I feel so trapped and suffocated right now. I am my last year of college and have a job...whenever I have free time I spend a lot of time with my mom. However, if I ever and i mean ever spend time with a friend my age or want to go out with a friend and do age appropriate things my mom says I have too much time on my hands and I should get another job. She likes to go out to bars with me and do senseless things in the middle of the day and then she says I need to enjoy my life. The second I do something with a peer she gets really mean to me and angry and tries to make me feel worthless...She has a few unclose friends but whenever she makes plans with them she cancels to do something with me. What do I do?? What can I do to change this trap?
2007-08-10 05:49:44 · 6 answers · asked by trapped573 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Please, spend time with both your mom and also with your friends. You are only as trapped as you allow yourself to be. Stop feeling the guilt, laugh at your mom good-naturedly when she tries to guilt you (tell her then you'll go out with her in a day or two or next week ... don't just dis her, tell her you love and respect her and will spend time with her ... and do it), and then you choose what you want to do.
Remember, you have the keys to the cage, the choice and the power. You are only as trapped as you want to be.
2007-08-10 05:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is either experiencing her mid-life crisis OR she's a total control freak...sounds to me that it could be both. She's afraid of getting old and she feels that by hanging out with you, it will make her appear younger. Perhaps she didn't get to do all of those things when she was younger, but no matter the reason, it's not your fault or problem.
I have 2 grown daughters and never wanted to be their "friend" they have friends, I am "Mom." As it turns out, we all get along and do enjoy doing things together, however, I am the one who keeps the line drawn...the mother/friend line.
I'm sure you're going to get a lot of responses telling you to just talk to her. That's not going to work. You've stated that if you do go out without her, she is mean to you, so talking to her is going to do nothing but anger her further, guilt you and accomplish nothing.
I feel sorry for you. My first suggestion is for you to STOP telling her your plans! Maybe not answer your phone a time or two when you want to go out with friends. Your other option is to fib to her and tell her that you have a date with a new guy or something, but if you do this make sure you and your friends don't go to your usual place or you might see her there! Your only other option is to just let her get mad and ignore her when she starts getting mean with you. You recognize what she's doing, so who cares what she says? You know it's just a guilt/power thing, she doesn't really mean it....Just ignore her. Maybe if you stand up for your ADULT self enough times your mom will finally get the hint. Turn things around on her. When she treats you mean, ignore her. Don't play into her rantings & guilt trips. She will soon get the message that she is not in control of your life...you are! She will only do what you allow her to do to you.
After you finish school...MOVE! MOVE FAR AWAY!
2007-08-10 06:07:05 · answer #2 · answered by Riviera_ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can see why this would be a difficult situation but i think that you should tell you should tell her how you feel. she may not realize that you feel like this or that shes doing it even if it seems impossible to ignore. even when she complains do stuff with your peers you need friends and a relationship. if you feel comforable enough you could try inviting her to come with you and your friends. if you cant think of anything else just don't call her and cancel your plans for a bit so that when you start seeing her again she will value you more as a treat than a given.
2007-08-10 05:57:45 · answer #3 · answered by lemmonlizard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is awesome that your mom wants to be around you so much! I have the opposite problem. My mom could care less about hanging out with me unless she wants to see my kids. Guess we can never find ourselves in the perfect situation. Well, I do feel for ya because that does suck. I guess all you can do is talk to her and tell her how you feel and that no matter what she will always be important to you even if you are not with her every second. I worry for you when you get married. She will have a tough time with that one!
2007-08-10 05:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by notthatiknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to cut the apron strings. She'll be mad but she'll get over it
2007-08-10 06:11:01 · answer #5 · answered by redsky_too_nite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just do the same with her!!! trt her as she trts u,,, she will feel the same way u feel,, and she'll change
2007-08-10 05:55:53 · answer #6 · answered by fªfi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋