Marriage ruined by a threesome?

Question

In retrospect, what do you think was the cause. Jealousy? Insecurity? Did your mate end up doing things behind your back?

My husband and I are considering a threesome (I initiated it) and i've heard a lot of people say it ruined their marriage. Just trying to find the reason why if you went into it knowing what was going to happen (meaning, you willingly agreed to do it).

Lady in Red - OK..that was annoying.

OK-People try not to judge me and say I lack dignity, self-respect, etc. I was specifically asking people who have experienced this. I wasn't really interested in hearing people's own personal views on threesomes who haven't actually done it. And I wasn't looking for psychobabble. Some people are different than others. Try not to judge people so quickly.

Macedonia-My husband is fine with it so I don't really care what you think but thanks, I guess, for the input..

Thanks for the input so far. I'll let my husband read these later and we can talk about it...

Macedonia-I actually read what you wrote..the only penetration will be by my husband. I am not interested, and will never be interested, in another man.

Lotus-As always, a fabulously thought out, mature and non-judgmental answer.

Answer 1

Go here:
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/index.php

Its a swingers board with loads of info.

The main thing is insecurity and how you value sex. Some see it as this sacred thing and others...its just sex. If you have a strong bond and are open and honest and discuss your fears and what AND find the right partner (would not recommend friends) then it should be fine. Even if you didn't like it, you should be able to express that with your spouse and vice versa.

He will only leave you for the other woman if you don't have a strong relationship to begin with. Marriage is more than the bedroom after all and good sex can not replace a good life.

The biggest regret is doing something you're not comfortable with just to please the other person. Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. Beat that dead horse 'til it stands up again.

And don't let these conservative idiots judge you. Only you and your husband can dictate the boundaries of your relationship.

Answer 2

Are you serious!? "As I write this I am thinking about the other girl instead of my wife..." "or do I back off and realize that I do love my wife and realize that what her and I have is more important than taking the chance of finding true happiness with the other girl" Those quotes are troubling. Your sitting here saying that you need to realize you love your wife. Shouldn't you already know that? And sacrifice true happiness with the other woman?!! What is that! You call this a marriage? Buddy, I'm not religious, but what you and your wife are doing is spitting in the face of the sanctity of marriage. May as well have just coped up to the fact the only reason you two got married was for the tax benefits. They let people like you and your wife get married, but two men who would never participate in such deviant acts are not allowed to marry because they are two men. What is wrong with this picture? Of course the threesome is the cause of the trouble. This girl had feelings for you and now you have opened up the possibility to her that you could potentially leave your wife for her because you stepped outside the marriage, even if your wife was there. You had sex with her and now you've opened a pandora's box. I am speaking from experience. Same thing happened to me, only my relationship with my ex was not what I'd call "open", but once I agreed to a threesome it became open. Needless to say we broke up. That is the road your heading down, and your going to lose both women at this rate. You and your wife need to seriously reevaluated your lives. I hope you two don't have kids together, because that makes it all that much more worse.

Answer 3

I don't do 3's. But all that I've heard that have. Ended up breaking up. Reasons many. One woman said though it had been her husband's idea. After wards, all he did was curse at her and tell her she was dirty. Sometimes 2 out of the 3 hit it off so well. They rather not have that third person there. And continue a relationship on the side. The 2 not being the original couple. There are certain fantasies that one shouldn't bother trying to make real.

Answer 4

Alot of times relationships goes wrong with the threesomes, is because of jealousy and insecurity. But on the other hand, some people just can't handle things like that. Bottom line.

Answer 5

If everyone involved understands what it is and is mature enough to handle that kind of openness then there is nothing wrong with it. I have seen it improve both a couples sex life and their relationship in general. I have also seen it have negative effects, though nothing like what you read on this board. You and your husband just need to be sure you have throughly discussed the idea, and (from what I have seen) a mutual, close friend is better than a stranger (although this is just from my observations, the negative effects always seem to occur when a stranger is the third).

Answer 6

Geeze, there are a lot of perfectly moral ppl on here.

But anyway, I did try this just recently, it was what I wanted and I was the one pushing it, I may be one of the few women turned on by the thought of seeing my man with another woman. I enjoyed it for the most part, the only problem I see is if you feel he is giving the other woman more attention or special attention. I ended up getting pissed and getting up, we talked about it for the next few days and I saw that he wasn't trying to hurt me, this was just a new experience for both of us and he was trying to make the other person feel as wanted as I did. we both could tell she was starting to get uncomfortable, but I told him do not make me feel uncomfortable by trying too hard to make the other person comfortable, that beats the whole purpose. So I am now over it completely and look forward to doing it again, I know the next time he will keep in mind what I said. I trust him and feel secure in our relationship.

The thing is it is easy for a man to cheat without you even knowing it, having a threesome isn't going to make a honest man a cheater or turn a cheater into a honest man. Make sure you trust him and love yourself first before doing it though.

Answer 7

I am not married but had threesomes with good friends way back when. It ruined all of our friendships and made everyone awkward around each other. If it did this to just people I was friends with, I am positive it would ruin a marriage.

Answer 8

I mean feelings are not something you can control now do you?
What if your husband falls for the girl?
What if it makes him sick looking at you, touching you afterwards?
What is it you don't get in your marriage you think that introducing someone else will help you find?
Besides being immoral, it's just disgusting, and the type of thing you might want to do when you are not in a committed relationship for goodness sake.
Fair enough, he might like it and both of you will keep doing it and have a great time, but what if he actually doesn't?
Somehow, he will end up talking to his familly about it and say that you were the one to have initiated it, I doubt you'll be welcome under their roof after that!

Answer 9

I've never had the experience but I imagine that sometimes one partner won't be able to get over seing their bf/gf enjoying themselves with another person. They get jealous and it eats away at them. They may think 'well if they are happy to get it on with someone else who's to say they won't cheat with someone else in the future?' Insecurities etc. build up.

If a 'friend' is involved the other person might worry that you enjoyed yourself more with them, and may meet up in future for relations without them.

It's a great fantasy and I don't think the reality lives up.

Answer 10

OK do you mean a 3some like sex wise, well in a way it does i don't know of any married woman that would be happy to share their man i guess it can because in a way Ur letting him know that him being with other girls is OK and well the sex or making love should just be between 2 people ( u and Ur hubby)