Married Women - Answer Here!?

Question

I had a feeling my dad was with someone else besides my mom. But instead of comfronting him, I told my mom.
And when my mom asked him what's the deal, he said it was just a friend.

On his phone he sent her text messages saying "I Love You". He said that when he sent these, he meant it a friendly "I Love You".

He bought her shoes. He said it was a gift. Like friends give each other. So it was just a friendly gift.

And he swears he didn't have sexual contact with her, it was just a friend.

But my Mom can't believe him. She thinks he's lying. And that this was more than a friend. But I kinda believe him, he doesn't seem like the guy that would cheat.

My Mom forgave him.
For two weeks, saying okay, maybe u didn't cheat.
Then she started again, and got all mad at him.
She just won't get over it.
My dad tried everything from flowers and jewelery.
He says sorry everytime.
But she won't get over it.
How do i get my mom to get over it?
and realx?

Answer 1

Your mom can not just "get over it". She has reason to be concerned! Your dad hasn't made a very good case for himself. I have lots of guy friends and I have never told them I loved them, same likewise. I personally think your dad is full of it and I think your mom knows that. Plus the fact that their marriage isn't your business - she needs to decide for herself what she wants to do with your dad. You need to stay out of it completely.

Answer 2

First of all you can't say why she just won't get over it because you opened that door. I hope you never experience the feeling of betrayal from your husband not your boyfriend because there is a big difference, but it hurts so bad to think that this man that took vows with you and has betrayed you. There is no trust and it is hard to get it back especially when he starts to act strange and maybe it is just in your head saying that he's acting strange but because of what has happened in the past you will always be looking for him to do something else. However I am married and my husband has no friends that I don't know about, see this is what the problem is your dad is texting a woman that he says is just a friend but he's telling her he loves her although he says it was a friendly I love you (strike one) he is purchasing items for her no matter what the item was(strike two) and if she was truely just a friend why did'nt your mom know about her (half a strike) has your mom asked to meet her or has your father offered to introduce them? If he truely did nothing wrong and she really is a friend then he needs to introduce his WIFE to her and another question how long have they been friends and where did they meet? You should have went to dad first and let him know that you were going to tell your mom about it... Men will lie to get out of the path of a woman who is scorned... One other thing a married man buying a so called friend shoes not a book but shoes and moms did not know about it come on girlfriend don't be so naive, I am not saying turn your back on dad but let it be known he has hurt your mom the woman who birthed you and think how would you feel if it happened to you?

Answer 3

I am not sure how old you are yet my heart goes out to you. To be truthful to you will hurt and I am sorry for that. The answer to your feelings about you father is correct. There is another woman other than your mom. The I love you texting and the gift giving is not to happen with another woman but your mother. At this time there may not be and sexual contact but the truth is that if your father keeps going on the way he is this will happen. I know from experience. If your father was a truthful man there would be know reason for him to keep this woman a secret. I am sorry that you will have to deal with the pain of betrayal. As for your mother and the emotions that she is having it is normal dear. I would encourage you to talk with someone that you can trust for your father has hurt you and your mother deeply and to build that trust again will take time. It doesn't happen just because you father says he is sorry and buy your mothers gifts. You are not the reason that your parents are not getting along, this is something that they will have to deal with, you were truthful so leave it at that. I do understand that you feel guilty for bringing this to your mother attention yet again you did nothing wrong and it is not your fault. Your father was given a choice to say no yet he chose the other. Let your parents work this out between themselves.

Answer 4

How can flowers and jewelry make up for cheating? Is your mom a trophy wife? Probably not, so she probably expects something more: FIDELITY and HONESTY! Of course your dad was cheating. The writing is on the wall. I have guy friends, and I'm married, but there are no gifts (except for maybe a beer for me at the bar, and one for my husband if he's with me) and no "I Love You"s. Your mom can't get over it because she knows he's not admitting the truth. She's not stupid. Now, not only is he a cheat, but he's a liar as well. Of course she can't get over it, and she shouldn't.

Answer 5

I am sorry to disappoint you, but the minute a man shows interest in another woman... supposedly a friend and spends time with her and do things for her, then he has obvious feelings for this friend- even though it may have not manifested into a sexual relationship yet. I have been married and divorced and this is my second marriage. So in the end all I can tell you is that some people will never get over betrayal. Not when you spend your life with that person and have a child with them. I know for starters, I would never forgive my husband if he ever betrayed me.

Answer 6

My answer is kind of a mix of a lot of people's above:
1. It's pretty obvious he's cheating. Even if it's not sexual...giving his attentions to another woman other than his wife is wrong.
2. Your mom is not going to just "get over it and relax"...you may be a little young or inexperienced (I'm assuming you still live with them) to realize it, but with marriage comes HUGE emotions and those are being messed with.
3. I don't think you're horrible for mentioning it to your mom, so don't feel bad about the people bashing you. However, please try not to feel like it's your place to help them fix things. For one thing, there's no way you can understand all the complexities of their relationship - even if you're married too...each marriage is different. Do not take it on yourself to help your mom get over it...or to help your dad find a way to placate her.
4. The only thing you can do is pray for them, and MAYBE you can be a shoulder for your mom or dad to cry on - but don't expect them to share details, just love them both, and let them work out their own business. I know it's hard and it affects you a lot, but there's reallyl nothing YOU can do.

Answer 7

Whether he had sexual contact with this woman or not, it still sounds like emotional cheating. That woman was getting "I love you" and tokens of affection that should have been for your mom. And men don't buy shoes for women they are "friends" with. If she's a friend who is a shoe freak, then most guys would have gotten a gift card. Actual articles of clothing are too personal. If my husband had a friend like that, I would tell him exactly how I feel about it. If he continued, then that means he doesn't respect my feelings, so it's goodbye!

Answer 8

You should not have told your mom in the first place. You Dad is obviously lying. Married men don't tell other women they love them as friends. They also don't buy them shoes. He doesn't seem like the type to cheat because he is your father. My father didn't either, but he was. Your mom is not going to get over it. She knows he is lying. Those two have to work it out now.

Answer 9

Its hard when a woman suspects her husband of cheating. Its possible that maybe he's done soemthing before that you weren't told about and that is why she isn't letting this go. I've been cheated on before, and its so hard to forget. Its even harder to learn to trust again. It takes time, But your dad also needs to realize that whether this girl was just a friend or not, buy her gifts, hanging out all the time, and saying i love you is no way to go. Thats setting yourself up to look like cheating. In my opinion i belive he may have been and they just don't want to let you know. Flowers and candy aren't' going to do him any good. He has to prove himself loyal to her again. HAs to prove that he's trustworthy again. Even if no sexual contact was made, to me that would be cheating if my husband was that way with another woman but me. It may just take her time.

Answer 10

You tell your mom that you think your dad is screwing around and now you want your mom to "get over it"? Maybe you should have confronted your dad with these suspicions instead of your mom. Looks like you stirred some stuff up. Good luck with all that.