i have been seeing this guy for over 2years now and his ex is still a major part of his life. she calls at least 5 times a day (at all hours) and he doesn't say anything, first gripe. then when we are all out in public at a location we mutually go to, he doesn't treat me as a bf would his gf, he says he does it out of respect for her, gripe number 2. Every family function he has somehow she manages to be invited to and to keep the peace (so he says) i don't get to go, gripe number 3. yes we started seeing each other right after they seperated but that was our decision and she needs to deal with it. now there was once when i found out they had slept together since we started seeing each other, but i forgave and we moved on, but lately i am feeling alot of resentment towards her, i don't owe her a thing and he feels like he does. i do love this guy and he says he loves me. i know that they have to talk to discuss their teenage boys, but shouldn't there be a line drawn by him?
2007-08-10 05:31:11 · 27 answers · asked by nomercymp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Emotionally, he is still in a relationship with her. You are there to cure his loneliness. He is not in love with you.
2007-08-10 05:38:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer C 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where your at, sister. My current fiance was married to his ex for 28 years, they have three children, the oldest is 25 youngest 18.
At first he was totally in her hands, but gradually, there were things I did not agree to, and in time, (we've been together for two years as-well), things have changed. Very soon, all their mutual kids will move out. However, they will always be in each others lives. It's inevitable. The situation has to get better for you in stages, and if he is serious about you, and intends to marry you, he cannot treat you like a dirty little secret. Is his divorce final? He may not want to expose his kids to another woman just yet. However, the fact that you are not invited to family events is odd. I have met all of my fiance's family, but not his kids, I will meet them only after we are married, and only if THEY request this, it has to be their choice as adults.
It's not an easy situation you are in, but how far he can push you is up to you. Set boundaries and reasonable dead lines. He cannot have his cake and eat it too, and a lot of things have to change. Make sure he is serious about you and not planning to go back to his wife, you do not need to be treated like this or waste your time.
2007-08-10 12:42:27 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you, girl! You saw it and they are bright red flag, why you still go blind on it? Slept with his ex while you both are seeing each other, RED flag. No need to forgive and move on together. Move on with yourself.
You have every right to be his priority since you are his GF now! He doesn't' respect you by answering his ex's calls any hours, he doesn't treat you right out in the public, he and his family would rather see his ex than you. You know you aren't in the picture, why waste the time to fight for it? It doesn't look good to me at all.
You move on because you deserve better. Let him sink in the bottom of the ocean and die alone.
2007-08-10 12:41:16 · answer #3 · answered by judy06 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think I would remind him that his future no longer invloves her and that he'd better try impressing you some and stop worrieing so much about her like he has been. It sounds like he might still be in love with her. I think I'd move on life is too short.
My family has many ex's in them, all four and no matter what the ex's are always invited and we don't care if they bring their new wives or girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends - he isn't giving you the respect you deserve or need! Hurry do soemhting - this just is not right!
2007-08-10 12:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck yes there should be a line drawn by him. Being divorced and having kids, there will always be something connecting your b/f to his ex-wife...but...that she really has nothing to do with YOUR relationship with him....
To me, it sounds like he might still have some unresolved feelings for her that he is fighting. Just being honest.
My ex and I have two kids together, he is remarried and has a child with her.
Somehow, we have worked it out that my family functions...even if its his time with the kids, he doesn't get to come, but we'll switch weekends, so they can come...and vice versa...if the kids are supposed to be with me on a weekend that his family has something going on..
My best advice to you is you need to more or less give this guy an ultimatium. You do understand that him and his ex will always be connected....but there HAS to be a limit to this connection.....if hes not willing to put limits on this...well then......I think you know what I'm going to say next....
You need to decide how much your going to let this affect your relationship....Good Luck!!!
2007-08-10 12:39:18 · answer #5 · answered by L ♥ L ♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to dump this guy. I'm sorry but he's still in love with his wife and he puts her before you every step of the way. You are little more then a convience. How could you stay with someone who is disrepecting you this much.
You need to find someone who loves you.
This guy a huge jerk and you're being used.
You deserve a better life than this.
Put his bags on the steps and change the locks and block the phone calls.
2007-08-10 15:55:11 · answer #6 · answered by LAL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but he sounds very confused and he is obviously still very much connected to his ex-wife.
You have to understand that he shared a life and kids with her; that is his reality.
The problem I see is that he has issues that he doesn't want to deal with- and THAT is a major red flag for you!
Perhaps you could consider going to therapy alone so you can sort out your feelings and get feedback from a trained professional.
Who knows...Maybe you will discover that there are things you want and expect from him that he is not willing -or able- to give you- and that means you will have to make a decision.....Either you accept him as he is, or you end it.
Good luck. Be honest with yourself and do not settle for less that what you really believe you deserve.
2007-08-10 12:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes their should be a line drawn but..he crossed it when he relapsed and slept with her. Guilty my azz he still has some sort of feelings for this women. You should have given him time after his relationship because your actually a rebound. He might be so used to this women and she is so much a part of his family it will take a very long time to be "rid" of her. They have kids together so she will always be a part of his life, if he doesn't draw that line soon your not going to be a happy woman.
2007-08-10 12:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by ~ ♥ ~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His actions are speaking louder then words.
1. you are with this man 2 years and he is more committed to his ex then you.
2. She will ALWAYS be in his life they have kids. He is not setting any boundaries about the phone calls all hours.
3. I find it odd she is at his family functions and you are not.
Why are you still with him? Love is a 2 way street. It's sounds to me as if he still has feelings for her. I would more on and find someone with out all this drama and baggage.
You need to not be upset with her as he is the one who is allowing this to go on and I am sure she is not the only one doing the calling here. If you need to put the blame on someone put it on him as he is not only speaking to her about the children.
Good luck,
2007-08-10 13:13:18 · answer #9 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be this way but, you need to give him an ultimatum that he will follow or get out. It may sound harsh and it may hurt but this is the classic "love is blind".
It sounds like he still loves her and while he may love you too- he can't have his cake and eat it too- so to speak.
It kind of sounds like you let him walk all over you and you HAVE TO put your foot down if you want this to work out.
You are the new woman in his life and if he can't deal with only having one woman then you need to find someone who will love you and treat you like you deserve!
Do they have children together?- If they do then she will always be a part of his life. but there is no reason for an ex to be that much of a part of his life!
Good Luck- I know how it feels to be left out or to be the new woman in a divorced man's life- I am married to one but, I put my foot down very quickly and it helps that my husband's WHOLE family can't stand her and never could- they were happy to see her go.
2007-08-10 12:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there IS a line drawn by him, apparently - but it is not at all where YOU think the line should be drawn, and it's a big problem. What do you do? Tell him that if he doesn't make YOU his #1 priority, you will be looking for a different b/f - then stick to your word. It doesn't sound to me like he sees you as a long-term prospect anyway.
2007-08-10 12:47:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋