Depression.....need some input?

Question

How does depression affect a relationship? Do you find it difficult to communicate with the people in your life that you love the most, and find yourself cutting them out of your life? More specifically, have you had to end a relationship because of it, but couldn't bring yourself to communicate any further with that person even if they were offering support and help?? I've found myself in this situation, and don't know what to do to help him. I'm trying to be a friend to him, but he's not very responsive to me and I don't know if I should leave him be or keep offering support and letting him know I am there so he knows that I haven't abandoned him. I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out his unresponsiveness. He doesn't seem to want anything to do with me

I'm trying to be patient. We were going out for about 3 months when he told me it wouldn't work out for now because he had to fix things in his life so he could be happy. This all happened about 6 months ago. Still has not given a definite answer on the relationship, he just doesn't know what will happen. I've been offering support as a friend, and every once in a while I write an email to see how he's doing and to let him know I am there. Some he responds to, some he doesn't. He did respond to me last week, a few days after I had sent him an email encouraging him to get help. He said things have been painful and agonizing, and that the help he is getting isn't enough because his mind is still really uncomfortable. He plays in a band, and said that's all he really needs but everything else in his life still seems to be a disaster. I'm just looking for any input on his situation and what, if anything, I should do. I don't want to give up on him.....

I did consider that he was taking the cowardly way out, and even brought it up a few times through emails to him. But each time he assured me that I had nothing to do with it, I did not provoke anything, it was everything in his life he is exposed to that made him unhappy. He said he was not happy and that's all there is to it. He does have trust issues because his ex of 5 years cheated on him (which caused his depression in the first place), but he was honest with me about all of this in the beginning of our relationship. I completely believe him that he wasn't taking the easy way out, and that he just was not happy, period. I want to get through to him, but don't want to push him. I don't know if I should let him go at this point and see if he contacts me when he's ready to talk, or if I should keep in light contact now and again? He knows I'm always here for him

Answer 1

Yea let him be, the fact is you have no idea what your dealing with. Which most people don't, they assume depression is something you get, or came on, or just fell into. Depression doesn't work that way, its a mental state that we go thru thats suppose to put us in a state of repression. Theis repression allows us to forgo our abitions in hopes of building up our minds for progression, dependent on what school of psychology you study. Ether way the point comes down to the fact that yes he is coping out on you, and you baby him about is another problem in its self.(When you said you gave him a hard time I was almost pride, sometimes thats what friends and lovers do, but then you went back to babing him again) See the best way out of depression is to find purpose. Have you ever heard of people finding god? Same thing, purpose. Its all about that, when we loss it or when we feel we've wasted our time on one that wasn't true, were lost, for a lack of a better word. And depression is our minds way of putting us in a state that well better help us figure ourselves out. Unfornutly most people use depression as an excuse to do all sorts of things but that, like drugs, relationships, jobs, happiness, all very good distration, but only a pure, unstoppable purpose can really save us. Thats why religion has always been such a big part of humanity since, well, since there were little tribes all by themselves, its always been our way of controling the bitter/sweet experience of reality. Which NO ONE knows without calling it FAITH whats going on, not even science, shoot they say so. Ether way we live at a day and age were purpose is a VERY hard thing to come across, because marrige and a career don't gauentee a satisfactor purpose, nor happiness, these are things you bring to a marriage, to a job, not hope to find later. Because of this were in a caught-22 that could only be combated if we take ourselves out of the equation for a little while and began to see whats really going on here, and that there is still purpose here, sort of like what I'm doing now, I don't get paid for it, you guys rarly thank me for it, but in the end I do it for me, because its my purpose to share as much of what I do and don't know so that people can hopfully prove me wrong and make my wisdom even better! And if they don't then it most be pretty good wisdom to share, but it helps with my depression. But unless you can give him a purpose your presents is going to hurt more then help because its just going to remian him how lost he is. I guess I'd have to say if guys don't want to do the research, the church is a pretty good way to do this, LOVE THEY LORD!!!