Am I wrong to think that my marriage of one year is over just because my husband has called me names before? He really hurt my feelings, and this is really starting to ruin my happy feelings about our marriage. He has apologized, but sometimes when we argue, he calls me names again. He never calls me these names when we are not arguing, but it still hurts bad. He has never hit me, but he may as well have, the way I feel. Please help!
2007-08-10 06:12:41 · 8 answers · asked by Lynne M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Sticks and stones can hurt my bones but names will never hurt me"- Be strong, when we're mad we try to hurt the other perosn and not on purpose it's just what happens, the first 5 years are the toughest! His words will not effect you if you don't allow them to. He said sorry it's in the past now, so work for the future, Chris Isak "don't be so quick to say we're through things go wrong but I still love you!"
2007-08-10 06:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is sadly untrue. Words hurt very much. I think that your husband doesn't really mean the things he says about you since he only says them when you fight and never brings it up otherwise. When we get angry, we usually go for the throat and sadly your mate knows how to hurt you more than anyone else.
I have to admit that at the beginning of my marriage (4 years in Jan.) I was a name caller. It hurt my husband very much and eventually he called me some names too. When I saw how much it hurt, I changed my ways. I am not suggesting that you call your husband a name but perhaps you could explain how bad it hurts you and ask him how it would make him feel.
I don't think that your marriage is over. You all just need a little work. Might I suggest "The Five Love Languages Book" by Gary Chapman. It might help y'all to understand how each person feels loved.
I pray this works out well for you.
2007-08-10 13:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by Arrica H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in abusive relationships before and am activly trying to get public awarness and get mandatory classes in our high schools.
That being said, verbal abuse cannot be tolerated. Verbal abuse is much worse than physical abuse because it hurts our self worth and continues to hurt it for years to come.
I am just wondering if you have told your husband how you feel and what his reaction was? If he is sincerely sorry then he would be trying to find some help for himself, such as anger management. Or he would be making an effort to stop.
There is also some things you need to ask yourself. Is him demeaning you and your self worth really worth your own happiness?
Remeber that your marraige will not last if you do not love yourself and by loving yourself you will not let that continue.
Apologies only mean something if the said action is stopped or an effort is made to quit the action (and when I say effort, it would have to be a noticable effort).
Good luck and you will be in my prayers!
2007-08-10 13:34:33 · answer #3 · answered by lost in a world of confusion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may need to go to anger management classes. Lots of kids grow up in families where yelling means more than love. Where name calling is common. Where anger is the way of life and not patience, love and compassion. When there is a calm moment for the two of you..you can even arrange it so you will be sure that it is.. sit with him.talk to him about how his parents had disagreements. Ask him if he sees what he does as a repeat of their failure to love each other as he when he was very very young but wanted so badly for them to love each other. Kids always remember the devastating arguments kids have. They remember the steel in their parents eyes...and they remember who was right and who was wrong. Let your husbands memories help get him past this by you being kind and patient and gentle with him. You can even practice the direction you want this conversation to go. And be like steel yourself. You know you do not want him to call you names in front of future children, you don'twant him calling his own children bad names either....... You know him best. Think about how to go about it. And then do it. Proceed with caution and love. NO yelling at all. Calm voice. Gentle touching. Real love.
God bless your new family.
2007-08-10 13:26:51 · answer #4 · answered by jokerthefreak1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear about this....Abuse of any kind is totally unacceptable, in my opinion.
Sounds like your husband has trouble controlling his anger and that's why he calls you names. Still, it's stupid and immature. He should see he has a problem and deal with it soon before he continues to make you feel unhappy!
And if you feel afraid that he might actually dare to hit you, it's time you called your family and told them about this. It's important for you to feel you have support from them if things get worse.
Please think about your situation and get help and counseling. Abusers need to have a partner- are you going to continue letting him act this way? Consider your options and try to start saving some money in case you have an emergency.
Nobody deserves to be beaten, yelled at, put down or disrespected. GET HELP.
2007-08-10 13:21:37 · answer #5 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What ever happened to the sage advise of "Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
Words are truly meaningless. Its the actions of a people that matter. My wife vents all the time and I laugh it off, which ticks her off even more. Maybe I should just smirk. Would a giggle be un-manly?
2007-08-10 15:29:10 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he isgnores this makes him just as bad as if he beats you.
Get counseling first
2007-08-10 13:26:21 · answer #7 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
verbal abuse is just as bad as physical.i know how u feel.
2007-08-10 13:20:47 · answer #8 · answered by krazygirl30 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋