His wife and him (both around 40 yo) have no sexual relationship at all, no contact for over a year.. he wants it she doesn't, they have been to counselling (3 months).. all talk, no action still... and he's not a jerk, she just has no drive and tells him that all the time. How long should he go without sex before making a choice to go somewhere else for it.
2007-08-10 07:32:07 · 25 answers · asked by n_maritz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FYI, she knows exactly where he stands thay have discussed these issues for 3 months, she says she's just got no drive, and it's not anything he's doing.. the problem lies in the fact that she can be content with the relationship this way, and he can't understand that.. and either do to be honest..
no physical relationship= roomate/not wife..
2007-08-16 05:06:21 · update #1
Your friend may think that the easy option is to seek for what he is lacking in his marriage outside of his marriage. This never works, and will ultimately kill any last hope of intimacy with his wife for ever!
Usually women have no sex drive when they lack self-esteem and confidence. It may be that she needs to see a counsellor on her own, not to discuss her relationship with her husband so much, as to discuss why it is she has no drive. In most cases, when a woman feels good about herself she is more open and loving with her partner and more sex follows.
I hope your friend all the luck in his endeavours!
2007-08-18 01:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it! Even if your wife would give you permission to have sex outside of the marriage it is not a good thing to do. Lets say that your marriage goes bad and winds up in Divorce, she could use your permitted affair against you. If you need sex that bad then call on Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters. It is not as good as having a warm body next to yours but it is alot safer. I have been in a relationship with a beautiful lady for almost 8 years now, but I only see her a few times a month so I know what I am talking about and can relate to your problem too. As the old saying goes, " Been there, done that "I was married for 15 years with the same situation as you are in now. I got out of the marriage before doing anything else and I am still glad I did.
2007-08-18 03:54:46 · answer #2 · answered by david s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is about A LOT more than sex. Possibly he should be concerned about her health and state of mind and consider what he is doing in the relationship that is causing her to lose interest. If that is all he wants her for, then it's his problem not hers. Divorce or seeking sex elsewhere is not the answer. Being patient, working on the relationship and possibly communicating more is a better solution. A person doesn't die without sex. He needs to be a man and find out what she needs in order to be able to respond to him in that way. It's possible that hormonal problems are an issue with his wife and medical treatment can resolve the problem. A year without sex is not a reason to either end the marriage or find it somewhere else.
2007-08-17 14:11:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I think there is something not right about the whole thing. You can not possibly be content and in love with someone and not want to have sex. Maybe she should be checked out by a doctor or try something to help him out. there are many options for womens sex drive these day's and it just seems wierd that she is not haveing the heart to explore these things for him. When you love someone you do those things to keep your relationship alive. So I say he has been outstanding holding on that long and how hard that must be. I would tell him to talk to her about other options. Why be in something if it's just not there anymore.
2007-08-17 21:23:49 · answer #4 · answered by Cotton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them to see a doctor and check and see if there is anything thay could do to help her. Then if all elce fails he needs to talk to her and see what can be done, the idea on a casual sex partner sounds good, but I don't think it will turn out verry well. Thay need to try all there options before thay try going elcewere.It is hard for a man not to get satisfied by his wife but it is also hard for a wife to let her husband go to someone elce for sex, it will hurt her.If he loves her he will not want to put her through the pain.
2007-08-16 13:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by rhondam79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Again, communication. If the counseling hasn't helped and you've tried every avenue that you see possible, well then maybe it's time that the two of you talk about turning to someone else to fulfill those needs. You know, maybe if you talk about bringing in a third party for satisfaction things might change. It's a gamble though. Knowing that you love your wife though is definitely a reason to communicate about this. Maybe she just isn't as certain anymore. You never know. Good Luck.
2007-08-17 08:21:06 · answer #6 · answered by ali30144 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one I was in a relationship like that for 3 years, my wife said no to sex all the time, so now I have change my life I am not married anymore and I do what I have to do, a friend of mine said to me, only a guy would know what a guy likes so I said what's that, he told me a guy, and guess what I did go with a guy, as for woman sorry.
2007-08-18 00:44:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because they aren't having sex, doesn't mean he should go somewhere else for it. He is a married man. His options are to 1)deal with it, 2) get a divorce, 3) or they can find out what is wrong with her, it could be a hormone imbalance or a psychological problem.
2007-08-17 21:01:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend married for better or worse. I hope that he is taking his vows seriously. I understand the hardship on him , but with enough help , she might come around. I think she needs a dr to find out why she has no desire not just a therapist. I think he should go as long w/o as it takes for his wife to get "better" that is what marriage is about good and bad. You dint' mention any life threating abuse here
2007-08-17 12:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by seymoretowns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes women rebel on certain things we find about our men that are different and the way we take it is withdrawals. life is not about games but just based on what is being read there is more to this story then she just doesn't want to "trust me" women are at there peek of there sex drive at this time, the men sex drive is the one that starts going down. but if this isn't the case, counseling really doesn't work because that person its there. the husband really needs to show her that his there for her, he needs to be more sensual,more spontaneous now if these things aren't working, she found someone else " believe it" she could just be playing him until she gets herself together and leave him. this could be a possibility. sorry no sugar coating.
2007-08-17 12:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by CYM_2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋