I'm in dire need of help/advice!
I have been dating a guy for 4 years and we run a business. The first year was great sex mad (as it always is) then it slowly started to dwindle..i know this is normal, but its maybe half a dozen times a year now. We don't live together. I'm not the shy retiring type, I'm up for trying anything, I'm attractive, look after my appearance and am very loving and affectionate. I always make the first move, which 99.9% of the time is rejected...usually due to tiredness/too stoned or he has fallen alseep..lol
I have not discussed this with anyone as I wouldn't want to hurt him if it somehow got back to him, so I'm trying this as a last resort! ...I have tried everything I can think of...seduction, the don't talk about it approach, the talk about it calmly approach, the go mental and lose the plot approach, I've even tried asking if he is gay/having an affair/or does he want to end it.I dont nag him about it but for gods sake I'm only human..so should i ?
2007-08-10 05:13:14 · 21 answers · asked by bluekingskins 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I told 3 weeks ago straight...look this is your chance to get out of this if it isn't working for you, I suggested we split and do it amicably like adults...no argueing, we've just grown apart...but he said he doesn't want to lose me, and doesn't want to split up...that was 3 weeks ago now, still nothing. I am now at the stage where i need to make my mind up once and for all. He says his sex drive is low but come on.....i'm not a nympho, once a week would do, instead of every 3 months or something
2007-08-10 05:24:13 · update #1
sorry to keep adding..but forgot to mention it. He obviously has a sex drive as i know he regularly does D.I.Y. if you know what i mean. I told him i don't mind ( i would be selfish to mind, and naive i suppose, to think a man doesn't) but as long as he saves some for me, and i know he looks at porn on the internet too, although he isnt obsessed with porn, it just proves to me that he must have a sex drive of some sort going on, although its a one player game.
I am aware that there maybe some kind of confidence performance isuues with him (maybe) so ive tried to be understanding although he denies it could be the reason.
2007-08-10 06:34:56 · update #2
Hmm, the stoned part caught me, he's on drugs? Dump him. Not because it's a sexless relationship, that's just shallow. Sex is not everything in a relationship.
2007-08-10 05:17:04 · answer #1 · answered by mchl_atkinson 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
End it. If he's stoned all the time, it's bound to have an effect on more than just your sex life... You've tried talking and reasoning with him like an adult, that's all you can do. Plenty more fish in the sea. Go out with your girlfriends and enjoy your new single life... and get yourself some good sex! ;)
*Edit* Once every 3 months?? Good god... You're a better person than me, I would have walked out months ago. Yes, definately, 100% leave him. How can he be so selfish? Not having sex with you for months without a proper explaination as to why... Sounds like he needs to learn there are 2 people in this relationship, not 1....
2007-08-10 06:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by smr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Many men tend to put the cart before the horse when it comes to this issue. The reason why a partner may not want to have sex is because that person is already feeling anger and resentment for other unknown reasons. Those issues must be explored by talking with your partner. The communication has broken down & no amount of boinking is going to magically resurrect a troubled marriage. Caring, listening, sharing & understanding will help build the bonds of ANY relationship, sexual or otherwise. It is naive to believe that sex will "reinforce the bonds between a couple." It could actually do the opposite. Imagine having sex with someone whom you deeply love but that person is deaf, dumb & blind to your feelings. It would only magnify the emotional distance not forgive it or erase it. We don't marry prostitutes, we marry the people we love enough to want to share a life with. If sharing ends in our hearts, it will end in the bedroom as well. Emotional intimacy must come before sexual intimacy for a marriage to blossom. Believing otherwise is simply lazy..
2016-04-01 09:44:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough call on that one...does he give you any feedback about wanting to end it when you do discuss it? Sex is very very important to me and I have ended relationships due to the lack of sex and have maintained relationships LOOOOONG after they should have ended just for the sex. It depends on how important it is to you or if he is willing to let you take on a lover if that was something that would work for you--I know how that sounds but it's an idea thats been in long standing since time began despite past or present views on it--but sex once every other month....hmmm....i dont think I would be very happy with that even if i was comfortable in the relationship itself just me I s'pose let him read this and the responses and see if you can get a reactionary response from him them. Kind of odd for the male libido to be dampened like that too so maybe he would want to talk to a doctor about that as lack of sex drive is a symptom for a few illnesses
2007-08-10 05:25:48 · answer #4 · answered by Chasn 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he may be experiencing erection problems and is feeling pressured by you to make love, try just relaxing together maybe a massage, don't get mad at him just imagine that your roles were reversed and he was getting mad at you or asking if you were gay how would you feel, if he can look you in the eye and say he still loves you and wants to be with you and your 100% sure that he is faithful, then back off a little and give him time the more you pressure him the more he is going to feel hemed in and not able to make love to you. sex does not make a relationship it is just an added bonus, you have to take the rough with the smooth .
2007-08-10 08:20:56 · answer #5 · answered by fruitcake 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-15 19:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that his lack of excitement is making you feel bad about yourself. Maybe if you tell him that you're seriously considering parting with him he will start listening. If he still doesn't make an effort, then take steps to move on.
Just a thought, but getting stoned all the time will make him tired and lose his sex drive. If he really must take drugs, tell him to do it in moderation, because constant cannabis use will kill his desire.
2007-08-10 05:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe asking him directly about the situation. Don't ask him he is having a affair or if he is gay. Straight out ask "WHY don't we have sex anymore?"
A loss of desire to have sex is common, but 6 times a year? That is just plain crap. If there is no medical reason for it then it is apparent that he just doesn't want to have sex. But either way you deserve to know the reason for it.
2007-08-10 05:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be embarrassed to discuss this loser with anyone also. Maybe the next guy you meet will make a commitment to you first.
2007-08-10 05:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Twinkle♥Toes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very slowly kiss him down down down across his body and then give him a nice wet slooooowwww b-l-o-w-j-o-b :D Doesn't matter if he's not erect, he soon would be (well, should be!) But yeh the stoned thing aint too good, sometimes I have trouble getting it up when i'm stoned when i'm usually absolutely fine. Anywayz, yh, tis a shame he's treating you the way he is, but maybe talk dirty and maybe start masturbating in front of him. Hey i don't know what'll work for him but all those things work for me! :D Hope it goes well for you :)
2007-08-10 05:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
IF U JUST WNT SEX THEN IM UR MAN !. NO DRUGS .
probally cant b bothered,just 2 tired,no energy,got his eye on some 1 else,some 1 else likes him.
Y u not livin 2gether in 1st place.
probally cause u hardly c each other.
probally u dont take a interest in him.
av u tried askin his family members ?.
av u asked his work colleges ?.
wat does he do/say wen u wnt it ?.
2007-08-15 16:11:44 · answer #11 · answered by mobile. 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋