Obsessed and sad?

Question

We both did things to ruin our marraige..me more than him.. He left a year and a half ago and I have been obsessed withe the idea of he will come back. The strange things is we get along, he comes over frequently to visit with the kids, he says, but when i try to stay away from them he calls me into the living room or outside whereever he is he calls me to him. Or when he takes the kids out who are 10 and 11 and are good and doesnt need my help with them has me go too. He tells me he is not coming back and that he does not love me in that way but his actions and some things he says tells me different. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't come over or call. And if I don't call him he calls me.I am feeling alone and sad. I just want to be with him and he obviously wants to be around me. Why can't he just come home and how do I get over this and move on cus I cant live like this anymore but i cant seem to move on and he hasn't even filed 4 div.

I have changed so much, I got a better job, lost weight, and now i am half way to getting my ***. degree. How do i get over the bad dreams of him with someone else, the obsession with he will come back, and calling him 40 times a day. I am soo scared and sad I don't know how to get over this its been over a year. why wont he divorve me if he doesn't want to be with me. he says cus he doesn't want to deal with the way i will act but is this any better?

thats associate degree they deleted my obr. for it. anyway thanks all.

I have changed so much, I got a better job, lost weight, and now i am half way to getting my associates degree. How do i get over the bad dreams of him with someone else, the obsession with he will come back, and calling him 40 times a day. I am soo scared and sad I don't know how to get over this its been over a year. why wont he divorve me if he doesn't want to be with me. he says cus he doesn't want to deal with the way i will act but is this any better?

? help me please

Not one person in an hour has answered why?

Answer 1

as soon as you realize that everybody else is as lost in life as you are, you will be able to explain certain things to yourself.

maybe your husband is hurt and just waits for a proper apology for what you've done. (you said you both did things to ruin your marriage)
maybe he just has no clue what he wants or what this
"marriage thing" is all about. don't we all ask ourselves sometimes what love really is? maybe he just plays with you, as a kind of revenge?

make him realize that you can't deal with things like that, tell him that you are sorry, that you are lost - that you are human as well as he is. if you both want to, there is always a way back. but you need to be sure about your feelings, your believes.

most of all, you have to realize that you cannot force things to work. if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to, that's it. understand that your obsession is fed by the hunger for affection and security (as well as his uncertainty might be a result of insecurity and fear of failure).
be brave and patient, but state your point to him very clearly. then either both of you will find strength to start again, or you will need to find strength alone to walk away and leave things behind.

in that case, you can still let your children have a father, but you yourself need to avoid contact with him as much as possible. try instead to find somebody else to date or simply keep yourself busy with a hobby or friends and family.