Are love/ hate relationships normal & will they last??

Question

I've been married 8 years after 2 months he lost his good paying job and found out I was pregnant! I worked for the first 5 years and he was at home during that time I endured abuse mental mostly! I lost my job and he found one making $8 an hour and that's what we have been living on for 3 years almost. It was never suppost to be his only job , he has no get up and go to find another job and I'm just so fed up that sometimes I just hate him and wish he didn't come home!! I've cried myself to sleep and can't sleep lately!! What would you do and this isn't normal right!? I just want him to man up!! and take care of his family like I did !!

Thanks to all that answered!!

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about this...It must be very stressful and sad for you to live this way.

I would normally suggest talking it out and perhaps going to therapy; but if you have been living like this for so long already Ï think you are on your way out. The resentment you feel is too big, and the fact you wish he "didn't come back" means that you want out of this marriage. Listen to your body- it is talking to you! Lack of sleep, lack of appetite and crying are all symptoms of depression....so get help ASAP! The last thing you need is to become physically ill now!

Please remember you cannot change anyone- except yourself. I don't think he will change- so you will have to decide whether to continue living like this and feeling so miserable, or walk away and do what's best for you!

Life is short- so don't waste any more time. Good luck!

Answer 2

Love/hate relationships: are they normal? Well, normal is a highly subjective term, but it's fair to say they're quite common. That's not your real question, though, is it? You're trying to determine whether or not you two have a future together. The answer there depends largely on how much "love" is left in this love/hate arrangement. I will tell you this with certainty: You have already begun to harbor resentments, and once they set in it is very difficult to be rid of them. Everyone can change and on some levels will change, but whether or not the changes come in time to prevent the deterioration of this relationship (or occur as a result of the deterioration of this relationship) remains to be seen. These dynamics between you two didn't develop overnight nor will they disappear as quickly. I recommend professional intervention to help get to the root cause of why things developed for you all the way they have. (Thinking it's all his fault may make you feel justified in your contempt, but it won't make your situation one bit better). at least try it before you throw in the towel for good. I hope I'm wrong, but it seems to be the direction you're heading in. Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

i'm getting that way whilst i won't be able to write something stable. i actually dont understand what you write approximately or what conjures up you yet attempt to get out see issues in a distinctive way. walk exterior at some point and purely start up writing approximately how the grass sways in the breeze or the way the sunlight feels on your face. i understand could each little thing I write a month later I hate it may purely be a faze or you somewhat could hate writing now. Sorry that became unfavorable of me. don't be depressed regardless of the indisputable fact that and in case you're write approximately melancholy. i attempt to jot down approximately issues that look genuine to me like a million/2 my thoughts are according to targets i've got had. nicely i'm hoping I helped some i'm no longer stable with something different then a pen and a sparkling sheet of paper = 3

Answer 4

You need to realize that he at least DOES have a job. He is making an honest attempt to "man up".

Why can't you help him out by getting a job yourself? You could do part time work, or maybe even sell Avon or Mary Kay products (Iknow lots of stay at home moms who do this for extra income).

Stop concentrating on the fact that YOU did it for 5 years. That was the past and it isn't going to help you any right now or in the future.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear about your predicament, however since it seems you are the more sensible person in the relationship, you need to sit and tell him exactly your feelings. All the hurt, pain and anger you hold. If you don't eventually its gonna end up in divorce, so try one last time to explain how you feel to him and how it would mean a great deal to have his support in this matter. Go to councelling if necessary. But in the end look at what you can achieve on your own as well.

It might be better to cut your loss if your love has waned for him.

Answer 6

Eight years is a long time. i was in a nine year marriage but extremely unhappy. If that is the case , please consider all aspect of your life and move on. If you cry everyday to sleep you are not happy. I am by myself now with two children. My job pays pretty decent and I try my best to keep our home together. Though I am alone most of the time. I am at my most relaxing state of mind, sleep well and try to concentrate on my future, my children and self improvement. No one can tell you what to do but consider things. Having children and seeing you sad wont help their development and your relationship with them. It called depression. I alot of people do not know but it kills.

Answer 7

My sister is in the same situation. I basically told her that she has to make a decision on where she wants to be in say 5 years and do everything she needs to get there. Say if you have kids and want to get a divorce then make the strides toward that direction. The only way to make it easier is to communicate (remember there is rarely communication in arguing). You are going through a marriage that is living hell. You have to make up your mind to be 100% committed to turning it around or leaving. You can be the one to change him he has to do that on his own maybe a seperation will wake him up and make him realize that he needs to do something with his life. We werent given life just to waste it all away doing nothing. Love/hate relationships are not healthy and will only subtract years from your life because of un-needed stress.

Answer 8

Why do you ever think this relationship would work? Sounds like a long and very unhappy 8 years. Life is too short for this, get out, get independant and get happy. Good luck.

Answer 9

Believe it or not, you need to be the one who helps him feel better about himself! You know how medicine tastes bad? Well, even though it will 'taste bad', you need to help him find his manhood that seems to have been lost when he lost that good job, he can't do it on his own...and get into counseling!!

Answer 10

I'd have let him know long ago that we both work to support the family, and not live in poverty, or I'll go it alone...