Ok so I don't get along with my sister inlaws (5 of them) AT ALL! They don't like me and vice versa. My husband has never stood up to them for me which makes me mad.. finally I just cut them loose (about a year ago). He said I don't have to go to any family things.
Well about a month ago I went off on one SIL (just couldn't hold it in) not the right thing to do, but its done...and even told her she (and her fam) was the reason I want to divorce my husband (15 yrs)because I would rather not deal with anything anymore. NOW, she is getting married this fall . My husband wants me to go...Knowing they have been talking about me for years, knowing I will get attitude and smirks all night long... what should I do?
2007-08-10 06:21:08 · 28 answers · asked by meme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it offers any comfort, your situation is universally common. There is no easy fix. The key is the role of your husband. What is his view of his immediate family (you, him and kids) vs. his original family (his parent side). As soon as one gets married a few family is formed and is independent of the original family. Not to say to cut off relationship with the old one. Sometimes he has to choose. Same for you in relation to your original family.
Here is the answer: work out a basic arrangement so that both would be able to live with. For example, you both go to the wedding (possibly important to him and he does not want to lose face) but not stay for reception. It is a compromise. No easy fix.
2007-08-10 06:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by musicABC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't live in a constant battle zone. Your husband needs to grow a pair and decide who comes first his wife or sisters.
He should be the one to put them in there place as if he did you would not have to. The problem is that your husband shows his family that he has no respect for you and that is why this has been going on so long. If I was you I would go to the wedding looking my best. I would treat him like I was hit by cupid with a love arrow. I would never show his family that your upset with him because that will lead to "they are right that you are no good". If you don't go that is what is going to be said. To be honest it would burn them more if you both were getting along rather then you sit home and he goes. Win the war forget the Battle. Play it smart, when you are with him I would not talk about his family let them say what they want after all do you really give a sh** what they think of you I would let them know they don't effect you or your marriage.
Good Luck.
2007-08-10 06:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um, is meow mix served at any of these family functions because this sounds extremely catty to me. You don't say why the group of you don't like each other - so it's pretty easy to figure out this is a mutual issue between all of you. Each of you being equally wrong.
You have been getting attitudes and smirks for a long time now, and you know you give them right back...one night isn't going to make a difference. Just go to the wedding and be the bigger person.
You can't expect your husband to make his sisters like you - and your outburst pretty much solidified that they now never will, even if he did try.
You go to the wedding because your husband wants you by his side - there will be plenty more people for you to socialize with than the "fab 5" but with this warning - DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT,get into it with any of the sisters - you will have more than them against you if you do anything to ruin the wedding. blood is thicker...
2007-08-10 06:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hold your head high walk in there like you own the place, not snotty or bitchy but you are a part of this family as well and you have a right to be there! He wants you there so go and show him you can and are willing to put the cahos behind you. I do not get along with my sis in-law and we just don't talk anymore, when we pass eachother in town I wave but she'll turn her head the other way no big deal who cares!- Be the better person, refuse to argue - refuse to hear the comments and laughter. Refuse to get along like this anymore. Kill em' with kindness! and good luck raise above it and know you're husband and you will remain husband and wife no matter what goes on between them and you. He doesn't get involved b/c it is easier not to nad he is trying to be the peacemaker help him out and just refuse to bicker with them! Don't go there with them when they start when they start tell them I'm not doing this, I'm not arguing with you and walk away! That simple! and then they will start to look at you in a different light. I promise!
2007-08-10 06:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns and don't go if he doesn't like well tough he can be a man and stand up for you or he can kiss your a.. Stay away from them completly. I'm feeling really bad for you because I have similar problems except for its my husbands mom and grandmother I've already told him I won't go to another gathering again ever (that by the way is my perogative) If he wants to go by all means but I won't. My husband stands up for me though so I'm not sure how hard it would be if he didn't. As it is he's told his grandmother not to speak so much as a word to me. That he will not allow them to come between are marriage.
2007-08-10 07:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by rebeccaangel2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know why they don't like you so much, I would call them on the carpet about it! Maybe you can work it out. But if you do know why then I would go and just ignore all the crap that they may give out. Plus, your husband should stick up for you and tell them to get over it since it has been 15 yrs! It may make them see that if you don't react to their childish crap that maybe it might stop. Good luck!
2007-08-10 06:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by rcjusticegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your hubby you can deal with one night. He has cut you lose not to go to any family things and so when he does ask you need to be the bigger person here. This way he knows you are trying and they are not. So you let her have it. That's OK you need to do what is right for you. If you let the rest have it that's OK also just don't do it at the wedding. They Will really hate you. I know how you feel. I have had to suck it up more then once!!!
2007-08-10 06:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad Situation!! I know what it's like to have inlaws who don't particularly care for you. I also think it's unfortunate that your husband is aware of the situation and still expects you to grin and bare it. This is a situation that could potentially lead to the break up of your marriage. I would not go, but the decision it yours to make. You can always go and kill them with kindness. That is always the best revenge. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-08-10 06:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been married for 15 years then you need to grow up and go with your husband. Don't react to these people, that is just childish. They should be ashamed of themselves but you don't need to give them the satisfaction of reacting either. Lame excuse to divorce your hubby too by the way.
2007-08-10 06:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to decide what's more important to him, his wife or his sisters. No you should not go, it willnot be a good time for you and if you go it will wind up porbably being a bad time for nt just you but your husband and probably severla people at the wedding.
Your husband has to man up here and he just doesn't seem to have the characer to do that...email me honey, let's talk this over privately.
2007-08-10 06:40:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋