for you then there will be no holding you back.Good Luck now go get them.

Answer 9

Stop and look at the things you do have, a home, good job-( wish mine was) friends- (even if not there all the time they have thier own life struggles) and yes you do have family it is up to you on that to get them close to you. Volunteer at homeless shelters, red cross, churches, those are things that bring you much happiness to know you are helping another in life.

Answer 10

You sound pretty depressed - do you think you might be?Because that really stops you enjoying life and connecting with people and activities and basically living in a solo fantasy world because it's easier to deal with. What you have described sounds so very similar to myself (when depressed) years ago. Have you thought about seeing a doctor ?- it wouldn't do any harm to get a professional opinion.
Good Luck.