Loneliness...
Like a flower with no petals
like a poem with no rhymes
like an angel with no feathers
like a star in the sky
like thorns threw your body
like a knife threw your chest
like trying to find somebody
but falling from your nest
like a diamond in the sea
like silence in your heart
like pain that ever lasts
like my soul that fell apart
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hope u like it!
2007-08-10 07:20:16 · 2 answers · asked by Christine N 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Your poem has very good potential...needs some minor editing...try:
"like a star not in the sky"
"like sharp thorn through your body"
"like a dull knife through your chest"
"like trying to find your mother"
"like pain that never ends"
"like a soul that fell apart"
the other lines are fine the way they are. The recommended changes are either to correct for missing beats, or to provide connecting or contrasting images.
hope this helps
keep writing, this one was pretty good
2007-08-11 16:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved you passion, your style, you creativity and your humor. You go with your bad self.
2007-08-11 22:42:55 · answer #2 · answered by Owl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋