How can they love you, but be so insensitive?

Question

I tried to tell my husband last night that something he did was irritating me, and he interupted me and said "i think we should go to bed". I asked him why he would interupt me when i'm trying to tell him how I feel and he said " If I didn't, you would have went on all night and wind yourself up".

today at lunch, I told him that upset me, and his first response was "This is going to carry on into today? Oh, I bet this is going to be a 'wonderful' weeked" [sarcastically]

Everytime I try to tell him that I'm upset, he says we are arguing! So what, am I never supposed to tell him when I'm unhappy? I can't keep it all in, i'll explode..


I thought your husband was the one you're supposed to be able to vent to. Because if I don't vent, how am I supposed to get over it?

Answer 1

It is supposed to be that way, however most times it is not. There is a definite communication problem going on with you and your husband. If he is uwilling to talk about what is bothering you, I can't see how your marriage will survive. Did he just become this way? I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

It's ok to vent, but you can't vent to him about HIM all the time. Pick your battles. You know what I mean? Only pick the really bad stuff that you can't live with anymore and you MUST get it out in the open. Make sure you both are open and listen to what he has to say and he to you and always try to resolve the situation quickly and thats the end of it. Communication is the key, but don't always critize him, and maybe sometime say "maybe your right, I never looked at it that way, I'm sorry."

I had a problem with leaving lists of things that needed to get done around the house. HE HATED THAT. So he flipped out on me about it and so we agreed that as long as he did one thing around the house every day, that I would not nag anymore. And he's been doing that! It's been working really well. Just try to find an in between with things that need to change in your relationship. My favorite quote "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." -Anon

Answer 3

He SHOULD be listening...that's what marriage is - a partnership. He sounds like my husband and most men in general.

My husband gripes everyday about his job, traffic, the heat, etc. (And I listen!) But If I try to confide in him, he either only pretends to listen or gets angry.

I talked to a male counselor, and he told me that this happens in most relationships. If you are confiding about an issue not related to your husband, he feels obligated to FIX the problem.

He wont understand that sometimes just TALKING to someone you love is enough in itself. If you are trying to discuss relationship issues, he will shut you down because HE isn't currently unhappy, and thinks you are being a "typical" woman whose hormones must be out of whack.

Men don't WANT to change their ways and won't. Women either attempt to change themselves (or toughen up) or suppress our unhappiness.

The end result IS an explosion...the woman leaves her husband and he has no idea why!

Men are not really equipped to communicate well. They lack empathy and common ability to deal with emotion, alot of time it isn't their fault. Men are EXPECTED to be emotionless and insensitive.

Do what I did, go talk to a male therapist and he may be able to give you some insight on a way to sneak in the communication process.

I'm tempted to tell you he's a jerk and leave him...but you and your husband (in this instance) sound like a carbon copy of me and my husband - you'll just put up with it and love him anyway... feeling ignored and unimportant. But I might add that I am on the verge of my final "explosion" after only 5 years.

Answer 4

How about you listen to him and stop now before you wind yourself up.

Feelings are great indicators to tell you how you feel, BUT NOT THE TRUTH.

Loving someone is accepting the other person completely the good and bad. Now accept the irritating thing your husband does as a flaw and just love him. Like how he love you even though you wind yourself up.

Answer 5

You should be able to say anything to him...that is what he would tell a counselor, she can tell me anything, why doesnt she talk to me, i love her i would listen to anything she has to say....and then you come home and the same scenario you just described happens as you are walking in the door....OOPS sorry, i was suppose to be talking about your question.....

You need to tell him what you told us, if he wont listen leave and come back later and start it all over until he hears you...either you will eventually not come back or he will listen....

I know, not a good option...but counseling doesnt always work either!! Good Luck whatever you do!! Wish you the best

Answer 6

Maybe, just maybe, you are a little TOO sensative about certain things. And possibly, the way you appraoch subjects with your husband, the way you bring them up - automatically puts him on the defensive.

Yes you should be able to talk to your husband about how you feel, BUT at the same time, you need to know HOW to talk to him in a way that will illicit a positive response.

I seriously suggest you get yourself into counseling, first and foremost to help you with your sensativity,and secondly to learn new ways of discussing issues with your husband.

Answer 7

He loves you I am sure but mose men don't like to hear us women express how we feel. I think you may need to try some counseling out to help you two learn how to communicate. There are different ways to say something that may get him to open up. He may feel that when you go to express yourself, then you are on your way to starting an argument. Maybe you can think of a different way to say what bothers you. Like "Honey can I tell you something? " You never know if that may get him to listen instead of tuning you out.

Answer 8

Maybe you vent too much over things and he is getting sick of it. I'm not picking on you, but a lot of guys don't like huge conversations over every little thing.

If its lots of small things, just let him know once, and let it go...thats all you can do. Simply say, "honey it upsets me when you ________ and it makes me feel like________"...and that is it........

Answer 9

It sounds like you might be letting too many little things get to you. Just try to relax and say a little prayer that the Lord will calm you & help you to have a good day.